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Food for Living: Managing Emotions with Meditations and Reflections

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By Henry Ukazu

Dear destiny Friends,

The constant truth remains that every living being feels things differently, and at the same time, reacts differently to situations.

Much as everyone faces challenges in the journey of time, the individual reaction to each of the challenges ultimately determines the difference. Whether it is failure in relationship, business, health, personal or even professional life, it’s important to note that no one is alone; everyone has a fair share of the challenges of life, but the ultimate difference is how one manages the situation. These challenges can lead to high profile emotions.

In the course of this analysis, however, two powerful forces in the management of emotions or the vicissitudes of life, which are meditation and reflection, will be highlighted.

Emotions are powerful because they can push you to greatness and can also make you make the greatest loss of your life. Let’s think about it for a minute, how many times have people said something they later regretted? How many emotions have been broken because of uncontrolled emotions? How many opportunities have been lost because someone reacted impulsively instead of thinking things through? It should be noted, if you cannot control your emotions, they will control you and when they control you, they will make you weak and easily manipulated.

As we experience life in different dimensions, waves will come, some will be storms, while some will be current. One of the greatest skills one can have is staying calm in the midst of pressure, stressful situations or in the face of adversity, and this is because one is able to train their mind.

Managing emotions is not as easy as it appears. Imagine loving someone and you get hurt by the person. Trust me, it will surely hit you hard, the only time one might not feel so bad is when they don’t really like the person. Managing emotions is like managing human relationships. It’s a skill that needs to be cultivated. The ability to manage people is an uncommon skill. Before you can manage people, one should be able to manage themself. This is because human beings are the most difficult set of people to manage.

One of the most treasured skills any human being can have is building sustainable relationships. Building a solid relationship is like building a house on a solid foundation. One don’t need to be afraid if the house will collapse because the foundation is very strong. In the same way, when friendship has been truly tested and loyalty established, one don’t need to fear if betrayal will set in and if it does, one has to endeavor to manage it well because life happens sometimes.

Training your mind to stay in every situation is like training the muscle, at first it’s difficult because you feel like reacting immediately, but the ability to stay calm can be a game change which will pay off much more.  Imagine being at the gym, you won’t get muscle but overtime you will get muscle when you constantly lift weight. That’s how one trains the mind, overtime, one will grow in maturity.

This process requires patience and consistency. Some days you will succeed, some days, you will fall back to old habits. The key is to keep going. Every time you stay calm instead of reacting, you strengthen your mental discipline, every time you take a deep breath without speaking, you build emotional intelligence, everytime you let go of something that is not worth your peace, you take back your emotional power.

Make a firm commitment to train your mind, the next time you feel frustrated. If people provoke you to breathe, if life throws a challenge at you, step back before reacting. A person who has mastered his emotions has mastered life.

How to manage your emotion

Awareness: Aware is a great way to manage emotions. There are several ways to observe how you feel when somebody says something negative to you. You respond with intelligence. Self and social awareness is a critical tool for emotional intelligence.

Detach from need to always react

When an irrational act comes across your way, you don’t have to respond immediately. Most times we are quick to respond. Maturity teaches one not to respond to everything, learn to be selective on what you react to, and you do this by selecting your battles. This act helps to conserve your power. Sometimes, we allow   small disagreements to affect our mindset. Moral: know what worth your time.

It’s instructive to note that you can’t control everything, but you can control yourself. Life happens, so don’t try to control what is out of your hands, that’s basically a waste of energy. The words you tell yourself shape your emotions and your emotions shape your actions. When you take control of your thoughts and actions, you take control of your life.

To manage emotions, we have to stop listening to our emotions and instead make our feelings listen to us because our emotions can be a trap for us. Whether as a man or lady, when you allow your emotions to control, you will become a slave to the person. It’s just like money, most people are slaves to money because they allow money to control them instead of controlling money.

