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Food for Living: Don’t Settle for Less
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By Henry Ukazu
Greetings Friends,
I will like to start today’s article with some positive assertions. The joy of every progressive being is to get to the peak of their career in life. The joy of every young man/woman who wants to go into relationship or tie the marital knots is to get the best love experience ever which is not limited to having a faithful, caring, understanding, peaceful, loyal and loving partner; The joy of every rational person is to get the best out of life no matter what life throws at you. Nobody likes to be disrespected. As a rule of thumb, never you settle for less, especially when you deserve the best. It doesn’t matter if you are searching for a job, or a marriage partner, setting up a business, etc. All that matters is for you to give and demand the best.
During the course of this article, we shall be discussing relationship, job/career, personal living and life in general. It is instructive to know that you don’t have to agree with what you don’t want. A huge part of settling for less is by being a “yes man” or “yes woman”. If you agree to things you don’t really want, you are building a life that doesn’t reflect your own needs and identity.
Marriage/Relationship
This is one of the most interesting journeys every human being must undertake in one way or another. Whether you are dating, or you are already in a relationship or even married, you definitely have a preference for who you are willing to date or spend the rest of your life with. Just like Gary Chapman stated in his book “The Five Love Languages”: Words affirmation, physical touch, gift, services, and time as the five love languages. According to him, most human beings respond to one or two of these love languages, so your ability to know what works for a particular being can give you an opportunity to relate closely with the person. It is quite unfortunate that many people don’t know what they need in a relationship, and in life, and this singular factor/act makes them settle for less. You must continually demand what you need and desire in life especially when you are ready to act/measure up with the same expectations. Requesting for more is not a crime, in fact, it is a requirement or prerequisite for you to have a blissful and harmonious relationship. When you settle for less than you desire in relationship, you will have to live with regret and unfulfillment. To make it more practical, if you have a taste for a particular kind of woman or a man with a specific character; particular body feature; academic qualification or career, please don’t settle for less, go for it because only you know that which will make you happy. Your desire in life shouldn’t be compromised on the altar of sentiments. It is often said that that once a woman knows her worth, she won’t settle for less again. As a word of advice, you deserve someone who is intentional and clear about their feelings for you. You should not have to sit around and wonder how they feel about you or where you stay in their life. Also, walk away from a relationship that isn’t making you a happier and better person. It is better to be single and alone than to be in a half-assed relationship that leads you to the deception that you are not good enough.
Let’s share some practical tips on how not to settle for less in a relationship
1. Gain self-awareness about your choices in partners and their willingness to meet your emotional and personal needs.
2. Focus on finding your passions rather than finding a soulmate. Embrace some of the pleasures of being single – take a class, join a book club, watch your favorite movies, etc. A renowned author Holly Riordan writes: “Instead of searching every corner of the earth for someone you love, you should be searching for something you love for your passion.”
3. Set an expectation of mutual respect. Look for friends and partners who admire and respect you for who you are. If they respect you, they’ll give you compliments, encourage you to do things that are in your best interest, and enjoy spending time with you.
4. Don’t compromise your values. Figure out your core beliefs and stand by them. Ask for what you need and speak up when something bothers you. Be more assertive (not aggressive) by stating your needs in a positive way.
5. Extend trust to a partner who is interested in planning a future with you. Does your partner call when they say they’re going to and follow through on commitments? When someone is interested in a relationship, they keep their agreements. Look for consistency between someone’s words and actions. Don’t waste your time on a relationship that doesn’t have a future. If he or she says they aren’t ready for a commitment, take them seriously!
Know Your Worth:
This is another interesting part of life. You need to know your worth as a human being. Knowing your worth is not limited to your lifestyle, it also transcends to your business. When you know your worth as a human being, you give yourself the due respect to know what you can tolerate and what you can’t tolerate. You also give other people the opportunity to know what you stand for in life. As you may know, if you are not willing to stand for something, you’ll for anything. Even if you have a business, your ability to define your value is very important for your people to take you serious. For instance, if you want to charge someone a service, it will be thoughtful to include the time you invest in delivery the service as opposed to the actual service you rendered. In concrete terms, you are really charging the person for your value and time as opposed to the price they are paying for the commodity. When you know your worth nobody will take you for a ride especially when you respect yourself. As a matter of fact, nobody will disrespect you without your consent. The better you feel, the easier it becomes for you to reject mistreatment. And when you resist the need to settle, you will be rewarded with opportunities.
