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Food for Living: Don’t Settle for Less
By Henry Ukazu
Greetings Friends,
I will like to start today’s article with some positive assertions. The joy of every progressive being is to get to the peak of their career in life. The joy of every young man/woman who wants to go into relationship or tie the marital knots is to get the best love experience ever which is not limited to having a faithful, caring, understanding, peaceful, loyal and loving partner; The joy of every rational person is to get the best out of life no matter what life throws at you. Nobody likes to be disrespected. As a rule of thumb, never you settle for less, especially when you deserve the best. It doesn’t matter if you are searching for a job, or a marriage partner, setting up a business, etc. All that matters is for you to give and demand the best.
During the course of this article, we shall be discussing relationship, job/career, personal living and life in general. It is instructive to know that you don’t have to agree with what you don’t want. A huge part of settling for less is by being a “yes man” or “yes woman”. If you agree to things you don’t really want, you are building a life that doesn’t reflect your own needs and identity.
Marriage/Relationship
This is one of the most interesting journeys every human being must undertake in one way or another. Whether you are dating, or you are already in a relationship or even married, you definitely have a preference for who you are willing to date or spend the rest of your life with. Just like Gary Chapman stated in his book “The Five Love Languages”: Words affirmation, physical touch, gift, services, and time as the five love languages. According to him, most human beings respond to one or two of these love languages, so your ability to know what works for a particular being can give you an opportunity to relate closely with the person. It is quite unfortunate that many people don’t know what they need in a relationship, and in life, and this singular factor/act makes them settle for less. You must continually demand what you need and desire in life especially when you are ready to act/measure up with the same expectations. Requesting for more is not a crime, in fact, it is a requirement or prerequisite for you to have a blissful and harmonious relationship. When you settle for less than you desire in relationship, you will have to live with regret and unfulfillment. To make it more practical, if you have a taste for a particular kind of woman or a man with a specific character; particular body feature; academic qualification or career, please don’t settle for less, go for it because only you know that which will make you happy. Your desire in life shouldn’t be compromised on the altar of sentiments. It is often said that that once a woman knows her worth, she won’t settle for less again. As a word of advice, you deserve someone who is intentional and clear about their feelings for you. You should not have to sit around and wonder how they feel about you or where you stay in their life. Also, walk away from a relationship that isn’t making you a happier and better person. It is better to be single and alone than to be in a half-assed relationship that leads you to the deception that you are not good enough.
Let’s share some practical tips on how not to settle for less in a relationship
1. Gain self-awareness about your choices in partners and their willingness to meet your emotional and personal needs.
2. Focus on finding your passions rather than finding a soulmate. Embrace some of the pleasures of being single – take a class, join a book club, watch your favorite movies, etc. A renowned author Holly Riordan writes: “Instead of searching every corner of the earth for someone you love, you should be searching for something you love for your passion.”
3. Set an expectation of mutual respect. Look for friends and partners who admire and respect you for who you are. If they respect you, they’ll give you compliments, encourage you to do things that are in your best interest, and enjoy spending time with you.
4. Don’t compromise your values. Figure out your core beliefs and stand by them. Ask for what you need and speak up when something bothers you. Be more assertive (not aggressive) by stating your needs in a positive way.
5. Extend trust to a partner who is interested in planning a future with you. Does your partner call when they say they’re going to and follow through on commitments? When someone is interested in a relationship, they keep their agreements. Look for consistency between someone’s words and actions. Don’t waste your time on a relationship that doesn’t have a future. If he or she says they aren’t ready for a commitment, take them seriously!
Know Your Worth:
This is another interesting part of life. You need to know your worth as a human being. Knowing your worth is not limited to your lifestyle, it also transcends to your business. When you know your worth as a human being, you give yourself the due respect to know what you can tolerate and what you can’t tolerate. You also give other people the opportunity to know what you stand for in life. As you may know, if you are not willing to stand for something, you’ll for anything. Even if you have a business, your ability to define your value is very important for your people to take you serious. For instance, if you want to charge someone a service, it will be thoughtful to include the time you invest in delivery the service as opposed to the actual service you rendered. In concrete terms, you are really charging the person for your value and time as opposed to the price they are paying for the commodity. When you know your worth nobody will take you for a ride especially when you respect yourself. As a matter of fact, nobody will disrespect you without your consent. The better you feel, the easier it becomes for you to reject mistreatment. And when you resist the need to settle, you will be rewarded with opportunities.
Job/Career/Business:
Financial stability is the joy of any prospective employee or career professional. However, before you can get your dream career job you must have prepared yourself by learning the desired skills, have the required knowledge, understanding, information and training necessary to do the job. When you are fully equipped, you stand a better chance of demanding what you think you deserve. There are situations when people ask for a particular amount of money as a salary or even a raise in their pay but they fail to understand that nobody pays for you extra for what you do, except for the extra work or skill or even solution you offer. Furthermore, as a prospective employee, if you know what you truly deserve, don’t settle for less out of desperation. Sometimes, we miss greater and better opportunities out desperation when we take a cut and job that is far less than what we deserve. As a word of advice, always stand your ground with diplomacy by negotiating well for what you deserve.
