Connect with us

News

Food for Living: Overcoming Anxiety, Fear, Stress and Anger

Published

on

Dear Destiny Friends,

As human beings, we are confronted with fear, stress, anxiety and anger in the course of our daily activities. These, if not properly handled and managed, can destroy any organization or a productive being.

Arguably, one of the most dreaded emotions human beings face is stress. Stress can be a silent killer. When the mind and body is stressed, it has a way of affecting productivity. Just like anger is one of the fastest ways of destroying someone, fear is regarded as the greatest force limiting productivity.

Anxiety is another deadly type of fear because it deals more with worry, and the future, rather than the present. Anyone suffering from anxiety is likely to have an increased heartbeat, shortness of breath, difficulty in sleeping, and will always forget and lack focus.

The origin of negative feelings is traced to failed expectations from people, and situations which sometimes do not meet our expectations. When this situation occurs, we tend to have anxiety, anger, stress or even fear of the future.

As a human capacity coach, I constantly come across youths, adults, and parents who are constantly dealing with diverse kinds of pains, stress, anger, and anxiety in their lives. Any productive mind who wants to grow will have to eschew fear, anxiety, anger, and stress. This might be hard, but trust me, it is doable if you are able to train your mind and work with the right people. However, if you have fallen short of any, it’s okay to have regrets because we are all humans.

Anxiety normally creeps in due to expectations of the future, but it can be managed by a combination of medication and cognitive psychotherapy. However, neither lasts forever. A therapist can be used to manage these symptoms.

Happiness is the resultant feeling we have when we are at peace with ourselves and humanity. However, constant negative emotions can also get in the way of happiness, and it has the capacity to compound our level of stress and worry and ultimately damage our health. While there is no magic wand to change negative emotions to positive ones, there are ways to lessen the intensity of the emotion and shorten its duration. With practice, you can learn to disrupt and tame negative emotions.

What Caused This Feeling?

The first step in healing is asking the wh questions? Why did it happen? What caused it? When you understand the cause of a problem, you will be better poised to solve it. You will better understand and interpret memories, judgments, beliefs, values, expectations, and observations. When you understand these thoughts, the next big task is asking yourself if these thoughts will help you to solve any of your problems. You can ask yourself, does this feeling warrant me to be angry or fearful? Who can help me overcome this challenge/problem? How can I fix the problem or focus on the present as opposed to what I can’t change?

Physical exercise

Anxiety and anger can be reduced when you exercise. Exercise has a way of reducing worries, especially when you have music in the background. On a personal note, whenever I am exercising, I usually have music in the background because it has a way of making me feel present. The same is applicable whenever I’m stressed, I usually play music or sleep.

Take a Walk

 Whenever you feel stressed, depressed, pained, or uncomfortable with the way life is treating you, try taking a walk and enjoy the beauty of life. You can decide to go to the beach, walk around the garden, or even take a random walk across the town. It’s normal to always see our deficiencies which blinds us to the beauty of life. When you take a walk, you see people of all kinds, some will be begging on the streets, some might be walking, others might be in a bus. If you can think out of the box, you will discover, you are far better than some of them with what you have.

You can also decide to visualize a happy place. For instance, imagine being in a resort, imagine how life will be when you overcome the stress, pain, anger, or even the tension with the thoughts. This feeling can make it more humane to control your human reaction.

Don’t Beat Yourself

One of the worst things that can happen to you as a human being is trying to be hard on yourself. As a human being, you can’t hide from your shadows. Your shadow is like your thoughts. You can’t hide from your thoughts.  It’s like closing your eyes to the sky. You can reduce looking at the sky by using a goggle. So whenever you have negative emotions, acknowledge them instead of trying to shut them down, and see how you can work on them.

Face Your Fear

The fastest way to kill your fear is by facing them. If you don’t confront your fears, it has a way of robbing you and reminding you of how doomed you are. Facing your fears simply means doing what you dreads. For instance, the best way to become a good writer is by writing as opposed to procrastinating. When you start to write, you will kill the spirit of fear associated with writing. You will be happy you took the bold step. When I began writing many years ago, it felt like writing was stressful, but over time, I became addicted to writing and it’s now fun to me.

