By Henry Ukazu

Dear Destiny Friends,

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is pleasing everyone”

Life has many twists and turns. The ability to successfully navigate them will usher any individual into a whole new dimension of existence. This is because sometimes, when we experience misfortunes, we think there’s a force working against us, yes, it might be true to some extent, but the truth is, it might be something totally unrelated to what one might be thinking. One’s mindset has a way of deceiving then, especially when they are not properly informed.

Whenever we experience misfortunes, or life doesn’t seem to align with our plans, expectations and desires, consider thinking out of the box to know what happened, instead of apportioning blame.

For instance, ask yourself if you made a mistake; if  the answer is yes, find out if you could have done differently. Again, did someone contribute to it or masterminded the act; was it a natural cause; was it because of a government policy; was it a case of Karma working against you; or is a case of detractors trying to set you up for failure. One’s ability to decipher the right answers to these questions will go a long way to fixing the issue.

For the sake of this article, we shall focus on detractors to x-ray their role in orchestrating one’s destiny. It’s generally normal for us to hate our enemies or anyone who has a negative vibe or energy towards us, but the truth remains that everyone we meet in life has a role the universe or destiny has planted or positioned them to play. The ability to know this truth will go a long way towards appreciating life.

It should be known that detractors are not as bad as they appear, yes. Some may be bad, agreed, but some are there to help us do better. Isn’t it true that only our true friends will drive us to do better? Whenever a mentor, friend, parent, supervisor, benefactor, or even your enemy admonishes you, please don’t take it personal. Look at their intent as opposed to their words.

My beloved mother will always say, when someone is speaking, always look at their heart as opposed to their words. Words can literally mean nothing if our actions don’t correlate with our words.

But when the criticism is from a place of disrespect or disdain, consider removing yourself from that space until the person receives sense. According to Uche Okorie, a Maritime lawyer, “When you are criticized objectively, examine it. If it is untrue, ignore it. If it is unfair, resist the temptation to be irritated. If it is ignorant, just smile. If it is justified, then it is NOT criticism, LEARN FROM IT!

It’s only myopic and uninformed minds that will take corrections from a negative perspective. Progressive minds welcome constructive criticism because it serves as a second eye for them. It is sad to see people who should appreciate the role of detractors in their life acting funny because they allow their ego to rule them. Hear this from me, if you have someone who will correct you on the right way, and because you feel you don’t like the person, or the person is younger than you, or whatever reason you have, you are actually doing yourself a disservice because if you had taken the opportunity to learn, maybe an opportunity would have popped out in the nearest future.

On a personal note, I have experienced detractors in my life when I was serving as the Public Relations Officer for the Nigerian Lawyers Association. Let me make this disclosure; my detractors were right in their concerns because my writing skills were indeed horrible at the said time, however, what I didn’t really like was the approach they used in correcting me. It came across to me in a sarcastic, derogatory and disdainful manner to the extent I almost felt like leaving the association, but for the influence of mentors who I regard as life savers, I was able to manage the situation and today, when I reference back, I’m glad I didn’t resign. The whole experience has really shaped my approach and outlook to life, especially when I mentor the younger generation and relate with people who ordinarily think life has no space for them.

Here’s my advice, please stop hating your enemies, they will make you stronger, especially when they want to see you fail. Your detractors have a role to play in your life. Without them, your life would be depressingly boring. You might not be inspired to do better. For instance, one of my driving forces was being told I was a horrible writer, and life might not be easy for me to live in America. I was even told to consider going back to Nigeria. All these I guess, came from a place of love if you look at my situation at the said time, but guess what, man is not God because nobody knows tomorrow.

If I was told I will have two books to my name and a co-author to another book, I won’t believe it. Maybe God has used the books to send a subtle message to my detractors. Furthermore, a horrible writer is now a prolific writer, who is read globally every week.

Let me ask you, what would Tom be without Jerry? How interesting will a James Bond movie be without a villain? If not for satan, many of us will not be serving God. If not for the lion that runs fast, the antelope would not run faster.