Personal Life and Life in general:
This is similar to knowing your worth but with a slight difference as it relates to personal life and life in general. Life has a way of throwing many blows at us, but how we react to it is what makes the difference. We all have different shock absorbers. Your ability to adapt to different challenges and situations can either make or mar you. In as much as your personal life is different from your reputation or what people think about you, you should be able to define yourself and know what you can settle for. Sometimes, life throws so many bullets at you and makes you accept the appearance as reality forgetting that appearance is not reality. Don’t settle for anything life offers you. The only time you can settle for what life has given to you is when you have done your best and even at that never you settle for less until you have done your best and never give you accept anything less than you think you deserve devoid of pride and entitlement mentality. Remember, you need to have a positive mindset to appreciate the challenges life offers to you. Recognize that not getting what you want is not a personal curse.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success. He can be reached via henrous@gmail.com
News
‘He Died a Natural Death’ – Katsina Govt Announces Death of Gen Rabe Abubakar in Kidnappers’ Captivity
A Retired Major-General and former Director of Defence Information, Rabe Abubakar, is dead.
According to the Katsina state government, Abubakar died in bandits’ captivity.
The retired major-general and his wife were abducted in May while travelling through Katsina.
On June 6, a video showing Abubakar and his wife appealing to the Katsina government for the release of detained bandits and livestock surfaced online.
A statement on Saturday by Nasiru Mu’azu, commissioner for internal security and home affairs, said Abubakar died from complications of diabetes and hypertension.
“It is with profound sadness that we confirm the General’s death while in bandits’ captivity,” the statement reads.
“Despite the relentless and concerted efforts of the State Government and various Security Agencies to secure his safe release, the situation ended in this tragedy.
“The deceased Retired General died a natural death from complications of diabetes and hypertension.
“His abduction and subsequent death are not only a loss to his family and Katsina State but a monumental loss to the entire country.
“His Excellency, the Executive Governor of Katsina State Malam Dikko Umaru Radda, PhD, CON, extends his deepest condolences to the family of the late General and the country at-large.
“The Governor has described this incident as a “dark moment” and a reminder of the urgent need for a collective and intensified front against the criminal elements threatening the peace of our communities.”
The Katsina government added that it remains committed to working with the federal government and security forces to ensure that those responsible for the heinous act are brought to justice.
“We assure the citizens of Katsina State that our resolve to eliminate banditry and ensure the safety of all residents remains unshaken,” the statement added.
“Our thoughts and prayers are with the bereaved family during this difficult time. May the soul of the departed Retired Major General Rabe Abdulakdir rest in eternal peace.”
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
The power in a name, or inspiration and influence they come with, when properly triggered and applied, cannot be overestimated. Influence and name are powerful, and run pari passu. This is because in the journey of life, there are certain heights one can’t attain even with their resources. And that’s where ‘names’ and influence come in.
One might have all the grades, skills, and knowledge, but getting an opportunity might be difficult. Imagine having a good grade in school, but can’t find a commensurate job. As a matter of fact, someone with less qualification and experience might get the job simply because a man of influence endorsed their candidacy. That’s why the saying; ‘a good name is better than riches’ is tantamount to a man with access to power is more influential than a man with knowledge but no access.
For one to succeed in our contemporary society, they need a helper who could either be a mentor, benefactor, an inspiration, or someone with influence, or all in one. All these refer to one thing – name. Names are powerful and open doors. A name can serve as an inspiration which can open doors of opportunity for anyone. I remember the day one of my mentors said to me that for his name to be on my resumè, I must earn it. That’s how powerful names can be.
To further buttress how powerful a name can be, let’s consider the following – In 2018, as a budding author, I reached out to one of my mentors, Chief Dele Momodu to give me a column to write in his online newspaper which is considered one of the biggest, if not the biggest online newspaper in Nigeria. He graciously agreed, advising me to be consistent.
Guess what, since that date, I haven’t missed a week. One may be wondering how I have been consistent,; well the answer is not far fetched, I couldn’t imagine failing Chief Dele Momodu. I couldn’t imagine producing articles that are below standard. In all sincerity, assuming someone else without a big name gave me the opportunity, maybe, I wouldn’t have taken it very seriously like I did for Chief Dele Momodu. This goes to tell you names are powerful.
Can you imagine working for the President of the United States of America or Elon Musk? One will almost be perfect. The same energy and detailed attention one pays to President Trump or Elon Musk will be different if given an opportunity to work for an elected council man or a businessman. This is because one would not like to risk a lifetime opportunity to serve with a man of influence.
The importance of inspiration in the life of a progressive man cannot be overemphasized. Everyone needs inspiration. Inspiration can come from various angles. It can be from a benefactor, mentor, teacher, parent, friend, a Minister of the gospel, or even one’s child.