Another great way of dealing with fear is by imagining the worst that will happen if you face your fear. Do you know that whether you face your fears or not, the worst will still happen? How about you face it, you never can tell if you will overcome it. You can overcome fear by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness allows you to become more aware of your fear because it creates awareness that helps you overcome your fear and anxiety.

Share Your Pain

Many people don’t understand the importance of sharing. Do you know that problem shared is a problem solved? When you have pain or feel stressed, please endeavor to speak out. I understand, each one of us is dealing with one pain, but then, there’s no harm in sharing. Keeping it to yourself might not solve the problem. The only concern you should have is the person you will share the pain with. Even if it means sharing it with a professional or trusted person, please do. You can talk to a family member, friend, a trusted clergyman, your doctor or a therapist. Depression is real, anger is real, pain is real, but they can be managed.

Rejoice/Reward Yourself

Celebrating yourself is the best thing that can happen to you. Take time to give yourself a little treat. Most times we are always looking for people to celebrate us. If nobody gives you a platform, create one for yourself. Try and reward yourself with any little success you have recorded. It has a way of boosting your ego and human capacity nature.

Eliminate Triggers

Figure out what are the biggest cause of negative emotions in your life. Is it your job, your schoolwork, your colleague? If you’re able to identify what they are, see if you are able to eliminate them from your life, or at least reduce them.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a  public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Continue Reading
Advertisement

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

News

Voice of Emancipation: Lessons from Nehemiah (Pt. 2)

Published

on

By Kayode Emola

Special Credit: Dr. Bethan Emola

It is exactly one year today since “Voice of Emancipation” began publication, and I would be remiss were I not to thank all those who have made this project the huge success that it has become. I want to especially thank Bob Dee for giving me this platform, where I can share with readers of the Boss Newspapers what enormous benefits an independent Yoruba nation can offer.

I also want to thank the Boss Newspaper’s editor, Eric Elezuo, for helping to develop the concept and the idea in the early stage. And I must not forget my beloved wife, Dr. Bethan Emola, who has helped proof-read and edit every single write-up since the column’s inception. Most importantly, I want to thank you, our readers, for your immense support, your positive feedback and constructive criticism when necessary, which have shaped “Voice of Emancipation” into what it is today.

Following the last two weeks’ break, I am returning to what lessons we can learn from the Biblical story of Nehemiah. Whether you believe this to be an accurate historical account or not, whether you are religious or not, I believe there is useful information from which we may extrapolate and apply to our own struggle for an independent Yoruba nation.

To recap for those who may have missed the first part (and if you want to go back and catch up, you can find the article here: https://thebossnewspapers.com/2022/04/22/voice-of-emancipation-lessons-from-nehemiah-part-i/) and are unfamiliar with the events recounted, Nehemiah was a prophet of Israel during the time of their exile under the Persian Empire. He ultimately returned to Jerusalem and organised the rebuilding of the walls, at the same time as his contemporary, Ezra, was rebuilding the Temple.

I believe that the account of Nehemiah has relevance to the Yoruba struggle today, as there are similarities between his situation and our own. He was in a land that was not his own country, under oppression from an external state, and he was seeking to bring his people back to their own sovereign nation. This has parallels with our position as a nation of people within a larger state, where we did not choose to be, where we do not want to be, where we are oppressed, and from where we are seeking to leave and return to self-governance.

Previously, we looked at Nehemiah’s concern for his people, his humility, prudence and diplomatic approach. Today we will continue, looking at his preparatory techniques.

As we covered in Part I, Nehemiah was not the sort of person who acted before thinking. Rather, he took time to consider and prepare before he even took the first step. He spoke to King Artaxerxes – the ruler of the Persian Empire – and asked him to write letters of safe passage for his journey, and for resources.

As we proceed on our journey towards self-determination, there will be people for whom the idea of an independent Yoruba nation is deeply concerning. These people have a vested interest in Nigeria continuing in the current arrangement, who stand to lose out if Yoruba secede. They are likely to try and hamper any progress, even going as far as to use military force to preserve the status quo. How are we, as a nation, preparing for this? We must anticipate who is likely to oppose us and by what means they may do so.