Job/Career/Business:
Financial stability is the joy of any prospective employee or career professional. However, before you can get your dream career job you must have prepared yourself by learning the desired skills, have the required knowledge, understanding, information and training necessary to do the job. When you are fully equipped, you stand a better chance of demanding what you think you deserve. There are situations when people ask for a particular amount of money as a salary or even a raise in their pay but they fail to understand that nobody pays for you extra for what you do, except for the extra work or skill or even solution you offer. Furthermore, as a prospective employee, if you know what you truly deserve, don’t settle for less out of desperation. Sometimes, we miss greater and better opportunities out desperation when we take a cut and job that is far less than what we deserve. As a word of advice, always stand your ground with diplomacy by negotiating well for what you deserve.
Personal Life and Life in general:
This is similar to knowing your worth but with a slight difference as it relates to personal life and life in general. Life has a way of throwing many blows at us, but how we react to it is what makes the difference. We all have different shock absorbers. Your ability to adapt to different challenges and situations can either make or mar you. In as much as your personal life is different from your reputation or what people think about you, you should be able to define yourself and know what you can settle for. Sometimes, life throws so many bullets at you and makes you accept the appearance as reality forgetting that appearance is not reality. Don’t settle for anything life offers you. The only time you can settle for what life has given to you is when you have done your best and even at that never you settle for less until you have done your best and never give you accept anything less than you think you deserve devoid of pride and entitlement mentality. Remember, you need to have a positive mindset to appreciate the challenges life offers to you. Recognize that not getting what you want is not a personal curse.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success. He can be reached via henrous@gmail.com
The Court of Appeal, Abuja Division, has dismissed the EFCC’s appeal and affirmed the ₦12 million compensation awarded to Dr. Monday Ubani, SAN, for his unlawful 21-day detention in 2019. The court also awarded ₦300,000 in costs against the Commission.
Ubani was detained after securing administrative bail for a client accused of jumping bail. Despite a court order directing the EFCC to release him conditionally or charge him with any alleged offence, the Commission failed to comply, prompting his lawyer, Chief Professor Mike Ozekhome, to institute a fundamental rights action in his favour.
On January 5, 2022, the Abuja High Court, presided over by Justice Sylvanus Oriji, ruled in Ubani’s favour. The EFCC appealed, challenging the trial court’s jurisdiction and the amount of compensation awarded.
In dismissing the appeal, the Court of Appeal rejected both arguments, holding that the compensation was justified and that the EFCC’s investigative powers do not permit arbitrary detention or disobedience of court orders.
The judgment reaffirms that law enforcement agencies remain subject to the Constitution and judicial authority. It also underscores the protection of fundamental rights, the limits of law enforcement powers and the consequences of unlawful detention.
Beyond the financial award, the decision highlights the responsibilities of sureties and the obligation of security agencies to obey court orders, making it a potentially significant reference in future fundamental rights litigation.
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
One of life’s most misunderstood concepts is the relationship between process and failure. When some people fail, they think they have done something wrong, but it could be that the person is experiencing the process, or their season has not yet come.
To understand this concept, let’s explain the two terms. A process is a series of structured actions, steps, or decisions taken in a specific order to transform input into a desired output or goal. Here are the key elements of a process
- Inputs: The raw materials, data, or starting requirements (such as ingredients, customer requests, or raw code).
- Activities/Steps: The specific tasks or decisions performed by people, tools, or machines.
- Trigger: An event or demand that kicks off the process (like submitting an order or launching an app).
- Output: The result, product, or delivered service.
- Owner: The person or role accountable for the outcome.
Failure, on the other hand, is the state or condition of not meeting a desirable, required, or intended objective. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, failure can result from any of the following:
- Omission or Neglect: Failing to perform an action that was promised, owed, or expected (such as a failure to pay on time or submit a report).
- System or Organ Malfunction: A situation where a machine, computer, engine, or bodily organ stops working properly (such as engine failure or kidney failure).
- Insolvency: A financial state of bankruptcy, such as the failure of a business or bank.
Having stated the above terms, one can decipher that process is a necessary tool for success. When a process is lacking, failure is inevitable.
I recently listened to a sermon by a Nigerian Pastor. According to the pastor, there’s something that looks like failure, but in a real sense, it is not failure; it is process. Sometimes in life, when we fail in business, examinations, careers, marriage, or even when our health fails us, the reason why they all happen is that we have failed to do the needful, or we need to go through a process.
