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Food for Living: The Value of a True Friend
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer – Jean De La Fontane.
One of the best things that can happen to someone is to have a good friend. The value of a true friend is priceless. It cuts across all sectors of life. Whether you are a student, entrepreneur, married, politician, clergy etc, you need honest, loyal, and trustworthy friends as you journey through life.
The hallmark of friendship is loyalty, and one’s loyalty to another will always be tested. That is why it’s highly advisable to marry your friend with whom you can be vulnerable. It is noteworthy that vulnerability is one of the strongest tests of marriage, because one must trust the person he is vulnerable to when he lets his guards down.
We all want great friends, but most times, we don’t act like one. The best way to get a great friend is to be one, but unfortunately, some people don’t understand what the word friend really means. They just used it freely. In reality, your best friend is someone who brings out the best in you.
Good friends are medicinal. They help to increase one’s life span. They are very therapeutic. They help our mental health. They help to increase our happiness. It has been determined that people who value both their family and friendship enjoy greater health and higher happiness.
In our contemporary society, many people lose true friends because they are dressed like work. Yes, true friendship is earned. It’s easy to make an enemy, but it’s hard to make a friend. While poverty minds think a friend is someone who gives you money, rich means think a friend is someone who corrects you, looks out for you, and gives you an opportunity. The big questions we need to ask ourselves is, what are the traits of friendship? What are the characteristics of friendship? How do you know a true friend?
You cannot overestimate the value of friendship. Here are some characteristics and points to note before you confidently say someone is your friend.
Trust & confidentiality: You need to know the people you tell your secret.
Loyalty: This is the true test and hallmark of friendship because just like your marriage will be tested, your friendship must surely be tested.
A true friend is someone who accepts you the way you are. A friend is someone who respects you, especially when you disagree with them. Mutual respect is one of the most powerful traits of a good friendship, and a lack of it raises a red flag. A true friend is kind and shares with you. He plays with you, and is on hand to protect your interest.
It’s a well-established fact that nothing good comes easy. True friends take time to grow. Just like the journey of a thousand miles begins with a step in the right direction, true friends must be tested like a marriage to stand the test of time.
According to Beth Elkassih, there are four traits to look out for in a friend as follows:
Reliability: A true friend is a dependable ally as opposed to a fair-weather friend.
Listening: A true friend must have a listening ear without being judgmental. A friend is that person who knows all about you and still loves you.
Authenticity: There’s nothing that pleases a friend more than authenticity. The reason many friendships don’t last is because “supposed friends” are not authentic. They only speak what their colleagues want to hear.
Trust-worthy: This is one of the pillars of true friendship. In my calculated opinion, it is the foundation and cornerstone of all success because you can confide in someone without being afraid of betrayal.
Friendship does not mean absence of disagreement, or that everything will be rosy, no, great friends experience challenges in their friendship to come come out great just like gold must go through fire to become gold. What’s important to note is that a true friend will be your cheerleader as opposed to being a critic. If you are not getting it right, a friend can be your third eye, and constructively criticise you with love.
To put it in perspective, fans are critics who can woo or cheer you up depending on your performance, but a coach will always cheer you up regardless of your performance. A coach sees your potential and helps you become a better version of yourself.
Just like a critic sees your weaknesses and attacks your worst self, a cheerleader sees your strengths and celebrates your best self. Would you rather be a critic or a cheerleader?
The following are some of the rewards of true friendship – It helps to kill loneliness and social isolation.
Friendship helps to reduce stress. It provides emotional support, and helps us in the race of personal development. It also gives us a sense of belonging when we know people are always there for us when we need them.
If you really want to know whether someone is a friend, just ask yourself if the person is adding value to your life and making you genuinely happy.
I will conclude with some great quotes on what a great friendship entails.
There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship -Thomas Aquinas
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success – Doug Larson
True friends are those rare people who come to find you in dark places and lead you back to the light.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Impeached Speaker of the Lagos State House of Assembly, Mudashiru Obasa, has described the corruption allegations against him as “fictitious and unsubstantiated”.
Speaking during a welcome rally at his residence in GRA, Ikeja on Saturday, Obasa maintained that he was not afraid of being impeached but emphasised that due process was not followed.
The former Speaker alleged that his removal was orchestrated while he was away, and accused the state commissioner of police of aiding the process.
He claimed security agents, led by the police commissioner, invaded the assembly complex and his homes in Agege and Ikeja, locking his family indoors with over 200 officers present.
Obasa dismissed allegations of misappropriation.
He mocked claims that a gate construction had cost N16 billion, saying, “Is it the wall of Jericho?”
He said: “I am not afraid of being removed, after all, it is not my father’s chieftaincy title. I am representing my people and they have returned me six times. If you want to do anything, do it well.
“They did the removal all because I was out of the country. Lagos is a special place, we cannot denigrate the state.
The former Speaker cited the case of the former speaker, Rt. Hon Jokotola Pelumi.
He said when Pelumi was removed, he was in the assembly and “we did not invite policemen.
“When my sister, former deputy speaker of the House, Hon. Adefunmilayo Tejuosho was removed, we did not invite the police.”
Obasa said an innocent person should not be discredited, and there must be proof of allegations showing exactly what he has done.
“The Lagos State House of Assembly is above common standard of excellence.
