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Food for Living: Understanding a Woman
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By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
As a Human Capacity and Mindset Coach, one of my services is centered on counseling. I also mentor youths and career professionals on academics and relationships.
Let me make a full disclosure here, I’m not a relationship or marriage counselor, but the nature of my work makes me appear as one due to my numerous videos and engagement with people. However, it is pertinent to note that, as a self-discovery coach, I try to relate with people to understand their pains to assist them in resolving their problems. I do with my self-discovery manual.
It’s instructive to note that in school, workplaces, churches, social gatherings, and homes, we are thought different skills, ethics, life training, and teachings, but we are not thought the school of understanding life, we learn the school of life in the streets while relating with human beings.
It is often said one of the most difficult people to understand is women. In fact, some people say women are the most complicated people on planet earth. According to some scholars, there are three people who cannot advise, a rich man, a religious bigot, and a woman in love. This is because the more you try to understand them, the more you get confused. That leaves us with the question, can one understand a woman? Personally, I will say yes and no. Yes, because if she lets you understand her and even at that it is what she wants you to understand. No, because you can never understand a woman.
The truth is, however, that once you understand a few core tenets of female psychology, women become easier than ever to understand.
Understanding a human being and life is one of the hardest if not the hardest things in the world. It’s just like understanding the psychology of money and blessings. Money, blessings, and opportunities can come in “mysterious”. Some schools of thought opine blessings are spiritual because succeeding in life takes more than being hardworking. An element of God factor, luck, preparation, smartness, networking, etc. play a role. This opportunity comes in ways and manners we cannot comprehend sometimes.
Above all, it is easier to understand life and a man than to understand a woman. This is because, in social relationships, men often seem “stupid” to women, and why women seem “crazy” to men because women don’t seem to understand why a man will have a beautiful, smart, loyal, classy, and submissive girlfriend/wife and he’ll still cheat with a good for nothing lady, while men will always wonder why a lady will fall in love with a guy/man who is not handsome, or a mechanic with no formal education or even someone who is a 5feet and 2 inches tall compared to a handsome, intelligent and tall guy. One begins to wonder what the lady saw in the guy. Well, it could be how he talks, how she feels, or even just his smile. Indeed, women need to be understudied.
Generally, you cannot understand a woman because the more you look, the less you see. Women are such interesting and wonderful creatures. According to Beyoncé in one of the tracks “Run the world”, she asked who runs the world? Women of course. Underate them at your peril. Even in marriage, while men are generally the head, women are the neck.
To show how complicated women are, there was a story about a man who wants to travel to Hawaii, he asked God to build a bridge to fly through. God smiled at him and told him you know it’s not possible. God asked him to make another request, the man said, he has been four times and all the women left him and he would like to know why they left him and how to understand a woman, God smiled and asked him, how many bridges do you want? I guess you get the joke.
That said, the question needs to be asked how one understands a woman? I will be sharing some tips which are not exhaustive, but they are guidelines to understand a woman.
Just like the most powerful part of our human body is our brain because it controls all our thoughts and actions, that’s how a woman works. Imagine opening the brain, you’ll get to see how the veins and arteries are connected. That’s just to give you a glimpse of how a woman is composed. You can never understand her sensing capability, her level of intuition, her feelings, her thinking faculty, how she judges, perceives, and interprets information. Women are indeed wonderful!
However, women are the most interesting people if they show you love. For instance, if a woman decides to support you, she will go all out for you, but if they decide to fight you, please appeal to God for forgiveness and intervention because her anger can go over and beyond. Just to put things in perspective, never allow your wife to buy any property in the house before getting married, because if you do, the day she’s angry she’ll take all the properties. If you doubt, wait until you get married, and you’ll understand.
If I may ask, what do women really want? This is a question many sage, philosophers, and wise men have been battling to unravel for ages but have not been able to answer. To assist them I unravel this ancient question; I have been able to put little guidelines to understand a woman
On a cursory note, women want a man who is confident, and who embodies “alpha male energy.” Women are attracted to confidence, purpose, and direction in a man. Women will see with their eyes if you are confident, they won’t ask. The question now becomes, how does she know if that’s you? Well, she will test without you knowing. If you pass, she will reward you with all of her love. If you don’t? She will lose all attraction for you. Women love to be protected because sometimes they can be anxious and are more prone to anxiety.
Listen to her: The first step in understanding a woman is to listen to her. Paying attention to her words, actions and body language is the gateway to her heart. Take time to observe her. Whether she’s an acquaintance, a family member, or a romantic partner, if you take time to talk to a woman and really listen to what she has to say, you’ll soon have a clearer grasp of who she is and what makes her tick. While men communicate with words because they are logical and deal with facts, women communicate with their body language because they are emotional in nature. When you listen to a woman, you’ll see through her emotional side, but remember, she must give you the permission to understand her by opening to you. Trust me 95% of understanding a woman can be avoided when you understand this simple fact: women care about feelings, men care about facts.
