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Food for Living: Succeeding Through Relationship and Association
By Henry Ukazu
Greetings Destiny Friends,
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people – Will Rogers
Success and failure have many components and characteristics, and one of them is association. However, many people don’t understand the power of association. Association works with relations. When you work and hang out with the right set of people, your chance of succeeding in life will be greater.
Did you know that your mindset contributes to success? As a matter of fact, your mindset can be described as the foundation of success because the success and failure of anyone starts from the mind. If you have the right mindset, you will think of the right relationship and association to belong to. If you have the right mindset, you will be concerned about your environment which can also contribute to your success.
Your attitude will change for the better if you have a progressive mindset, but if you have myopic and fixed mindset, your thoughts and experience will be limited regardless of your experience in a particular environment.
When people talk of relationship and association, it relates to the fabric of our society which starts from the family. A solid family where love and kindness are shown to the children, spreads love and unity among the siblings which in turn affects the society. When hatred, malice, wickedness, ungratefulness, and unhealthy attitude is sowed in the minds of children, they go out to the society with a hostile mindset. That’s why we have funny people and leaders who act like people without conscience.
Most people don’t know how blessed they are to be raised by decent parents in addition to having great siblings, until they meet people who have been damaged by society.
When one nurtures the right relationship, they are bound to reap the benefits when the right opportunity presents itself. It’s sad to note that many people have placed pecuniary gains and materialistic things above access and knowledge.
When you invest time and resources into the right relationship, it will germinate like a seed that is planted on a fertile soil. These relationships will introduce you to the right associations which will in turn provide you with the information you will need to succeed.
The power of information cannot be overemphasized. Information will only come to you when you have the right relationship and association. Did you know that if you are not informed, you are ill-informed and once you are ill-informed, you can’t perform because information leads to reformation and transformation. In fact, information leads to formation. You are a product of what you have learned, if you don’t read, you won’t know.
According to Charlie “Tremendous” Jones, “You are the same person today and in five years except for two things: the people you meet and the books you read.”
On a personal note, I can attribute my success to the relationship and association I keep. Sometimes, people ask me how I do what I do and how I meet the people I meet. I simply tell them, I’m smart by association and I’m a voracious reader. I say this because I am very intentional in what I do and how I relate with people.
Still on association, when people join associations or live in a particular neighborhood, they do it for a reason. When people pay to attend certain events, schools or travel or even volunteer for certain people or associations, they are doing it for a reason. When people seek mentors, they are seeking for people they hold in high esteem either in their professional capacity or based on their principles or integrity. Even the book of life says Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (“Proverbs 13:20).
One may be concerned; how does one build these powerful associations? It begins with being selective and intentional. The first question, one needs to ask oneself is what do I want from this person or association? It’s important to align yourself with individuals who share your values and aspirations.
The next step is to embrace diversity. It’s imperative that you connect with people from various backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives to life. This will help to enrich your experience, worldview, in addition to making you more innovative and adaptive. We live in a global and social economy. Like I always say, why be local when you can be global?
Furthermore, according to an African proverb “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” You cannot do life alone. All you need is the right people and association. The right people will support your efforts and accelerate your success. The wrong people will retard your progress altogether. According to kola Adesina, CEO Sahara Group, what you need in life is the right people and not necessarily Presidents, Governors, celebrities or people with money.
In conclusion, do you want to succeed in life? Then be intentional with books, people and association.
The FCT Police Command says it has arrested the lawmaker representing Aba North and South Federal Constituency of Abia State in the House of Representatives, Hon. Alexander Ikwechegh for allegedly assaulting a Bolt driver identified as Mr. Stephen Abuwatseya and making derogatory comment on the office of the Inspector General of Police.
A statement on Monday by the Spokesperson of the FCT Police Command, SP Josephine Adeh said the Command received a report at the Maitama Divisional Headquarters regarding an incident involving Mr. Abuwatseya and Hon. Alexander Ikwechegh.
“Preliminary investigations indicate that Mr. Abuwatseya was delivering a package to Hon. Ikwegh when a dispute arose concerning the method of delivery. During this altercation, Mr. Abuwatseya was reportedly physically assaulted.
“The FCT Police Command expresses grave concern over Hon. Ikwechegh’s dismissive attitude toward the office of the Inspector General of Police following the incident.
“After allegedly slapping the victim, he reportedly remarked with contempt, “You can go ahead and call the Inspector General of Police,” demonstrating a troubling disregard for the authority of law enforcement.
“Currently, the suspect is at the Maitama Police Station undergoing questioning,” the FCT police image maker said.
She added that the FCT Commissioner of Police, CP Olatunji Disu has mandated a thorough investigation into the matter while assuring of the Command’s commitment to conducting an impartial investigation and ensuring justice in all cases.
Police said appropriate legal action will be taken upon completion of the investigation.
The Zone 2 Command Headquarters under the leadership of AIG Adegoke M. Fayoade, has held a lecture on measuring gender-related killings of women and girls (femicides), with a view to presenting recommendations for data systems improvement, advocacy and Action.
The lecture, which was held at the MD Abubakar Conference Hall, Zone 2 Command Headquarters, Onikan, Lagos, was was presided over by AIG Fayoade with senior personnel in attendance.
The presentation, according to a statement by the Zone’s Public Relations Officer, SP Ayuba Ummah, and made available to the National Association of Online Security News Publishers (NAOSNP), was an awareness and training programme, which aims at closing the statistical gap and establish a framework for measuring femicides within the Nigeria Police Force and relevant stakeholders to enhance policy making in ending this brutal manifestation of Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) as well as provide a comparable data for global reference.
