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Food for Living: Don’t Settle for Less
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By Henry Ukazu
Greetings Friends,
I will like to start today’s article with some positive assertions. The joy of every progressive being is to get to the peak of their career in life. The joy of every young man/woman who wants to go into relationship or tie the marital knots is to get the best love experience ever which is not limited to having a faithful, caring, understanding, peaceful, loyal and loving partner; The joy of every rational person is to get the best out of life no matter what life throws at you. Nobody likes to be disrespected. As a rule of thumb, never you settle for less, especially when you deserve the best. It doesn’t matter if you are searching for a job, or a marriage partner, setting up a business, etc. All that matters is for you to give and demand the best.
During the course of this article, we shall be discussing relationship, job/career, personal living and life in general. It is instructive to know that you don’t have to agree with what you don’t want. A huge part of settling for less is by being a “yes man” or “yes woman”. If you agree to things you don’t really want, you are building a life that doesn’t reflect your own needs and identity.
Marriage/Relationship
This is one of the most interesting journeys every human being must undertake in one way or another. Whether you are dating, or you are already in a relationship or even married, you definitely have a preference for who you are willing to date or spend the rest of your life with. Just like Gary Chapman stated in his book “The Five Love Languages”: Words affirmation, physical touch, gift, services, and time as the five love languages. According to him, most human beings respond to one or two of these love languages, so your ability to know what works for a particular being can give you an opportunity to relate closely with the person. It is quite unfortunate that many people don’t know what they need in a relationship, and in life, and this singular factor/act makes them settle for less. You must continually demand what you need and desire in life especially when you are ready to act/measure up with the same expectations. Requesting for more is not a crime, in fact, it is a requirement or prerequisite for you to have a blissful and harmonious relationship. When you settle for less than you desire in relationship, you will have to live with regret and unfulfillment. To make it more practical, if you have a taste for a particular kind of woman or a man with a specific character; particular body feature; academic qualification or career, please don’t settle for less, go for it because only you know that which will make you happy. Your desire in life shouldn’t be compromised on the altar of sentiments. It is often said that that once a woman knows her worth, she won’t settle for less again. As a word of advice, you deserve someone who is intentional and clear about their feelings for you. You should not have to sit around and wonder how they feel about you or where you stay in their life. Also, walk away from a relationship that isn’t making you a happier and better person. It is better to be single and alone than to be in a half-assed relationship that leads you to the deception that you are not good enough.
Let’s share some practical tips on how not to settle for less in a relationship
1. Gain self-awareness about your choices in partners and their willingness to meet your emotional and personal needs.
2. Focus on finding your passions rather than finding a soulmate. Embrace some of the pleasures of being single – take a class, join a book club, watch your favorite movies, etc. A renowned author Holly Riordan writes: “Instead of searching every corner of the earth for someone you love, you should be searching for something you love for your passion.”
3. Set an expectation of mutual respect. Look for friends and partners who admire and respect you for who you are. If they respect you, they’ll give you compliments, encourage you to do things that are in your best interest, and enjoy spending time with you.
4. Don’t compromise your values. Figure out your core beliefs and stand by them. Ask for what you need and speak up when something bothers you. Be more assertive (not aggressive) by stating your needs in a positive way.
5. Extend trust to a partner who is interested in planning a future with you. Does your partner call when they say they’re going to and follow through on commitments? When someone is interested in a relationship, they keep their agreements. Look for consistency between someone’s words and actions. Don’t waste your time on a relationship that doesn’t have a future. If he or she says they aren’t ready for a commitment, take them seriously!
Know Your Worth:
This is another interesting part of life. You need to know your worth as a human being. Knowing your worth is not limited to your lifestyle, it also transcends to your business. When you know your worth as a human being, you give yourself the due respect to know what you can tolerate and what you can’t tolerate. You also give other people the opportunity to know what you stand for in life. As you may know, if you are not willing to stand for something, you’ll for anything. Even if you have a business, your ability to define your value is very important for your people to take you serious. For instance, if you want to charge someone a service, it will be thoughtful to include the time you invest in delivery the service as opposed to the actual service you rendered. In concrete terms, you are really charging the person for your value and time as opposed to the price they are paying for the commodity. When you know your worth nobody will take you for a ride especially when you respect yourself. As a matter of fact, nobody will disrespect you without your consent. The better you feel, the easier it becomes for you to reject mistreatment. And when you resist the need to settle, you will be rewarded with opportunities.