Then we must identify our allies. Who are the individuals sympathetic to our cause – among our peers, among the leaders, local and national, within Nigeria; among those in positions of influence in other countries? Which countries are likely to support us, at a diplomatic level such as the United Nations, or at a military level, should it come to it? Which countries are likely to bring us opposition? Which countries are currently ambivalent, and how can we sway them toward supporting us?

Many, indeed most if not all, countries seek their own self-interests above all else, even if few state it as explicitly as the previous President of the United States, Donald Trump, did with his “America First” campaign. The Russian invasion of Ukraine has become a stark demonstration of this, with NATO’s refusal to intervene to assist Ukraine, in a bid to avoid Russia declaring war against the NATO alliance. They are, to a greater or lesser extent, leaving Ukraine to fend for themselves in order to prevent Russia turning their attack to them.

So it will not be enough to appeal to a government’s sense of altruism or justice to encourage their support for our cause. If we seek to garner support from presently ambivalent countries, we need to present to them a case for why it will be beneficial for them to ally with us; or, at the very least, why it would be detrimental for them not to assist us. This is not to say that we should be threatening action or sanctions against those countries who are unwilling to assist; rather a simple and unprejudiced statement of fact of what the global consequences will be if the Fulani are permitted to continue as they are unchecked. Every Yoruba person who lives in a local authority can do this. Write to your local governor, senator, congressperson or member of parliament explaining the situation, why it is unsustainable and what destination the current trajectory is leading us to.

Nehemiah’s preparations did not end once his journey began. He continued to assess each situation that he encountered and to put in place contingencies for every step he took. Once he arrived in Jerusalem, he took three days to analyse the damage that the walls had sustained before he even raised the issue with the officials or nobles. He made sure that he had all the information before instigating action among others.

Not only this, but when he met with the officials, he didn’t just describe the problem in clear detail. He also presented solutions. The creation of a new sovereign state requires consideration of a myriad of sectors and infrastructures. Who will govern and how? On what principles will the new nation be founded? How will new laws be reviewed and enacted? How will national income be generated? How will the economy function – what currency will be used, will there be hard currency, how will any new currencies equate to those in current circulation? How will the banking systems run? How will the nation defend itself should we come under attack? Education, health, transport, housing, social care, manufacturing, communication networks, food, agriculture, administration of justice, granting of citizenship, production of energy, international relations and trade negotiations – these all require planning down to the minute detail before any attempt to break away is initiated.

This is not a project where an ad hoc approach will suffice, where one can improvise as you go along. This is a serious undertaking where the end must be known from the beginning, and every stage in between. Not that the plans must be fixed, rigid, and unchanging even if circumstances require an alternative approach; but one where every contingency is considered and planned for, and then adapted as the situation necessitates.

I would urge every Yoruba person to fully consider the questions posed above. Yoruba nation, in contrast to present-day Nigeria, is to be a country that honours and nurtures every one of its citizens, not just the privileged few. As such, every Yoruba individual should have the right to have their say in its formation. It is only by voicing one’s needs that they can be integrated into arrangements; and it is only by carefully considering the situation that one can determine what one’s needs are and how they could be met. This is not the time to sit back and be passive, leaving the responsibility of generating solutions to someone else. This is the time to stand up, speak out, and to make sure that your voice is heard.

Continue Reading

News

Food for Living: Handle Your Success with Care

Published

on

By Henry Ukazu

Dear Destiny Friends,

Whenever you take delivery of very important and fragile packages, you are bound to see, boldly written at a corner, ‘handle with care’, In the same vein, once you have taken delivery of success in whatever form, there is a sign at a corner of your mind, saying handle with care. Success is very important, and at the same time fragile, and consequently, must be handled with care for preservation.

There is nothing that brings joy to the heart the way success does, and that is why it is imperative we handle each great stride accomplished with great care. According to some schools of thought, success is a journey and not a destination. No one can say they have attained a particular stage of success, and therefore, has nothing worth striving for any more. Even if you have a trillion dollars, there is always a tendency to explore more options to make it double. That’s human nature. Man is insatiable in nature. Even if you feel you have reached the peak of your career or have achieved a feat either in your business, academic or professional life, trust me, as a rational being, you will still have the urge to set another record, except of course, one wishes to remain in his comfort zone.