Let me share a personal experience I had with another of my mentors – Dr. Joe Abah. In 2025, he organized #fitseptember physical exercise where he advised his followers to do a 30 push for the month of September. Again, in January, he organized #fitjanuary and I actively participated in it, and since then I haven’t missed one single day without exercising for at least ten minutes. Why is this analysis important? The name Dr. Joe Abah is a household name in Nigeria social-political space. Assuming it was a regular person who made the announcement on X, the comment wouldn’t have attracted the kind of attention that made it go viral.
Furthermore, it is worthy of note that there are five kinds of authority when it comes to principle of power in a name. They are; Revealed knowledge, empirical knowledge, rational knowledge, intuitive knowledge and authoritative knowledge. The focus here is on authoritative knowledge.
One may be wondering what authoritative knowledge is. This is a kind of knowledge reserved for those who have expertise on a particular issue or subject matter expert. When such a person speaks, their words are like law.
Let’s talk about men of influence. Men of influence are priceless. According to Apostle Joshua Selman, there are four kinds of destiny helpers: Divine Connectors, Men of Influence, Gifted People, and Burden Bearers. For the sake of this article, I will focus on men of influence. These are gatekeepers, mentors, or established experts with high credibility. Their endorsement or advocacy can override limitations, grant you access to closed doors, and elevate your trajectory.
In summary, honor men, but fear God because men are vessels God uses to bless people and humanity.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
The Senate, on Thursday, directed the Department of State Services (DSS), the Nigeria Police Force and other security agencies to intensify efforts to track, identify and arrest bandits and terrorists, who openly flaunt their activities and wealth on social media platforms.
The upper chamber said the growing trend of criminal groups operating openly online and displaying proceeds of crime without fear of arrest poses a serious threat to national security and undermines public confidence in the authority of the State.
The resolution followed a debate on a motion sponsored by Senator Sunday Karimi (Kogi West) on the worsening security situation in Kogi West Senatorial District and other parts of the country.
Contributing to the debate, Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan (Kogi Central) expressed concern over what she described as the increasing boldness of bandits and terrorists, alleging that some criminal groups now use social media platforms to showcase their operations and distribute large sums of money.
According to her, suspected bandits recently conducted a giveaway on TikTok, allegedly distributing more than N100 million within 30 minutes through their social media accounts.
She argued that such activities provide security agencies with sufficient digital footprints and intelligence leads to identify and apprehend the perpetrators.
“Bandits and terrorists who carry out these activities live on their social media handles,” Akpoti-Uduaghan said.
“Two days ago on TikTok, bandits conducted a giveaway, distributing over N100 million within the space of 30 minutes through their social media handles.
“I wonder why the Cybercrime Unit and the Police Force generally cannot track these activities and apprehend them since they are on social media.”
Her proposal that the Nigerian Police Force National Cybercrime Centre and other relevant agencies should intensify surveillance of social media platforms and prosecute criminals who openly advertise their activities online received overwhelming support from lawmakers and was seconded by Senator Osita Ngwu (Enugu West).
Responding, Senate President Godswill Akpabio condemned the public display of criminal exploits and huge sums of money on social media, describing it as a direct challenge to the authority of government and security institutions.
“The DSS should be able to track their movements and arrest them because this is a show of impunity, as if there is no law at all,” Akpabio said.
He noted that the online display of cash and criminal activities was designed to ridicule government efforts and create the impression that security agencies were powerless.
“I do not see why we should not have control over the social media space. That idea of showing themselves, showing the cash collected and displaying it is a way of challenging government,” he added.
Akpabio urged heads of security agencies to treat the issue as a major national security concern and take immediate action against those involved.
He further warned that the Senate would demand explanations from relevant authorities whenever individuals who openly reveal their identities and activities online are not apprehended.
The debate arose from Senator Karimi’s motion drawing attention to the escalating wave of terrorist attacks, kidnappings and killings across communities in Kogi West Senatorial District.
Karimi lamented that armed groups had turned several communities into theatres of violence, forcing residents to flee their homes while disrupting economic, social and educational activities.
He cited the recent attack on Iluke-Bunu in Kabba/Bunu Local Government Area, where gunmen reportedly invaded a secondary school and attempted to abduct students writing the Senior Secondary School Certificate Examination.
According to him, the attack claimed the lives of the school’s vice principal, a teacher and another resident.
The senator also recounted a series of kidnappings and killings across Kabba/Bunu, Ijumu, Yagba West, Lokoja and Kogi local government areas, warning that insecurity in the district was worsening and required urgent intervention.
Following deliberations, the Senate adopted a series of resolutions aimed at tackling the deteriorating security situation across the country.
The lawmakers called on President Bola Tinubu, the Inspector-General of Police and the National Assembly to urgently work towards establishing an appropriate legal framework for the creation of state police.
The Senate also urged the Federal government and the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) to strengthen the implementation of cashless transaction policies as part of efforts to curb ransom payments and other criminal financial activities.
It further called on the Federal Ministry of Interior and the Nigerian Immigration Service to tighten border security and surveillance to stem the influx of arms and the movement of terrorists and other criminal elements into the country.
The upper chamber equally advised State governments against negotiating or entering peace agreements with terrorists and armed bandits, maintaining that such arrangements have often failed to produce lasting solutions and, in some cases, emboldened criminal groups.