Compliment her: You must show interest in what a woman likes. You can do this by complimenting her looks. Women love to be admired and appreciated. When you show interest in what a woman likes, it gives her a sense of belonging. Show interest in what she likes by tuning into what she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing. This is called empathy, social skills, or “game” for lack of a better term.
Nurture & Pet her: Women love to be taken care of and hence they are considered the weaker sex. Women, by nature, are nurturers while men are hunters. Women loved to be pampered. Just like men are givers, women are receivers. Trust me, if a man is not giving you, he’s giving somebody. Even if a woman has money, she still loves it when a man gives her money.
Don’t Assume: Avoid making assumptions about a woman. Every woman is literally different. every woman is different. As a rule of thumb, when in doubt. Ask questions. This helps for clarity You can ask questions about her belief, feelings, and thoughts. One of the best ways to get to know and understand any person is to talk to them. For instance, you can ask her, why did you go into this profession?
In summary, I think the best way to understand a woman is to act like you don’t understand her. In that way, you’ll see her weird, quirky, and real personality.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
A United States representative, Anna Paulina Luna, has raised the alarm over what she described as the incessant attacks and killings of Christians across different communities in Plateau State by Fulani ethnic militia terrorists and Islamist extremists.
The US lawmaker, who made the allegations in a statement shared on her verified X account on Friday, accused both the state and the federal governments of not doing enough to protect Christians in the state from the regular attacks they suffer when the terrorists descend on the communities.
In a post titled, “What is happening in Nigeria right now?”, the US lawmaker lamented that thousands of Christians in Plateau were facing a mortal threat while security forces had struggled to contain the situation.
“Hundreds of Fulani ethnic militia terrorists descended on Christian communities across Plateau State.
“Thousands of civilians are under mortal threat while the Nigerian Army and security forces struggle to hold the line,” Luna wrote.
According to her, the attacks were preceded by a series of violent incidents targeting Christians and other civilians in the affected communities.
Giving some specifics, Paulina said a pastor and his church secretary were shot dead while they were on their way to church in the days leading up to the latest attacks, while five Christians were attacked in another incident while travelling in a vehicle.
“A pastor and his church secretary were shot dead on their way to church. Five Christians were ambushed in their car.
“A civilian guard was killed outside his own home. A man and his son were beaten and left in critical condition,” the lawmaker said.
The US representative also alleged that security agencies had never taken warnings and security alerts issued before the attacks seriously, questioning why they had not been followed.
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
Last week, we began discussing a grey and near-controversial topic, “pursue passion more than profit”. The topic cannot be exhaustive. Depending on who one is speaking to, different answers and understanding will be received because different things work for different people, and as they say, ‘different strokes for different people’.
It I worthy of note that a family man who is passionate about teaching or working in the non-profit space will be tempted to engage in business to feed his family. But someone with a stable financial background can afford to follow his passion and work as a teacher or in the non-profit space where the pay is not lucrative.
From a practical perspective, I currently work for the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. This is an agency that pays a good salary to the uniformed officers after they work for 51/2 years. In addition to the money they receive, there are countless hours of overtime, which doubles their income depending on how many hours they work. Some call it blood money because they can hardly get the same money in other institutions.
Why am I sharing this information? According to most of the officers; they basically work in the agency because of the money. Most of the officers are of the opinion that they can hardly make such money working in other private or public enterprises. The majority of these officers are not passionate about the job; they are just there to take care of their pressing bills. Some of them even have a timeline: they can work and then resign to start up their business or work in their areas of interest. This goes to tell you that they are trading their passion for profit, which is kind of work if looked at from a particular point of view, but then they are trading their joy and peace.
Let me share another example. In Nigeria, a popular artist, David Adeleke, aka Davido, is one man who followed his passion. This young man came from a wealthy background. He literally left generational wealth to sing. Many thought he was crazy. Davido’s father, billionaire businessman Adedeji Adeleke, initially opposed his music career, but he eventually became fully supportive. Davido’s father went as far as having police shut down shows or arresting people involved when Davido left school in the US to pursue music in Nigeria. Due to his passion for singing, Davido had to fund his early career secretly and rebel against his family’s wishes before breaking through.
Once Davido achieved massive success and proved he could be successful in the industry, his father accepted his path and gave him his blessing. Davido once stated that despite making his own fortune, his billionaire father still surprises him with huge financial gifts, such as wiring him $300,000 after a major performance at the State Farm Arena in Atlanta.
I doubt that Davido would have become this famous if he didn’t follow his passion. Davido can be described as a man whose passion is stronger than power.
I had to share these two perspectives to give clarity on the relativity of passion and profit.