Success is fragile in nature; you must handle it with delicate care. Never think you have arrived because you have fortune or power, always know that money and power are visitors, and you may not have them forever. The best you can do is to manage them very well when they are with you.

Do you know that just like how you take care of yourself, you also need to take care of your success? You can do this by forgiving yourself if you have ever made a mistake. Don’t be hard on yourself. Each of us has made one mistake or another. Learn to see the positivity and inherent lessons from whatever mistake you may have made in the past. Do you know that just like your mess can turn to a message, your pain can also turn to gain and people will pay you for it because of your experience?

Another way to handle your success is to appreciate anyone who may have helped you in one way or the other. Showing gratitude is priceless. Your appreciation might not only be in monetary terms, but it can also be in the form of a gift or words of appreciation. Most times, uninformed minds think when they achieve success, they don’t need anyone to advise them. They fail to understand that human relationships are priceless.

The interesting thing about success is that it elevates you to another stage or standard in life. Success can influence how people relate with you. That’s why it’s always important to be humble with your achievements by remembering where you are coming from. Success should indeed, humble you as opposed to bloating your ego. Success can come to you in terms of power, authority, cash, academic qualification, or business..

It’s instructive to note that success is truly fragile, and it must be handled with delicate care. As a progressive being, you are expected to manage your success and not your success managing you. To understand how delicate success is, imagine buying a crate of egg, how will you carry the egg? I believe you will handle it with care.

Again, imagine having a tissue in your hand, if you pour water on it, will it be useful again? I guess no; you see the reason you need to handle success with care.

Success is like building a home, a contractor knows fully well that the foundation of a house is the most important part of a building and as such he/she must exhibit the highest level of professionalism if the house is to stand the test of time.

Success is also like a man trying to woo a lady for relationship/marriage purposes. During the process, he will do all that is necessary to make the woman like him. And when he finally gets her, he is expected to continue the act by investing in the relationship; watering and spicing it, as opposed to withdrawing believing he has already achieved. If he does that, the lady might begin to question his initial motive. Moral: See success like a plant which you must continually water, otherwise it will die.

The big question we must ask ourselves is how do we handle success? Managing success is like managing a treasure. Imagine having global leaders listening to you, you may be tempted to boast, and if the emotion is not properly managed, it can lead to disaster.

The journey to authentic success is a process. You are advised to spend at least one or two hours each day on a craft or business you have deep interest in to master it. When you finally succeed, it will be foolhardy to toy with the success.

A major factor which affects success is not believing in their vision. They just engage in any business because they feel they can make quick money. Let me tell you, nobody will believe in your work if you don’t believe in yourself. Investors must see the passion and energy you radiate in your business before they can invest in your business. When you believe in your craft, you can attract other people to believe in it.

In conclusion, as you strive to make global impact with your craft, don’t forget to take care of yourself while taking care of your business and success.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Continue Reading

News

Opinion: The Travails of Leadership

Published

on

By Tolulope A. Adegoke Ph.D.

“The ultimate assignment of leadership is not to raise followers, but better leaders through greater impacts by living a life of great examples and never to forget to help them with emotional intelligence which is a key factor for leadership inputs and outputs.”

Character is developed by ‘trials’. Testing is the development of ETHICS. Character is built or developed through pressure, temptation (trials) and resolve. The credibility of leadership is character! The force of leadership is character! The trust of leadership is character! The legitimacy of leadership is character! The integrity of leadership is character! The reason why people still celebrate Nelson Mandela, Koffi Annan among others is because he was tested and trusted. The reason why Nelson Mandela had so much credibility all over the world is because, while he was alive he went through a test of 25years in prison, because of a conviction he had, he was just like a ‘statue’ with this notion:

I cannot bend; I am going to jail just like this;

I believe in what I see, I believe in a dream,

I believe in my convictions, because they are right,

I will not compromise; I will not change!

Nelson Mandela stayed faithful, he went through the test and trials, and people trusted him. In prison, he was the same, he was severely tortured, he was the same, when he had to cut the rocks with chisel, he was the same, and when he came out of prison he was still the same, and was eventually made the President of South Africa just because he was the same. People could trust him.