During the lecture, the Force Pathologist, ACP (Dr.) Samuel Keshinro, spoke on “Measuring Gender-related Killing of Women and Girls (femicides) in Lagos State to Present Recommendations for Data Systems Improvements, Advocacy and Action” focusing on the importance of data collection to assess the burden of femicide according to the framework of the International Classification of Crime for Statistical Purposes (ICCS). The ICCS is a classification of criminal offences developed by the UN based on internationally agreed concepts, definitions and principles to enhance the consistency and international comparability of crime statistics and improve analytical capabilities at both the national and international levels.
At the presentation, Dr Keshinro cited the Spotlight Initiative (the United Nations high-impact initiative to end violence against women and girls) on VAWG stating that one in three women experience sexual, physical, and psychological abuse including victims of trafficking, or violent social norms. The pervasiveness of VAWG which is a subset of GBV that specifically targets females are perpetrated by intimate partners i.e. Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) which includes husbands, boyfriend, ex-husband and ex-boyfriends causing sexual, physical, and psychological harm to the female gender. The extreme form of VAWG that causes death is called FEMICIDE defined by the UN as the intentional killing of a woman or a girl with a gender-related motivation.
Dear Destiny Friends,
The best helping hand you will ever find is at the end of your own arm – John Mason
One of the best forms of love, if not the best, is self-love. The ultimate truth is that apart from the creator, nobody can love you more than you can love yourself.
As human beings, sometimes, we depend on other people’s love to feel loved. Some people even desire social media and online love just to be accepted into the society. No doubt, everyone loves attention and approval.
Everyone loves to be accepted, appreciated, and recognized, but some of us are not ready to do the needful to attract the desired attention. The simple truth about life is that nobody can give you attention, neither will anyone give you recognition if you have not given them a reason to do so. So, one needs to help themselves before other people can help them.
Helping yourself is the best thing that can happen to you. When you help yourself, the joy hits differently. Helping yourself is not limited to adding value to your life. Did you know that self-care is a lifestyle, and it is one of the ways to help your life. Some of the ways self-care can help your life are engaging in regular exercise, eating healthy, avoiding drugs and alcohol, and sleeping well. Self-help also involves taking care of your mental, emotional, physical, environment, recreational, financial, social, physical, and spiritual needs.
Did you know that practicing simple self-care activities can help one achieve greater mental clarity, and gain a better understanding of their feelings?
Helping oneself is okay so long as it doesn’t involve unlawful actions or breach of peace. It’s sad to see people engage in illegality just to get what they want.
Those that depend on fellow human beings for help might be disappointed. Even though they may not have the intention to fail you, life sometimes, happens. They too might be going through personal challenges. Always leave a space in your heart to forgive or overlook when supposed friends, mentors, family members, mentors and benefactors don’t come through for you.
The sad reality of life is that, most times, we like to receive from resourceful persons, but we don’t seem to ask who will give to them. Do you think manna will fall from heaven for them? No. They must find creative ways to make ends meet. One of my mentors once stated, ‘you can work alone, but you can’t eat alone’.
What you don’t know is that these resourceful people were able to help themselves. That’s why they were able to get assistance from established institutions and resourceful people. Some of them might have had a business plans which they pitched to a team of panelists. Some developed programmes, sowed seeds, traveled far and wide and made mistakes while searching for the right path. These are some ways of helping oneself.
I have always stated, we all go through a secret frustration which nobody knows. For a fact, it is easier for people to assist you when you have added adequate value to your life. When you do, people won’t see you as a liability, rather, they will see you as a resource being.
In my journey towards life, I have realized that when you have a mentor or leader you respect, your ability to do the work will enable them to put the icing on the cake. I vividly remember when I published my first book, I had to reach out to Dr. Chief Dele Momodu to write the Foreword to my book. He was kind enough to accept my request. Imagine, if I had not written the book, the opportunity wouldn’t have arisen.
Now, you see that I was able to help myself before help came through. Isn’t it true that heaven helps those who help themselves.
In contemporary times, sometimes, we hope and rely on family members, friends, mentors, associates, mentees, benefactors and more, to help our craft just because we feel and think they are in a better position to assist us, depending on their position or status, but the reality is that sometimes we ask people things that are beyond them and when they refuse to assist, we feel offended.
One of my mentors, Dr. Yomi Garnett, rightly stated as follows, “So your aunt won’t help you financially. Your well-connected uncle won’t give you an introductory note to his minister-friend. Refuse to despise or resent them. Forgive them. Make excuses for them, such as they have enough challenges of their own. Then promptly take responsibility for your own life and your own success by asking God to show you His way.”
I can relate to Dr. Garnett’s statement because, in the past, I have tried to reach some people, some I shared my programmes for consideration, while others came via introduction. In most of these engagements, I couldn’t get what I wanted either because I didn’t come prepared, or was yet to develop the required capacity and competence to execute the task. However, when I developed expertise, they came for me, and in some cases, I was highly recommended. This is the reality of life; people generally love ripe fruits as opposed to unripe fruits which don’t taste nice.
During my formative years, I depended on people to the extent I feel entitled for their support because I felt they were rich, wealthy, and highly connected. I didn’t realize life doesn’t work that way. It was much later in life I realized that it will be easier for them to share their network and net worth with me when I have helped myself. As a matter of fact, that has become my fate because I have had opportunities to relate and work closely with some of my benefactors.
Today, I charge you to make an intentional effort to help yourself. Give your life a meaning. Stop complaining and start to take action to change the course of your life. You are not alone in this struggle; we are all in it together. Remember, nobody can write your story more than you and if you don’t talk about yourself, nobody will talk about you.
In conclusion, endeavor to help yourself so others can help you.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