“I appreciate the members of the governance advisory council and Governor Babajide Olusola Aanwo-Olu of the state. He is my brother and he always calls me his younger brother.”
Obasa was impeached on January 13 by more than two-thirds of the 40-member legislative house over alleged misconduct and sundry offences.
His Deputy, Mojisola Meranda, was immediately elected the new speaker, becoming the first female to take charge of the legislative body in the State.
The Federal Airports Authority of Nigeria (FAAN) has confirmed that 38 persons, including seven crew members, were injured when a United Airlines plane made an emergency landing in Lagos on Friday morning.
The Boeing 787-8 flight with 245 passengers was en route to Washington Dulles International Airport (IAD), in the United States, from the Murtala Mohammed International Airport, Lagos, when it developed problems midair and was forced to return to the airport.
There were also 11 crew members – eight attendants and three pilots – on the plane.
The FAAN Director of Public Affairs and Consumer Protection, Obiageli Orah, who confirmed the incident through a statement, said all passengers and crew disembarked safely.
She, however, said four passengers and two crew members sustained serious injuries.
According to her, 27 passengers and five crew members had minor injuries.
The statement read: “The United Airlines Boeing 787-800 departed Murtala Muhammed International Airport (MMIA), Ikeja, at 11:59pm on Thursday, but made air return and landed safely at 3.22am on Friday.
“On board were 245 adults and 11 crew members.
“The team of Aerodrome Rescue and Fire Fighting Services, Aviation Medical, and Aviation Security were already at the gate when the aeroplane parked for deboarding at D31 without incident, and the door was opened at 3:37am.
“While all passengers and crew disembarked safely, four passengers and two crew members sustained serious injuries, and an additional 27 passengers and five crew members had minor injuries.
“The rescue team responded swiftly and effectively, having been on alert and standby.
“Aviation medical ambulances transported the injured passengers, some to the MMA Clinic and others to the headquarters clinic.”
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
There’s no doubt that human beings by nature are insatiable. When we get one opportunity, we always look for another. When we attain one height, we always look for another accomplishment. Isn’t it true that the end of one mountain is the beginning of another.
However, I don’t think it’s selfish for anyone to dare to succeed.
Being ambitious doesn’t make one an opportunist or disloyal. It all depends on one’s perception or outlook to life. It’s just natural for one to dream big. It’s only ugly when the process one chooses to achieve his desires becomes dirty and nasty.
According to a former Nigerian presidential candidate and seasoned Economist, Mr. Peter Obi, “if you must be referred to as “Your Excellency”, then the process through which you arrived in office must be excellent”.
If you desire to be reckoned with on the journey of existence, you must be legitimately hungry for success. One’s hunger for success will facilitate the drive to accomplish great tasks despite daunting obstacles posing as challenges.
When one has this mindset, one will not be bothered by the noise which serves as obstacles and challenges along the way. Negative and weak minds are always concerned on why something won’t work. They tend to focus their energy and reasons on the obstacles facing them. But great and productive minds always focus their energy on the reasons why it will work. This is the spirit of an insatiable mind who is a goal- getter.
It’s instructive to note that we can’t please everyone. According to Bill Cosby, a famous actor, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” Isn’t it true that when you talk, people will still talk about you, when you don’t talk, people will talk about you, so whether you talk or not, people will still judge you, so, do what’s best for you. There’s nothing you can do to please human beings. Your best option is to live your best life.
To understand how the insatiable nature of man works, one must be oneself. You don’t have to “please” anyone. Be yourself, and don’t try to be like anyone just to curry favour. It’s important to note that when you are yourself, the people that matter will come through for you, and the people that don’t matter will gradually find the bearing in another space because those that truly care don’t bother and those that bother don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Life has truly taught me to focus on the important things of life as opposed to the mundane things. It’s truly sad to see people spending more time on the little things of life, and spending little time on the important things of life. That’s just a misplaced priority.
When you are yourself, the best people can do is to copy or imitate your style. They can never imitate your creativity nor can take your originality from you.
We live in a world or society where people don’t generally care or show empathy. Most people tend to live around themselves, their family, and close associates. They generally find it hard to lift a finger to assist others for reasons best known to them. Rev. Fr. Ejike Mbaka once said, “we live in a wicked generation”, re-echoing the voices of a lot of people of the world. Some people in authority just have criminal expertise in amassing wealth of opportunities meant for the citizens without thinking of the citizens they are meant to serve.
It’s worthy of note that not everyone will like you nor support your work, but when you find people who truly care about you; please hold them tight. This is because despite having family members you have shown love and compassion, they might not still appreciate you even if you lay your life for them, they will still find something to say. Again, this is the insatiable nature of man.
It’s okay for everyone not to like you, normalize living your life for God, yourself, family and those that care about you. If everyone likes you, you have a problem.
Did you know that you can get a new family from friends, strangers, and acquaintances? These sets of people might appreciate you more than your own family members. They might not demand or under appreciate you like your family members and close friends or associates. Any little support you give them will be highly appreciated. Their focus is to see you do better.
In conclusion, as you desire to succeed in life, never give in to failure until you have made your last attempt, and never make your last attempt until you succeed. This literally means whatever you desire, dream it, think it, say it, and believe you can achieve it. This principle is generally applicable to relationships, businesses, family, personal and professional development.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
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