As a man, when you allow anger to take a hold of you, it will cloud your sense of reasoning, and when that happens, one will understand that actions have consequences. In the same way, some ladies are loyal and slave to their feelings. They allow temporary pain to have permanent stain and pain to their life. If only they had applied a little bit of caution and discernment, they would have gotten a different result.

When it comes to managing your emotions, what you focus on, grows. It’s advisable to choose peace over chaos. The calmer you are, the stronger you become. When you feel stress, anger and frustration, your mind will amplify it, but when you focus on solutions, you develop inner strength.

Do you know that in managing your emotions, you can feel angry and act calm. This is the highest of an emotional intelligence a balanced leader can exhibit.

It is instructive to note that we don’t belong to our feelings. Our feelings belong to us. We control how we want to feel, but most times as humans we don’t know the power we have. The feeling of sadness and joy is entirely up to us.  We allow circumstances to dictate how we feel, what we fail to understand is that circumstances don’t say who we are, they reveal who we are. For instance, one might have little or no cash, imagine receiving a huge credit alert, it will change one’s attitude. That’s how we allow our emotions to control us.

Let’s switch the scenario to a case where a man has no cash to solve his problems, and some tries to offer him cash through fraudulent means, if he rejects the money, that tells you he’s in charge of his emotions and feelings.

Let’s see another situation where a man trying to talk to a lady, the man might have the resources and appurtenance that comes with wooing a lady, and the lady refuses on the ground that he does not appeal to her. Ordinarily, most ladies will give him to the man’s requests, but for this lady, there are qualities that appeal to her more. That means she manages she’s not a slave to her feelings and emotions.

In conclusion, when you wake up every day, you have the right to tell yourself how you feel or let your feelings control you. You can either feel depressed or speak to the depression and order it to transform into an expression of joy. Trust me when you, it will obey you. Don’t be mastered by your emotions. Instead, master them, and you will matter in life.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Tinubu Extends Europe Vacation, Due Back at Weekend

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President Bola Tinubu has extended his “working vacation” in Europe by a few days and is expected to return to Nigeria at the weekend, the Presidency said on Monday.

The announcement came as Vice President Kashim Shettima represents the President at the 81st United Nations General Assembly in New York, where he is scheduled to deliver Nigeria’s national statement.

Tinubu departed Nigeria on August 30 to begin his working vacation in London. After spending one week in the United Kingdom, he proceeded to Paris, France, where he held meetings with French President Emmanuel Macron and businessman Vincent Bolloré.

Bolloré’s media interests include Canal+, MultiChoice and Universal Music Group.

A statement signed on Monday by Bayo Onanuga, Special Adviser to the President on Information and Strategy, said Tinubu has remains in touch with developments at home and continued to direct the affairs of government despite being away from Nigeria.

One of the major decisions taken by the President during the period was his directive for an independent investigation into the deaths of 37 suspected illegal miners in Minna following their detention by the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps.

The deaths had raised concerns over the circumstances surrounding the detention and treatment of the miners, prompting the President to order an independent probe.

Tinubu’s decision to extend his stay abroad means he will not personally attend the opening of the high-level segment of the UN General Assembly in New York. Shettima, who departed Abuja on September 20, is representing the President at the global gathering and will present Nigeria’s national statement.

The Presidency said the Vice President’s representation was part of the arrangements for Tinubu’s absence from the country.

With Shettima now in New York, the Secretary to the Government of the Federation, Senator George Akume, will continue to represent the President at some official functions.

The Presidency said Tinubu had also delegated the Vice President to represent him at official functions while he was away, while Akume had similarly stepped in at other engagements.

The President’s extended stay in Europe also comes amid increased political activities at home ahead of the 2027 general elections.

According to the Presidency, the Director-General of the Presidential Campaign Council, Senator Abubakar Yari, has been leading notable leaders of the ruling party in consultations with prominent traditional rulers across the country.

The consultations form part of ongoing political engagements as the administration moves towards the next electoral cycle.

The Presidency also reacted strongly to criticism over Tinubu’s decision not to attend the UN General Assembly personally.

