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Food for Living: Understanding a Woman
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
As a Human Capacity and Mindset Coach, one of my services is centered on counseling. I also mentor youths and career professionals on academics and relationships.
Let me make a full disclosure here, I’m not a relationship or marriage counselor, but the nature of my work makes me appear as one due to my numerous videos and engagement with people. However, it is pertinent to note that, as a self-discovery coach, I try to relate with people to understand their pains to assist them in resolving their problems. I do with my self-discovery manual.
It’s instructive to note that in school, workplaces, churches, social gatherings, and homes, we are thought different skills, ethics, life training, and teachings, but we are not thought the school of understanding life, we learn the school of life in the streets while relating with human beings.
It is often said one of the most difficult people to understand is women. In fact, some people say women are the most complicated people on planet earth. According to some scholars, there are three people who cannot advise, a rich man, a religious bigot, and a woman in love. This is because the more you try to understand them, the more you get confused. That leaves us with the question, can one understand a woman? Personally, I will say yes and no. Yes, because if she lets you understand her and even at that it is what she wants you to understand. No, because you can never understand a woman.
The truth is, however, that once you understand a few core tenets of female psychology, women become easier than ever to understand.
Understanding a human being and life is one of the hardest if not the hardest things in the world. It’s just like understanding the psychology of money and blessings. Money, blessings, and opportunities can come in “mysterious”. Some schools of thought opine blessings are spiritual because succeeding in life takes more than being hardworking. An element of God factor, luck, preparation, smartness, networking, etc. play a role. This opportunity comes in ways and manners we cannot comprehend sometimes.
Above all, it is easier to understand life and a man than to understand a woman. This is because, in social relationships, men often seem “stupid” to women, and why women seem “crazy” to men because women don’t seem to understand why a man will have a beautiful, smart, loyal, classy, and submissive girlfriend/wife and he’ll still cheat with a good for nothing lady, while men will always wonder why a lady will fall in love with a guy/man who is not handsome, or a mechanic with no formal education or even someone who is a 5feet and 2 inches tall compared to a handsome, intelligent and tall guy. One begins to wonder what the lady saw in the guy. Well, it could be how he talks, how she feels, or even just his smile. Indeed, women need to be understudied.
Generally, you cannot understand a woman because the more you look, the less you see. Women are such interesting and wonderful creatures. According to Beyoncé in one of the tracks “Run the world”, she asked who runs the world? Women of course. Underate them at your peril. Even in marriage, while men are generally the head, women are the neck.
To show how complicated women are, there was a story about a man who wants to travel to Hawaii, he asked God to build a bridge to fly through. God smiled at him and told him you know it’s not possible. God asked him to make another request, the man said, he has been four times and all the women left him and he would like to know why they left him and how to understand a woman, God smiled and asked him, how many bridges do you want? I guess you get the joke.
That said, the question needs to be asked how one understands a woman? I will be sharing some tips which are not exhaustive, but they are guidelines to understand a woman.
Just like the most powerful part of our human body is our brain because it controls all our thoughts and actions, that’s how a woman works. Imagine opening the brain, you’ll get to see how the veins and arteries are connected. That’s just to give you a glimpse of how a woman is composed. You can never understand her sensing capability, her level of intuition, her feelings, her thinking faculty, how she judges, perceives, and interprets information. Women are indeed wonderful!
However, women are the most interesting people if they show you love. For instance, if a woman decides to support you, she will go all out for you, but if they decide to fight you, please appeal to God for forgiveness and intervention because her anger can go over and beyond. Just to put things in perspective, never allow your wife to buy any property in the house before getting married, because if you do, the day she’s angry she’ll take all the properties. If you doubt, wait until you get married, and you’ll understand.
If I may ask, what do women really want? This is a question many sage, philosophers, and wise men have been battling to unravel for ages but have not been able to answer. To assist them I unravel this ancient question; I have been able to put little guidelines to understand a woman
On a cursory note, women want a man who is confident, and who embodies “alpha male energy.” Women are attracted to confidence, purpose, and direction in a man. Women will see with their eyes if you are confident, they won’t ask. The question now becomes, how does she know if that’s you? Well, she will test without you knowing. If you pass, she will reward you with all of her love. If you don’t? She will lose all attraction for you. Women love to be protected because sometimes they can be anxious and are more prone to anxiety.
