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Food for Living: Understanding a Woman
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
As a Human Capacity and Mindset Coach, one of my services is centered on counseling. I also mentor youths and career professionals on academics and relationships.
Let me make a full disclosure here, I’m not a relationship or marriage counselor, but the nature of my work makes me appear as one due to my numerous videos and engagement with people. However, it is pertinent to note that, as a self-discovery coach, I try to relate with people to understand their pains to assist them in resolving their problems. I do with my self-discovery manual.
It’s instructive to note that in school, workplaces, churches, social gatherings, and homes, we are thought different skills, ethics, life training, and teachings, but we are not thought the school of understanding life, we learn the school of life in the streets while relating with human beings.
It is often said one of the most difficult people to understand is women. In fact, some people say women are the most complicated people on planet earth. According to some scholars, there are three people who cannot advise, a rich man, a religious bigot, and a woman in love. This is because the more you try to understand them, the more you get confused. That leaves us with the question, can one understand a woman? Personally, I will say yes and no. Yes, because if she lets you understand her and even at that it is what she wants you to understand. No, because you can never understand a woman.
The truth is, however, that once you understand a few core tenets of female psychology, women become easier than ever to understand.
Understanding a human being and life is one of the hardest if not the hardest things in the world. It’s just like understanding the psychology of money and blessings. Money, blessings, and opportunities can come in “mysterious”. Some schools of thought opine blessings are spiritual because succeeding in life takes more than being hardworking. An element of God factor, luck, preparation, smartness, networking, etc. play a role. This opportunity comes in ways and manners we cannot comprehend sometimes.
Above all, it is easier to understand life and a man than to understand a woman. This is because, in social relationships, men often seem “stupid” to women, and why women seem “crazy” to men because women don’t seem to understand why a man will have a beautiful, smart, loyal, classy, and submissive girlfriend/wife and he’ll still cheat with a good for nothing lady, while men will always wonder why a lady will fall in love with a guy/man who is not handsome, or a mechanic with no formal education or even someone who is a 5feet and 2 inches tall compared to a handsome, intelligent and tall guy. One begins to wonder what the lady saw in the guy. Well, it could be how he talks, how she feels, or even just his smile. Indeed, women need to be understudied.
Generally, you cannot understand a woman because the more you look, the less you see. Women are such interesting and wonderful creatures. According to Beyoncé in one of the tracks “Run the world”, she asked who runs the world? Women of course. Underate them at your peril. Even in marriage, while men are generally the head, women are the neck.
To show how complicated women are, there was a story about a man who wants to travel to Hawaii, he asked God to build a bridge to fly through. God smiled at him and told him you know it’s not possible. God asked him to make another request, the man said, he has been four times and all the women left him and he would like to know why they left him and how to understand a woman, God smiled and asked him, how many bridges do you want? I guess you get the joke.
That said, the question needs to be asked how one understands a woman? I will be sharing some tips which are not exhaustive, but they are guidelines to understand a woman.
Just like the most powerful part of our human body is our brain because it controls all our thoughts and actions, that’s how a woman works. Imagine opening the brain, you’ll get to see how the veins and arteries are connected. That’s just to give you a glimpse of how a woman is composed. You can never understand her sensing capability, her level of intuition, her feelings, her thinking faculty, how she judges, perceives, and interprets information. Women are indeed wonderful!
However, women are the most interesting people if they show you love. For instance, if a woman decides to support you, she will go all out for you, but if they decide to fight you, please appeal to God for forgiveness and intervention because her anger can go over and beyond. Just to put things in perspective, never allow your wife to buy any property in the house before getting married, because if you do, the day she’s angry she’ll take all the properties. If you doubt, wait until you get married, and you’ll understand.
If I may ask, what do women really want? This is a question many sage, philosophers, and wise men have been battling to unravel for ages but have not been able to answer. To assist them I unravel this ancient question; I have been able to put little guidelines to understand a woman
On a cursory note, women want a man who is confident, and who embodies “alpha male energy.” Women are attracted to confidence, purpose, and direction in a man. Women will see with their eyes if you are confident, they won’t ask. The question now becomes, how does she know if that’s you? Well, she will test without you knowing. If you pass, she will reward you with all of her love. If you don’t? She will lose all attraction for you. Women love to be protected because sometimes they can be anxious and are more prone to anxiety.