Let’s take it a little further, there was a race  I watched where Usain Bolt was running, he was looking at his colleagues while sprinting because they were inspiring him to run faster, when he looks back, and sees his rival closing in, he runs faster. Without his opponents, Usain Bolt wouldn’t have broken records. The moral here is that our enemies are as essential to us as oxygen is to life. Without them, one may never fulfil their potential or life’s purpose.

In conclusion, as you journey through, and experience life, always see your detractors as the necessary evil you can’t avoid on your way to success.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

By Henry Ukazu

Dear Destiny Friends,

Whether we like it or not, life is indeed a race; a race different from track and field. I call this race the race of life in which only the strongest of the strongest will survive it.

Everyone runs the race of life, directly or indirectly, consciously or unconsciously, wittingly or unwittingly. Whether you are a student, entrepreneur, parent, leader, athlete, child, career professional or pastor, we all are running the race of life in one way or another. This is simply because we want to advance in life.

If one is desirous of moving from point A to point B, they must be intentional to run the race of life. However, this does not apply to those, who likes to remain in their comfort zones or have little or no ambition.

The race of life works in many dimensions. For instance, anyone, who intends to be a professor, must complete a Bachelors and Masters degrees, and Ph.D. in the same vein, anyone, who intends to climb the corporate ladder, must start from being an intern or entry level career professional, and work their way up the corporate ladder to be either the Commissioner, Chief Financial officer, Executive Director, Managing Director, Senator, Governor, President or Chief Executive Officer depending on the industry and areas of interest. All these can only be possible when one runs the race of life efficiently, and has added a substantial level of value to his or her life.

It should be noted that the race of life is personal; nobody will run it for you. You are in charge and responsible for the outcome of your life. Nobody will run the race of your life for you.

According to Jay Z, “Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King could walk. Martin Luther King walked so Obama could run. Obama’s running so we all can fly.” This means they all ran the race of life by handing over the baton to you and me.

My late beloved mother will always say, when your mates are running, run with them, otherwise they will leave you behind. Yes, life do happen, but it just simply means that you must do your best by picking yourself up when if you fall. She also said that when a child is born, the child can’t enter his/her mother’s womb again. In the same way, as a progressive mind, you can’t enter your mother’s womb again, and as such you must live your life.  This literally means you must fight for your life by paying adequate attention to your life race.

In this journey called life, nobody will give you anything on the platter of gold, you must show people the reasons you need an opportunity. It’s just like in politics, nobody will literally give you power or any elective position without any corresponding effort on your part either by way of campaigning or showing that you deserve the position. In politics, one must grab power, no leader voluntarily gives up power to his opponent.

In the same way, one must go out to seek whatever they want or desire if really serious about making a headway. Did you know that the more risk, mistakes and opportunities one undertakes, the more luck one attracts.  So, continue to run your own peculiar race because one might not know the inherent and associated futuristic opportunities that will come as he continues to dare to succeed. If one does not try to run his race, one wouldn’t have known what he would have gained.

In my journey to life, I have failed numerous times, and I have also succeeded on several fronts, but one thing I have learnt overtime is the fact that one must step out of their comfort zones and do a little bit more by adding value to their lives in what may be referred to as self-knowledge and personal development. These are the things that will distinguish anyone from their contemporaries.

When you add value to your life, it will be easy for people to identify you. Nobody likes a parasite. The irony of life is that most people like to add water to a cup already filled with water as opposed to adding water to an empty cup. This literally means people go for ripe fruits. This is just the sad reality of life.

Wisdom entails that every one’s path is different, your journey and race is different from mine, and so the ability to know what’s unique about you will go a long way to designing your life. Just to put this in perspective, every morning, a lion knows that if it doesn’t go out and strategize on how to get the deer, or any other prey, it will go hungry for the rest of the day, and if the prey does not run for its life, it will be eaten by the lion. This is just the reality of life. Nobody can save you if you don’t save yourself. This is a typical case of a prudent mind saving money so that the money can save him in future.

Furthermore, and according to Dr. Yomi Garnett, “a giraffe is seen as the tallest but feeds on leaves, and a hyena eats meat and is short. A cow eats grass and gets fat, but if a lion eats it, it will fall flat and die. That is why you should never compare yourself with others. A stream that an elephant considers shallow would swallow a leopard. Therefore, run your own race at your own pace, in your own space to get to the right place without ending in disgrace”.