Even the late Dr. Myles Monroe once said: ‘People often look at me as if I was born the way I look, but I have been through a lot of things, pressures, scars on my back, tribulations, criticisms, attacks, but I decided, I believe what I believe! I stay steady! The world reads my books, I have been invited to over a hundred and fifty-two nations across the world and they wondered: who is this young man, but I have developed my character through tough times.’

Anybody could begin something, a few people finish! How many things have you begun? how many things have you started managing? how many of it have you finished? Where is your character? Are you steady under pressure? Can you be faithful under being disappointed? Can you still believe when no one is with you? When you have character, you are ready to go alone! Everybody is evil, not me! Everybody is corrupt, not me! Everybody is failing, not me!

You have to work by yourself to develop character! Your innate gifts are at the mercy of your character! Your character is more important than your gifts, because without character, you can lose your gifts. That is why God gave Man CHARACTER (His IMAGE) before He gave him DOMINION (Control). Most people lose their provisions because they lost their character! That is why it is important for you to protect yourself by your character (IMAGE), and that is why character (IMAGE) is God’s utmost priority! Character is necessary for DOMINION (Control); it guarantees a tamed- freedom.

Character breeds decent followers; it builds them into enviable leaders that can ‘MANage’ the natural resources as given them by God, and then, put them into appropriate and decent usage for the good of all mankind. Leadership is simply service to humanity, it is not selfishness, not greed, not abusive…Only character determines and promotes service. Service is followership, help; it is the authentic exhibition of our innate being. Character builds a nation; it builds kingdoms, Empires, family and the world at large. Character tames freedom so as not to abuse absolute power; it promotes sustainable peace and global development that guarantees the handing over of a better world to coming generation. It is a baton which must be passed on and on forever. Life is a mysterious gift given to man by God Almighty embedded with so many hidden treasures… its usage is up to man, but only the deeds of men pollutes it!

Character therefore, should not be mistaken for REPUTATION. Reputation has become much more important in the world today than character, and that is a tragedy, because, position has become more important than disposition. As a matter of fact, we need leaders with character, not leaders with personality! Some people have well packaged personality but lack character, yet they are the most celebrated in our world today. Many people are well branded as dignified figures vying for leadership positions, unfortunately, ignorant people rush up to them, vote them in, then the economy and political structure of their countries crashes! Instead of voting the man with CHARACTER (i.e the right IMAGE), which compliments leadership to the position of reliable leadership.

Nigeria and other developing nations must first of all confront their domestic problems by consolidating their democracy. Democracy is not just the question of holding periodic elections, Important as this is, it means developing a democratic culture underpinned by the rule of law. We must build an egalitarian society with careers opened to talents. It should be possible for any (Nigerian) talent(s) to rise to any position that these talents entitle him or her. We must face the question of the economy squarely.

Sixty-one years after independence, we still operate a dependent economy based on export of raw materials and industries of import substitution. We must reverse the process by building industries, particularly agro-based industries in which we have comparative advantage. Nigeria can support huge textile and garment industries based on local production of cotton. This is also an industry which the current regime of the World Trade Organization favours for developing countries. The so-called Tiger economies of South East Asia, China and India virtually dominate the textile and garments industry of the world. We ought to be able to compete with Israel and the United States in providing the world with properly packaged tropical fruits. We should cut our tastes for unnecessary luxury goods and use what we can produce. We need to open our market to investments from the outside world. One hopes present policies in this regards would be determinedly pursued.

The economy is a major factor to earning respect in the international system and we must do everything to develop our economy. There is no strategy of economic development better than those that have been tried and that have worked in the Western liberal democracies. Any attempt to graft economic development on an authoritarian regime will fail.

Character is key factor! We need to take a look at the example of Botswana (few years ago), when, where honest and liberal government and proper management of national resources and patrimony have led to development. Character sees people as greatest ASSETS and not properties. Value your fellow man greatly, they are the only tool that can stand by your side anytime any day, they shall be the one to continue your leadership processes in the future for the benefits of all as a result of your tremendous impacts on them.

The ultimate assignment of leadership is not to raise followers, but better leaders through greater impacts by living a life of great examples and never to forget to help them with emotional intelligence which is key factor for leadership inputs and outputs.

Continue Reading