Job/Career/Business:
Financial stability is the joy of any prospective employee or career professional. However, before you can get your dream career job you must have prepared yourself by learning the desired skills, have the required knowledge, understanding, information and training necessary to do the job. When you are fully equipped, you stand a better chance of demanding what you think you deserve. There are situations when people ask for a particular amount of money as a salary or even a raise in their pay but they fail to understand that nobody pays for you extra for what you do, except for the extra work or skill or even solution you offer. Furthermore, as a prospective employee, if you know what you truly deserve, don’t settle for less out of desperation. Sometimes, we miss greater and better opportunities out desperation when we take a cut and job that is far less than what we deserve. As a word of advice, always stand your ground with diplomacy by negotiating well for what you deserve.
Personal Life and Life in general:
This is similar to knowing your worth but with a slight difference as it relates to personal life and life in general. Life has a way of throwing many blows at us, but how we react to it is what makes the difference. We all have different shock absorbers. Your ability to adapt to different challenges and situations can either make or mar you. In as much as your personal life is different from your reputation or what people think about you, you should be able to define yourself and know what you can settle for. Sometimes, life throws so many bullets at you and makes you accept the appearance as reality forgetting that appearance is not reality. Don’t settle for anything life offers you. The only time you can settle for what life has given to you is when you have done your best and even at that never you settle for less until you have done your best and never give you accept anything less than you think you deserve devoid of pride and entitlement mentality. Remember, you need to have a positive mindset to appreciate the challenges life offers to you. Recognize that not getting what you want is not a personal curse.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success. He can be reached via henrous@gmail.com
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
Everyone loves influence. Everyone wants to be a person of influence. Everyone wants to be relevant. Everyone wants to be celebrated. Everyone likes attention, appreciation, approval, and admiration. All these are products of influence.
The question I need you to ask yourself is, are you a person of influence? Are you influencing anyone? Do you have a positive or negative influence on your children, spouse, friends, mentors/mentee, or even strangers? Take a minute to listen to yourself.
When we talk about influence, uninformed minds just think influence is only about money, power, authority, or even being a mentor. Influence is far from it. We are all influencers in one way or another. Many people have influenced us in different ways, some positive, some negative. Similarly, we have also influenced many people in good and bad ways.
But today, I’m here to share with you what influence is about and the positive ways one can be a person of influence. Influence comes in different ways: as a politician, you are influencing people; as a leader, you are influencing policy; as a youth advocate, mentor, teacher, pastor, and employee, you are influencing somebody in one way or the other.
Do you know you can influence someone with your lifestyle? Yes, the way you talk, write, lead, dress, eat, exercise, preach the word of God, do your job, serve people, train your children, etc., are all part of influence. Influence is powerful. It has a way of permeating someone without them knowing. I believe that’s why my late mother would always say, if you are hanging out with a friend, only take the good part and leave the bad part.
We currently live in the 21st century, where the internet leads. The internet is regarded as the fifth estate for a reason, because it empowers networked individuals and alternative media to hold traditional institutions, governments, and mainstream media accountable. Everyone and almost everything is on the internet; however, sometimes, the information we get on the internet is regarded as fake because it’s unverified.
In some quarters, the internet has been regarded as a bad influence on the younger generation because of the limited restrictions and the negative information it has exposed their minds to think in a particular way. Some other schools of thought have opined that the internet has done more good than harm due to the knowledge it has exposed their minds to, as opposed to the information being peddled by some other schools of thought. Regardless of the aisle one belongs to, the internet truly has its pros and cons, especially as it relates to influence.