The moral of this quote is that what works for one person may not work for another person, as a matter of fact, it might even kill the other person. So, focus on the gifts God gave you, and don’t be envious of the blessings of another person. If you develop yourself, you will be celebrated.

In summary, if you are not running, endeavor to walk, if you can’t walk, endeavor to crawl; just ensure that at all times, you are in motion. This is the only way the universe will respond to you. A Latin maxim says, Ex nihilo nihil fit”, meaning that “you can’t build something on nothing”. So if you want streams of water to flow into your ocean, you must have a form of magnetic prowess to attract the water, and this will only work if you know how to run the race life by adding value to your life.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

By Henry Ukazu

Dear Destiny Friends,

There’s no doubt that human beings by nature are insatiable. When we get one opportunity, we always look for another. When we attain one height, we always look for another accomplishment. Isn’t it true that the end of one mountain is the beginning of another.

However, I don’t think it’s selfish for anyone to dare to succeed.

Being ambitious doesn’t make one an opportunist or disloyal. It all depends on one’s perception or outlook to life. It’s just natural for one to dream big. It’s only ugly when the process one chooses to achieve his desires becomes dirty and nasty.

According to a former Nigerian presidential candidate and seasoned Economist, Mr. Peter Obi, “if you must be referred to as “Your Excellency”, then the process through which you arrived in office must be excellent”.

If you desire to be reckoned with on the journey of existence, you must be legitimately hungry for success. One’s hunger for success will facilitate the drive to accomplish great tasks despite daunting obstacles posing as challenges.

When one has this mindset, one will not be bothered by the noise which serves as obstacles and challenges along the way. Negative and weak minds are always concerned on why something won’t work. They tend to focus their energy and reasons on the obstacles facing them. But great and productive minds always focus their energy on the reasons why it will work. This is the spirit of an insatiable mind who is a goal- getter.

It’s instructive to note that we can’t please everyone. According to Bill Cosby, a famous actor, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” Isn’t it true that when you talk, people will still talk about you, when you don’t talk, people will talk about you, so whether you talk or not, people will still judge you, so, do what’s best for you. There’s nothing you can do to please human beings. Your best option is to live your best life.

To understand how the insatiable nature of man works, one must be oneself. You don’t have to “please” anyone. Be yourself, and don’t try to be like anyone just to curry favour. It’s important to note that when you are yourself, the people that matter will come through for you, and the people that don’t matter will gradually find the bearing in another space because those that truly care don’t bother and those that bother don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Life has truly taught me to focus on the important things of life as opposed to the mundane things. It’s truly sad to see people spending more time on the little things of life, and spending little time on the important things of life. That’s just a misplaced priority.

When you are yourself, the best people can do is to copy or imitate your style. They can never imitate your creativity nor can take your originality from you.

We live in a world or society where people don’t generally care or show empathy. Most people tend to live around themselves, their family, and close associates. They generally find it hard to lift a finger to assist others for reasons best known to them. Rev. Fr. Ejike Mbaka once said, “we live in a wicked generation”, re-echoing the voices of a lot of people of the world. Some people in authority just have criminal expertise in amassing wealth of opportunities meant for the citizens without thinking of the citizens they are meant to serve.

It’s worthy of note that not everyone will like you nor support your work, but when you find people who truly care about you; please hold them tight. This is because despite having family members you have shown love and compassion, they might not still appreciate you even if you lay your life for them, they will still find something to say. Again, this is the insatiable nature of man.

It’s okay for everyone not to like you, normalize living your life for God, yourself, family and those that care about you. If everyone likes you, you have a problem.

Did you know that you can get a new family from friends, strangers, and acquaintances? These sets of people might appreciate you more than your own family members. They might not demand or under appreciate you like your family members and close friends or associates. Any little support you give them will be highly appreciated. Their focus is to see you do better.

In conclusion, as you desire to succeed in life, never give in to failure until you have made your last attempt, and never make your last attempt until you succeed. This literally means whatever you desire, dream it, think it, say it, and believe you can achieve it. This principle is generally applicable to relationships, businesses, family, personal and professional development.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com