Listen to her: The first step in understanding a woman is to listen to her. Paying attention to her words, actions and body language is the gateway to her heart. Take time to observe her. Whether she’s an acquaintance, a family member, or a romantic partner, if you take time to talk to a woman and really listen to what she has to say, you’ll soon have a clearer grasp of who she is and what makes her tick. While men communicate with words because they are logical and deal with facts, women communicate with their body language because they are emotional in nature. When you listen to a woman, you’ll see through her emotional side, but remember, she must give you the permission to understand her by opening to you. Trust me 95% of understanding a woman can be avoided when you understand this simple fact: women care about feelings, men care about facts.
Compliment her: You must show interest in what a woman likes. You can do this by complimenting her looks. Women love to be admired and appreciated. When you show interest in what a woman likes, it gives her a sense of belonging. Show interest in what she likes by tuning into what she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing. This is called empathy, social skills, or “game” for lack of a better term.
Nurture & Pet her: Women love to be taken care of and hence they are considered the weaker sex. Women, by nature, are nurturers while men are hunters. Women loved to be pampered. Just like men are givers, women are receivers. Trust me, if a man is not giving you, he’s giving somebody. Even if a woman has money, she still loves it when a man gives her money.
Don’t Assume: Avoid making assumptions about a woman. Every woman is literally different. every woman is different. As a rule of thumb, when in doubt. Ask questions. This helps for clarity You can ask questions about her belief, feelings, and thoughts. One of the best ways to get to know and understand any person is to talk to them. For instance, you can ask her, why did you go into this profession?
In summary, I think the best way to understand a woman is to act like you don’t understand her. In that way, you’ll see her weird, quirky, and real personality.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Governor of Oyo State, Seyi Makinde, has confirmed that one of the teachers abducted during the recent terrorist attack on schools in Oriire LGA of the state, has been killed in captivity.
Speaking on Sunday during a press briefing on the incident, Makinde described the situation as “difficult and challenging”, saying the state government is intensifying efforts to rescue the remaining victims.
On Friday, gunmen riding motorcycles invaded communities within the Ahoro-Esiele/Yawota axis of Oriire, Ogbomoso, and abducted students and staff members of Community High School, Ahoro-Esiele, L.A. Primary School, Esiele, and Yawota Baptist Nursery and Primary School.
The attack left an assistant headmaster, identified as Joel Adesiyan, and a commercial motorcyclist dead.
According to Makinde, a video received by the state government confirmed the killing of one of the abductees identified as a mathematics teacher.
“What we know is that seven teachers in all were abducted and unfortunately, we got a video this morning that one of the teachers, the maths teacher, was killed by the terrorists this morning,” Makinde said.
Authorities have yet to confirm the exact number of schoolchildren abducted.
In the aftermath of the incident, videos recorded from captivity began circulating on social media, showing abducted teachers pleading with the government and Nigerians for urgent intervention.
One of the viral videos featured Rachael Alamu, principal of Community High School, Esiele, appealing to the government to help secure the release of the victims before they are killed.
Makinde detailed that six persons had been arrested within the affected locality over alleged links to the attackers, and that another three “persons of interest” were also arrested in connection with the attack.
“The information available from the Commissioner of Police is that six individuals have been arrested within the locality. Some of them were believed to perhaps be informants to people running logistics for the terrorists,” he said.
Following the attack, the Oyo Police Command announced the commencement of an intensive manhunt and rescue operation involving multiple security agencies.
Makinde said personnel of the police, military, the Western Nigeria Security Network codenamed Amotekun, and local hunters were mobilised immediately to pursue the attackers.
The governor said, however, some Amotekun operatives sustained injuries after encountering improvised explosive devices planted by the terrorists during the operation.
“After the incident, Amotekun, the police, military and hunters were mobilised to go after the terrorists and it was along that line that they ran into IEDs and some of the Amotekun operatives were wounded,” he said.