Listen to her: The first step in understanding a woman is to listen to her. Paying attention to her words, actions and body language is the gateway to her heart. Take time to observe her. Whether she’s an acquaintance, a family member, or a romantic partner, if you take time to talk to a woman and really listen to what she has to say, you’ll soon have a clearer grasp of who she is and what makes her tick. While men communicate with words because they are logical and deal with facts, women communicate with their body language because they are emotional in nature. When you listen to a woman, you’ll see through her emotional side, but remember, she must give you the permission to understand her by opening to you. Trust me 95% of understanding a woman can be avoided when you understand this simple fact: women care about feelings, men care about facts.
Compliment her: You must show interest in what a woman likes. You can do this by complimenting her looks. Women love to be admired and appreciated. When you show interest in what a woman likes, it gives her a sense of belonging. Show interest in what she likes by tuning into what she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing. This is called empathy, social skills, or “game” for lack of a better term.
Nurture & Pet her: Women love to be taken care of and hence they are considered the weaker sex. Women, by nature, are nurturers while men are hunters. Women loved to be pampered. Just like men are givers, women are receivers. Trust me, if a man is not giving you, he’s giving somebody. Even if a woman has money, she still loves it when a man gives her money.
Don’t Assume: Avoid making assumptions about a woman. Every woman is literally different. every woman is different. As a rule of thumb, when in doubt. Ask questions. This helps for clarity You can ask questions about her belief, feelings, and thoughts. One of the best ways to get to know and understand any person is to talk to them. For instance, you can ask her, why did you go into this profession?
In summary, I think the best way to understand a woman is to act like you don’t understand her. In that way, you’ll see her weird, quirky, and real personality.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Impeached Speaker of the Lagos State House of Assembly, Mudashiru Obasa, has described the corruption allegations against him as “fictitious and unsubstantiated”.
Speaking during a welcome rally at his residence in GRA, Ikeja on Saturday, Obasa maintained that he was not afraid of being impeached but emphasised that due process was not followed.
The former Speaker alleged that his removal was orchestrated while he was away, and accused the state commissioner of police of aiding the process.
He claimed security agents, led by the police commissioner, invaded the assembly complex and his homes in Agege and Ikeja, locking his family indoors with over 200 officers present.
Obasa dismissed allegations of misappropriation.
He mocked claims that a gate construction had cost N16 billion, saying, “Is it the wall of Jericho?”
He said: “I am not afraid of being removed, after all, it is not my father’s chieftaincy title. I am representing my people and they have returned me six times. If you want to do anything, do it well.
“They did the removal all because I was out of the country. Lagos is a special place, we cannot denigrate the state.
The former Speaker cited the case of the former speaker, Rt. Hon Jokotola Pelumi.
He said when Pelumi was removed, he was in the assembly and “we did not invite policemen.
“When my sister, former deputy speaker of the House, Hon. Adefunmilayo Tejuosho was removed, we did not invite the police.”
Obasa said an innocent person should not be discredited, and there must be proof of allegations showing exactly what he has done.
“The Lagos State House of Assembly is above common standard of excellence.
“I appreciate the members of the governance advisory council and Governor Babajide Olusola Aanwo-Olu of the state. He is my brother and he always calls me his younger brother.”
Obasa was impeached on January 13 by more than two-thirds of the 40-member legislative house over alleged misconduct and sundry offences.
His Deputy, Mojisola Meranda, was immediately elected the new speaker, becoming the first female to take charge of the legislative body in the State.
The Federal Airports Authority of Nigeria (FAAN) has confirmed that 38 persons, including seven crew members, were injured when a United Airlines plane made an emergency landing in Lagos on Friday morning.
The Boeing 787-8 flight with 245 passengers was en route to Washington Dulles International Airport (IAD), in the United States, from the Murtala Mohammed International Airport, Lagos, when it developed problems midair and was forced to return to the airport.
There were also 11 crew members – eight attendants and three pilots – on the plane.
The FAAN Director of Public Affairs and Consumer Protection, Obiageli Orah, who confirmed the incident through a statement, said all passengers and crew disembarked safely.
She, however, said four passengers and two crew members sustained serious injuries.