It described as irresponsible what it called a “baseless insinuation” by former Vice President Atiku Abubakar and a United States-based lobbying firm headed by an ex-convict regarding the President’s non-attendance at the global gathering.

The Presidency maintained that Nigeria would be adequately represented by Shettima, who will deliver the country’s national statement.

Tinubu’s latest trip began as an official working vacation, during which the President combined his leave with selected diplomatic, business and governmental engagements.

His meeting with Macron in Paris provided an opportunity for discussions on bilateral relations, while his engagement with Bolloré focused on business and investment interests involving Nigeria.

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Let Nigerians Breathe, Reduce Fuel Price, Atiku Tells Tinubu

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Former Vice President Atiku Abubakar has urged President Bola Tinubu to take immediate steps to reduce the cost of petrol, saying Nigerians are struggling with the combined impact of high energy, transportation and food prices.

Atiku made the call on Friday in Abuja during a press briefing on fuel prices, palliatives and the rising cost of living. His comments came amid renewed concerns over the effect of higher petrol prices on households and businesses.

The African Democratic Congress (ADC) presidential candidate said the removal of petrol subsidy in May 2023 placed additional pressure on families, workers, farmers and businesses.

He said the effect of higher petrol prices was not limited to motorists, as increased transportation and logistics costs had also pushed up the prices of food and other essential goods.

“When government makes energy expensive, it makes life expensive,” Atiku said.

The former vice president recalled that he had previously called for government intervention to reduce petrol prices, but said Tinubu had dismissed the proposal as showing “serious ignorance” of governance and the economy.

Atiku questioned whether the Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC), petroleum marketers, manufacturers and ordinary Nigerians who had raised concerns about rising costs could all be described as ignorant.

“When workers, producers, marketers and ordinary families are all raising the alarm, government must listen,” he said.

He said the government should be prepared to review its policies when their consequences become difficult for citizens to bear, adding that rising production costs were putting further pressure on manufacturers while families were finding it harder to afford basic goods.

Atiku also argued that government revenue and GDP figures did not necessarily reflect the economic reality facing ordinary Nigerians.

“If government receives more Naira while the citizen’s naira buys less food, less fuel, less electricity and less transportation, then bigger government revenues mean little to the family struggling to survive,” he said.

The ADC candidate urged Tinubu to use the remaining eight months of his first term to reduce the burden on Nigerians and consider any measure capable of lowering petrol prices, even if the proposal came from a political opponent.

“What matters to me is that Nigerians pay less,” Atiku said. “A sensible idea does not become a bad idea because it came from your opponent.”

He also offered to make his policy framework available to the Tinubu administration, saying Nigerians should not have to wait for a new government before benefiting from policies that could provide relief.

“If you need the framework, I will provide it. Implement it under your government. Give it whatever name you choose. Take the credit,” he said.

“I ask for only one thing: Let Nigerians breathe.”

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Food for Living: Pursue Passion More Than Profit (Pt. 1)

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By Henry Ukazu

Dear Destiny Friends,

Passion and purpose are among the most debated topics in the human development space. It’s a grey area that has attracted a lot of attention. While some schools of thought believe it’s better to focus on passion, other schools of thought believe that it’s profitable for one to focus on a job that pays the bills.

According to the latter school of thought, passion doesn’t pay the bills. Well, depending on the schools of thought one subscribes to, I personally believe it pays more for one to pursue passion than profit, and I will explain in a minute.

I strongly believe passion is stronger than power because when one loves what one is doing, there’s an inherent strength that comes with it, but if one doesn’t like what they are doing, they’ll lack the moral strength to forge on.

Let me share a practical example with you. My late dad encouraged me to study Taxation Law at New York Law School, a major I didn’t like. He had the mindset that money rules the world, which I tend to believe because when money talks, the world “generally” seems to move around. That mindset and principle is relatable; however, it’s not applicable in other cases because there are some people or situations where money doesn’t move around.