Let’s analyze the concept of passion and profit. If I may ask you, what is passion? What is profit? And what does passion and profit mean to you? According to Cambridge University, passion was defined as a very strong feeling, emotion, or deep enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause. For example, someone can have a strong emotion or a powerful state of feeling like intense love, excitement, anger, or hatred for something or somebody.
Passion can also be a deep interest or hobby which gives someone a strong liking or enthusiasm for an activity, such as cooking, music, or sports. In romantic cases, it can be a romantic or sexual desire: An intense physical or emotional attraction toward someone. In the spiritual context, it can be understood as the Sufferings of Jesus: Historically and in a religious context, it refers to the suffering and death of Jesus Christ between the Last Supper and the crucifixion (the Passion of Christ).
Profit, on the other hand, is the financial gain that remains when total revenue from an activity or business exceeds the total expenses and costs incurred, according to Investopedia. There are different types of profit:
- Gross Profit: Revenue minus the direct cost of producing goods or services (COGS).
- Operating Profit: Gross profit minus day-to-day operating expenses, excluding interest and taxes.
- Net Profit: The final “bottom line” earnings left after all expenses, taxes, and interest are deducted.
Having given an overview of what passion and profit entail, let’s take a minute to understand the thin line between passion and profit. Just like authority is respected more than power, passion has more influence and is generally respected more than profit. No doubt, it’s good to make a profit in business, but in this context, I am referring to the human resource space or human capacity development
On the surface, people may respect someone for the money one has, but they will value a person who is more passionate about a cause than one who has money but does not believe in the message they are preaching. There’s a saying: human beings are more than money. Just like, it’s better to have a good name than to have money.
People generally follow a leader or someone who they can relate to rather than someone who gives them money but is careless about their feelings. One message I heard countless times from one of my revered mentors regarding my career was to pursue passion over profits. According to him, passion is stronger than power. He likened passion to a scenario where a woman loves a man who has less money compared to a man who has money but does not have the values and vision she represents. According to these sets of ladies, money is good, but love conquers everything because if tomorrow the money travels, the marriage is bound to hit a rock, compared to a scene where a lady loves a man for who he is and what he represents. Even when the money is out, the friendship will still thrive.
According to the opposing schools of thought, while passion is good, it is they also believe that hard work beats talent, especially when talent is not put to good use. So, even if one is passionate about a cause or has a talent that is yet to be developed, if one does not intentionally develop it, it will lie fallow. So, invariably, even if one is passionate about a cause, if they don’t have the strength to work on their passion, it’s advisable for them to focus on making money.
Here is my opinion: even though I subscribe to the position of focusing on or working for passion rather than for money, one must apply wisdom in navigating this tough terrain. One can decide to work for money and gather enough money to fund their passion because, at the end of the day, we all want to be happy, because happiness and fulfilment mean everything
In summary, while it is good to do what works for one and what is readily available, it’s imperatively important for one to strive for excellence and perfection, which can be found in passion.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny- Actualizing Your Birthright to Success, Unleash Your Destiny and The Six Pillars of Success . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
The Lagos State Police Command has commenced disciplinary action against an inspector following a viral video in which he was seen making disparaging ethnic remarks while travelling in a public vehicle.
The officer, identified as Inspector Osumah Frank, made what the Command described as “careless, inappropriate and uncultured remarks,” according to a statement issued on Friday, September 25, 2026, and signed by the Command’s Police Public Relations Officer, SP Abimbola Adebisi.
In the video, Frank, who was in police uniform, was heard making remarks about Igbo people and discussing the political ambitions of a former Governor of Anambra State, Peter Obi. He also made comments involving President Bola Tinubu and former Vice President Atiku Abubakar.
The inspector was further heard suggesting that police officers could collect money to frustrate a political candidate’s chances of succeeding.
Reacting to the video, the Command said the officer’s remarks were made in his personal capacity and did not represent the position or views of either the Lagos State Police Command or the Nigeria Police Force.
“The Command has commenced appropriate disciplinary action against the officer in line with established regulations of the Nigeria Police Force,” the statement said.
“It also wishes to make it clear that the statements made by the officer were made in his personal capacity and do not represent the position, views or official disposition of the Lagos State Police Command or the Nigeria Police Force,” it added.
The Commissioner of Police (CP) Tijani Fatai, said police personnel are required to maintain professionalism and respect for members of the public at all times.
“All personnel are expected to maintain professionalism, civility, discipline and respect for members of the public at all times,” the statement quoted Fatai as saying.
He said wearing the police uniform came with a responsibility to uphold the dignity and integrity of the Force, adding that the Command would not condone any conduct capable of bringing the police into disrepute or undermining public confidence in the Force.
The Command reaffirmed its commitment to transparency, accountability and “policing with humility and integrity.”
The video, which circulated widely on social media from around September 23, had drawn criticism over the officer’s remarks, particularly those concerning Igbo people and his comments about police officers collecting money to frustrate a political candidate.
The police did not state the specific disciplinary measures being taken against Frank.