Let me explain. Let’s say one has a business; if one has not taken the time to learn the trade very well, the person might fail for not learning a necessary skill required for the business, acquiring formal or informal education, or having a form of apprenticeship from a mentor, which might be all that’s necessary for the entrepreneur to succeed. This is what is called a process.
Also, a student will need to read, research, and do assignments to pass an examination. An employee will have to learn a job as an entry-level employee and work his way through to become the Chief Executive Officer. All this involves a process.
Marriage is not an exception. There’s no successful marriage without a form of mentoring or training. A man/woman must undergo a process of marriage counseling to learn about how to win in marriage. In this training, they will learn about communication in marriage, money in marriage, sex in marriage, money in marriage, and personalities in marriage
I strongly believe that there’s time for everything. There is an appointed time for everything. When something is not in its season, don’t expect to deliver. When one puts pressure, it’s bound to fail.
I can vividly remember what my most revered mentor, Dr. Yomi Garnett, counseled me on the importance of patience. A little background about the case: at that time, I had no job. I was working as a security officer. I tried to use my connections to secure a decent job, but it was very challenging. I reached out to Dr. Yomi, whom I call the sage because of his scintillating and rational wisdom. After ranting to him about my litany of problems, he said to me, “Henry, if you like, meet President Obama, Trump, etc.; if God is not ready to give you a job, you won’t get a job”. He went further to say, you can’t rush God. When the time is ready, God will align everything for you.
According to my mentors, there’s something God and the universe want me to learn. I must go through some process of refining for the task ahead. These refining processes might be preparing for the greater task by learning what needs to be learned, or it could be a case of God teaching me wisdom or something of value that will be useful to me in the near future which I may not be able to see now.
When I look back in retrospect, I can authoritatively say my mentor was right.
Sometimes in life, we prepare for the opportunities, while sometimes, we don’t prepare. We just learn on the job. But I honestly think it’s good to prepare before one embarks on any journey. That preparation is called a process.
To understand how the process works, do you know that if you plant corn in the season that is not the rainy season, you will believe it’s a bad seed, but no, that’s not the case because you planted the corn in the wrong season. Even the bible says there’s a time for everything.
Also, someone might finish university and become frustrated because he doesn’t have a job. What the person might not know is that their season is yet to manifest. It could also be that the student might need refinement, which comes with the process.
It’s instructive to note that when your season comes, nothing can stop it; there will be alignment, and the universe will work for you. What you did many years ago that failed to attract attention will begin to attract attention and draw you in.
Today, I pray, may you command attention in your season, not after your season.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny- Actualizing Your Birthright to Success, Unleash Your Destiny and The Six Pillars of Success . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Accomplished media entrepreneur and chieftain of the African Democratic Congress (ADC), Chief Dele Momodu, has said that nobody trusts President Bola Tinubu to conduct a free and fair election, including the President’s own supporters.
Momodu also noted that there is a belief that if the President does not win in 2027, he will not want to relinquish power.
He added that if Tinubu refuses to step down, he would be chased out of the Presidential Villa.
Momodu made the revelations while speaking on Arise News Prime Time belt.
“If you ask an average Nigerian today about Tinubu, ‘Do you trust Tinubu to conduct a free and fair election?’ I can tell you, 90 per cent of them will say no.
“Look, nobody trusts Tinubu to run a free and fair election, including his own supporters. They will tell you, ‘Oh, we are going to win. There is no way we won’t win.’ Ask them why, and they will say, ‘Oh, you know our oga now.’
“In fact, some people are even suggesting that if Tinubu loses the election, he will not agree to step down. I say, why won’t he agree? We will chase him away.
“Look, you do not know the determination of Nigerians. And now, I’m not resting my confidence on just my party. I’m talking about the ordinary man on the street who cannot imagine Tinubu coming back again. They just can’t.
“I can’t tell you our strategy in public. What we know is that, once upon a time, Tinubu fought for himself to secure a second term as governor of Lagos State.
“So, others are also working very hard behind the scenes. We are not going to come out in public and say this, but we know what to do to make sure that he does not get that second term. We also know that some of the people pretending to support him today—and I’m not trying to trivialise this thing.
“I know some of them. They are praying fervently that they will not have to go through this situation where governors become like houseboys. Governors are scared. Judges are scared. Legislators are scared.
“So, Tinubu has become a god whom nobody is ready to confront and say, ‘Oga, you’ve done your best. Please, go home.’”