The big question one needs to answer is what influence is. According to Nosakhare Tune Oni – A Pan-African Strategist, leadership and business coach, “influence is when people trust your judgment enough to act on it. It is when someone calls you before making an important decision. When your recommendation opens a door. When your name carries weight in a room, you’re not even in. When people are willing to put their reputation behind yours. That’s influence.
Let’s take a minute to dwell on those lines again. Has anyone played any of such roles in your life? If yes, that’s the best definition of influence in a nutshell. Influence is not about quantity, but quality. The quality of people in your life is more valuable than the quantity of people one’s life. Do you know we don’t really need battalions of friends, whether online or in person, but just one person of influence can be a game-changer. According to Les Brown, a leadership coach, we need only quality people.
Do you know we are everywhere and nowhere at the same time? Do you also know that we can be everywhere and still have very little influence? Influence is about knowing your value and the right people who appreciate the value you bring. Do you know one can be a person of value to the wrong person or audience?
Influence is about having followers who believe and follow your teaching. We can have visibility with little or no influence. One may have 100,000 followers. We may trend on Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, LinkedIn, or even WhatsApp. Your name is a household name. That is visibility.
Let me give you a practical example. If you have a large crowd of people following you online or in person. The critical question one must ask oneself is: why are they following me? Are they following me because of my ideology, my talent/gift, academic process, position, profession, vocation, skill, or jokes? If they follow you because of the ideology you represent, you are a person of influence. If they are following you because of your jokes, you may be a content creator or comedian with little or no value in influencing them to do or not do certain things. Real influence provokes action.
According to Nosakhare Tune Oni, influence is built differently from attention. Attention can be bought. Influence must be earned. You can manufacture visibility with advertising, controversy, or constant posting. But you cannot manufacture trust that easily. It comes from consistently being useful. Keeping your word. Knowing what you’re talking about. Showing up when it matters. Building relationships before you need them.
And creating value for people without constantly asking, “What’s in it for me?”
Do you know a person with 1,000 followers and deep trust within a particular industry may have more real influence than someone with 100,000 followers who nobody listens to. So, I don’t think the goal should simply be: “How many people know me?” A better question is: “How much does my presence actually change things?” Because visibility gets you noticed. Value gets you remembered. Trust gets you listened to, but influence is what happens when people trust your value enough to move.
As I prepare to conclude, please take a minute to ask yourself: are you a person of influence? Do you have influence? What positive influence have you had on people or anyone? Today, I want you to be a man/lady of influence like Martin Luther King Jnr, Mother Theresea, Evangelist Ebuka Obi, President Nelson Mandela, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Dr. Kola Adesina, Dr. Joe Abah, Dr. Dele Momodu, Barr. Henry Ukazu and Miss Ginika Dike.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer, and author of Design Your Destiny- Actualizing Your Birthright to Success, Unleash Your Destiny, and The Six Pillars of Success. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
The Director-General (D-G) of World Trade Organisation (WTO), Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, has commended Governor Alex Otti for the reforms she said are strengthening Abia State’s financial sustainability and driving economic transformation.
Okonjo-Iweala, who spoke in a virtual goodwill message at the 35th anniversary lecture marking the creation of Abia State, also urged the government to develop the “Made in Aba” label into a globally recognised brand.
The anniversary lecture under the theme, “The Rise of a New Abia,” was held on Wednesday at the International Conference Centre, Umuahia.
The WTO D-G said the Otti administration has increased internally generated revenue (IGR), reduced the State’s dependence on Federation Account allocations and prioritised capital expenditure.
She also noted the State’s investments in infrastructure and improved electricity supply, as well as the settlement of inherited salary and pension arrears and reduction of its debt burden.
While acknowledging that more work remains to be done, Okonjo-Iweala expressed optimism that Abia could harness its potential to create jobs, prosperity and dignity for its people.
She said improved infrastructure, supportive policies and strategic investments in high-potential sectors could position the state within national, regional and global value chains.
Okonjo-Iweala specifically urged the government to build “Made in Aba” into a globally recognised brand while strengthening Umuahia as a light manufacturing and administrative centre.