According to her, 27 passengers and five crew members had minor injuries.
The statement read: “The United Airlines Boeing 787-800 departed Murtala Muhammed International Airport (MMIA), Ikeja, at 11:59pm on Thursday, but made air return and landed safely at 3.22am on Friday.
“On board were 245 adults and 11 crew members.
“The team of Aerodrome Rescue and Fire Fighting Services, Aviation Medical, and Aviation Security were already at the gate when the aeroplane parked for deboarding at D31 without incident, and the door was opened at 3:37am.
“While all passengers and crew disembarked safely, four passengers and two crew members sustained serious injuries, and an additional 27 passengers and five crew members had minor injuries.
“The rescue team responded swiftly and effectively, having been on alert and standby.
“Aviation medical ambulances transported the injured passengers, some to the MMA Clinic and others to the headquarters clinic.”
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
There’s no doubt that human beings by nature are insatiable. When we get one opportunity, we always look for another. When we attain one height, we always look for another accomplishment. Isn’t it true that the end of one mountain is the beginning of another.
However, I don’t think it’s selfish for anyone to dare to succeed.
Being ambitious doesn’t make one an opportunist or disloyal. It all depends on one’s perception or outlook to life. It’s just natural for one to dream big. It’s only ugly when the process one chooses to achieve his desires becomes dirty and nasty.
According to a former Nigerian presidential candidate and seasoned Economist, Mr. Peter Obi, “if you must be referred to as “Your Excellency”, then the process through which you arrived in office must be excellent”.
If you desire to be reckoned with on the journey of existence, you must be legitimately hungry for success. One’s hunger for success will facilitate the drive to accomplish great tasks despite daunting obstacles posing as challenges.
When one has this mindset, one will not be bothered by the noise which serves as obstacles and challenges along the way. Negative and weak minds are always concerned on why something won’t work. They tend to focus their energy and reasons on the obstacles facing them. But great and productive minds always focus their energy on the reasons why it will work. This is the spirit of an insatiable mind who is a goal- getter.
It’s instructive to note that we can’t please everyone. According to Bill Cosby, a famous actor, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” Isn’t it true that when you talk, people will still talk about you, when you don’t talk, people will talk about you, so whether you talk or not, people will still judge you, so, do what’s best for you. There’s nothing you can do to please human beings. Your best option is to live your best life.
To understand how the insatiable nature of man works, one must be oneself. You don’t have to “please” anyone. Be yourself, and don’t try to be like anyone just to curry favour. It’s important to note that when you are yourself, the people that matter will come through for you, and the people that don’t matter will gradually find the bearing in another space because those that truly care don’t bother and those that bother don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Life has truly taught me to focus on the important things of life as opposed to the mundane things. It’s truly sad to see people spending more time on the little things of life, and spending little time on the important things of life. That’s just a misplaced priority.
When you are yourself, the best people can do is to copy or imitate your style. They can never imitate your creativity nor can take your originality from you.
We live in a world or society where people don’t generally care or show empathy. Most people tend to live around themselves, their family, and close associates. They generally find it hard to lift a finger to assist others for reasons best known to them. Rev. Fr. Ejike Mbaka once said, “we live in a wicked generation”, re-echoing the voices of a lot of people of the world. Some people in authority just have criminal expertise in amassing wealth of opportunities meant for the citizens without thinking of the citizens they are meant to serve.
It’s worthy of note that not everyone will like you nor support your work, but when you find people who truly care about you; please hold them tight. This is because despite having family members you have shown love and compassion, they might not still appreciate you even if you lay your life for them, they will still find something to say. Again, this is the insatiable nature of man.
It’s okay for everyone not to like you, normalize living your life for God, yourself, family and those that care about you. If everyone likes you, you have a problem.
Did you know that you can get a new family from friends, strangers, and acquaintances? These sets of people might appreciate you more than your own family members. They might not demand or under appreciate you like your family members and close friends or associates. Any little support you give them will be highly appreciated. Their focus is to see you do better.
In conclusion, as you desire to succeed in life, never give in to failure until you have made your last attempt, and never make your last attempt until you succeed. This literally means whatever you desire, dream it, think it, say it, and believe you can achieve it. This principle is generally applicable to relationships, businesses, family, personal and professional development.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