My late dad believed it makes no sense for me to read a major and remain unemployable or poor. So, when I arrived in the United States, the economy was experiencing a recession, and there were no jobs at the time. So, while I was passionate about studying International Relations, Energy Law, or Communications Law, my late dad sat me down and said, based on the information he was receiving from his friends, these are great courses, but when I graduate, it will be hard to find a job because most people in those firms are laying off employees.

According to my late dad, his friends suggested that since I have a legal background, tax law is the only major I can study and be guaranteed a job because people and corporations will always file their tax returns. I initially objected to this advice because my brain is not wired for numbers. I really struggled to accept this advice because I hated numbers with passion.

My late dad would later tell me, you know we are from a humble background, and so we need money.  My late dad would always say, “You wouldn’t want to study international law or communication, and the only thing you can do very well is speak English while remaining poor. One fact about my late dad was that he liked money to a stupor. According to him, after God, the most important thing in the world is money.

After much hesitation, I decided to study the major to make my late dad happy because I saw how happy he would be when I studied tax law. If truth be told, I wasn’t happy studying the major. I really struggled with the major. I managed to get a scholarship and graduated with a decent grade, but getting a job was challenging because employers could see that I didn’t like the major each time I went for an interview.

At the end of the day, I managed to get a job as a Case Manager for a private organization and later as the Legal Coordinator for the New York City Department of Correction. An important point to note here is that, after I left the tax firm, I was intentional about applying for jobs I was passionate about. Money to me was a secondary concern because I strongly believe that when you love what you do and you are good at it, money will surely find you.

I had to share this practical experience to give an insight into the importance of focusing on passion. Don’t get me wrong, money is good, but I personally feel there are more valuable things than money, and a perfect example is marrying a kind man as opposed to marrying a man with money, or marrying a lady with good character as opposed to marrying a lady with a good physique.

It’s instructive to note that when I began to focus on what I love to do, I had to spend time on honing my skills, developing myself by attending relevant training sessions and taking courses that would distinguish me from my contemporaries. It didn’t take long for me to receive recognition for my work. I was celebrated for being a trailblazing author of three books on television; I was interviewed by The New York Times in addition to meeting resourceful global leaders. In all sincerity, I doubt if I would have received accolades assuming I focused on taxation or doing what would give me money.

The moral of this analysis is that while profit is good, passion is much better because it will give one the necessary satisfaction and fulfilment they deserve. To understand how this works, one might make good money in a job but won’t be happy, but someone else might make little money and be happy in what they are doing. If research is done on what makes one happy, most people will likely say it is their passion or what they love to do that makes them happy as opposed to the job they do. It’s only a fragment of people who will attribute their happiness to the job they do, and that’s simply because they have truly figured out who they are or are probably happy and passionate about the work they do.

Let me explain a little: your profession is what you are trained to do as a doctor, lawyer, accountant, or engineer. Your vocation is what you are trained to do as a skilled worker or one with a 9-to-5 job, but your ministry is your calling, and that’s why you find your talent or gift and passion. So, one’s passion can be found in what they love to do.

When one’s profession is aligned with one’s vocation and ministry, then success is bound to be present because passion is at play.

It’s instructive to note that most of the great people I know in the world have become famous because they were doing what they love to do. I recently attended an award ceremony where my alma mater, Baruch College, celebrated alumni who have distinguished themselves. One of the award recipients, Ms. Doris Gonzalez, stated in her speech, “Of all the jobs I have had in my life, this is my best job. I really love my job”.  I strongly believe there is a form of spiritual blessing and success that comes when one is happy doing what one is passionate about.

In conclusion, if one is desirous of succeeding in life, please endeavor to focus on your passion; if you can’t find it, explore what makes you happy. When you find what makes you happy, develop and monetize it, and in no distant time, opportunities and recognition will begin to triple in.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer, and author of Design Your Destiny- Actualizing Your Birthright to SuccessUnleash Your Destiny and The Six Pillars of Success. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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