Also speaking, the keynote speaker and former Minister of Aviation, Chief Osita Chidoka, said there was visible evidence of development in Abia since Otti assumed office in 2023.
Chidoka, however, said the ultimate test of the administration would be whether it could move Abia from having a capable governor to building a capable and sustainable state.
He said Otti’s emphasis on education is consistent with convictions he had expressed long before becoming governor, particularly in his 2014 book, Saving the Future.
Chidoka commended the consistent appropriation of 20 per cent of the State’s annual budget to education and expressed optimism that Abia could eventually become a reference point for good governance.
Meanwhile, Otti apologised to the Abia State University, Uturu (ABSU), community over the delayed implementation of approved demands by the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU), which resulted in the union’s recent strike.
The governor described the strike as avoidable and warned that “heads will roll” if such bureaucratic lapses recur.
Otti said the demands presented by ASUU-ABSU were legitimate and had been approved by him months earlier, but expressed concern that the approval had not been implemented.
“ASUU went on strike about a week or two ago in Abia State University, Uturu. Their requests came to me. I looked at those requests, and they were legitimate requests, and I approved them.
“But months later, I’m not saying weeks, months later, I was to be told that, yes, you have approved. But it had not been implemented.
“So, I want to, on this podium, apologise to Abia State University as well. That strike was avoidable. And I’ve told my people, if it happens again, heads will roll,” Otti said.
The governor congratulated Abians on the state’s 35th anniversary, stressing that governance was not about an individual but about building sustainable institutions and improving on existing foundations.
He reiterated his commitment to education, explaining that his administration’s decision to abolish school fees, including in the state’s smart schools, was driven by his long-standing belief in the transformative power of education.
In a vote of thanks, the Commissioner for Information, Prince Okey Kanu, called for the cooperation and support of Abians in sustaining what he described as the “rise of a New Abia.”
The event attracted members of the National Assembly, members of the State Executive Council, traditional rulers, members of the clergy and other dignitaries.
Chairman/GCEO of Adron Group, Aare Adetola Emmanuelking, has paid a strategic visit to the Niger Foods Breeding and Feedlot Center to explore a landmark agricultural partnership. The move is aimed at transforming Nigeria’s agricultural landscape and expanding opportunities within the nation’s agribusiness value chain.
The engagement between the two organisations focused on unlocking vast opportunities in the livestock industry and exploring the establishment of specialised Adron Farm Estates across Niger State, with the Center positioned to play a strategic facilitation role in the proposed collaboration.
Adron Homes and Properties, widely recognised as one of Nigeria’s foremost real estate development companies, has built a strong reputation for delivering secure, affordable and premium housing developments across the country. Through this proposed initiative, the Group is set to extend its proven expertise in structured estate development into the agricultural sector.
The proposed Adron Farm Estates are envisioned as purpose-built agricultural communities, providing structured, secure and infrastructure-driven land layouts designed to support commercial farming, livestock production and agro-processing.
During a tour of the Niger Foods Breeding and Feedlot Center, discussions between the leadership of Adron Group and the Center highlighted the critical role of modern infrastructure and structured development in addressing the challenges of Nigeria’s fragmented agricultural market system.
The proposed collaboration seeks to combine Adron Group’s extensive experience in land development and infrastructure with the agricultural expertise, livestock production capacity and market development experience of the Niger Foods Breeding and Feedlot Center, with the objective of creating a new and sustainable model for agricultural development.
Beyond enhancing food production and unlocking new opportunities in livestock and agribusiness, the initiative is expected to stimulate rural development, create employment opportunities, attract investment and strengthen the agricultural value chain across Niger State.
The collaboration between Adron Group and the Niger Foods Breeding and Feedlot Center also holds the potential to position Niger State as a major hub for integrated agricultural and real estate development, while demonstrating how strategic partnerships between the real estate and agricultural sectors can unlock new possibilities for economic growth and national development.
As discussions between both organisations progress, the proposed partnership represents another bold step by Adron Group towards exploring innovative development models that respond to emerging opportunities, create sustainable communities and contribute meaningfully to Nigeria’s economic transformation.