Sources told TheCable that the terrorists had initially opened fire on the security operatives who were approaching the Old Oyo national park on motorcycles, causing them to flee.
“When the shooting subsided, the operatives decided to go for their motorbikes. Unfortunately, a dynamite exploded against one Amotekun corps member and he was wounded. He has been taken to the hospital for medical attention,” a source said.
“Apart from air raid, the Old Oyo National Park Area can’t be easily accessed through infantry. It’s a long distance from the Oowe River which forms a natural landmark boundary for the park. Motorcycles would have to be used for the journey, but the noise of the approaching motorcycles alerted the terrorists.”
Makinde linked the attack to increasing pressure being mounted on terrorist groups in the north-east, warning that fleeing armed groups are moving into other parts of the country, including the south-west.
“With the pressure on the terrorists in the north-east theatre, they will keep moving southwards. Today, the governor of Kwara state has spoken to me. But the problem we have is that when you have pressure in one place, we must be prepared on this side to either repel or neutralise any terrorists fleeing the pressure,” he said.
The governor harped on the need for sustained government and security presence in vulnerable communities, warning that temporary military operations without long-term security measures could leave residents exposed to future attacks.
“If all we can do is clearance operations for a week or two and leave that place, the terrorists will come back and the people will become vulnerable,” he said.
He assured residents that the state government would be deploying military and non-military strategies to secure the release of the abducted victims and tackle the growing security threat.
“We have decided that we will adopt not just the kinetic approach. We have not taken this lightly,” he added.
Makinde also appealed for calm and patience from residents, acknowledging the complexity of the operation.
“I want to appeal to everyone that we are doing everything within our power to ensure that this would be resolved quickly and we bring our children back safely, but it is a very difficult and challenging situation so there may not be quick fixes,” he added.
Source: TheCable
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
Complaining is part of human nature. We complain about our health, school, family, friends, work, finances, government, and life in general. Human beings literally complain about everything and anything.
Over time, I have come to discover something about life: complaining doesn’t solve a problem; it adds to it. According to the Book of Life, why worry when you can pray? The moral of this statement is that instead of worrying, why not look for solutions? When you worry, it only accumulates the problems, but when you explore avenues to solve a problem, you’re literally praying.
Complaining is like having a problem and apportioning blame to another person instead of fixing it. One of the hallmarks of great minds is the ability to solve problems, while little minds complain.
In the world of visionary leaders, they don’t complain; rather, they see complaints as challenges of life, while lesser minds see complaints as problems of life. Again, while great leaders see problems as a gateway to make money and succeed by proffering solutions, little minds see problems as obstacles limiting their growth to succeed. Same action but different results and consequences.
As human beings, we tend to focus on what we don’t have instead of focusing on what we have. It’s only when we appreciate what we have that we give room for opportunities and favors to come to us. It’s unfortunate some of fucus on what we are going through instead of what we are becoming.
It’s instructive to note that complaints don’t lead us anywhere, rather it hinders our progress. Nobody likes complainers; complainers are usually seen as energy suckers because all they do is take without giving. Instead of complaining, why not practice gratitude? Gratitude helps to draw and attract opportunities.
In the world of human relations, the ability to manage people is an uncommon skill. One must learn to nurture relationships. Human beings can be difficult to manage. While some exhibit meekness, gratitude, cheerfulness, and loyalty, some exhibit bitterness, frustration, depression, sadness, and sorrow. What most people don’t know is that we have the ability to change how we manage our lives and how we react to what life throws at us through our attitude.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not insinuating that complaining is wrong; rather, I’m insinuating it’s not healthy for our mental health. The only time we can complain about something is when we are proffering a solution; by so doing, we have highlighted the problems and proffered the solution.
Complaints make us blind to see the good in others. As a word of advice, if you focus exclusively on the shortcomings of the people with whom you have to relate and forget that they have a good point, it will be difficult to see the good in them.
According to Yomi Garnett, focus on the good side of people and be intentional in learning about their mindset and inquire what made them who they are. Also, focusing on the good side of people despite their bad or weak side makes them feel valuable as human beings, and by so doing, we show our empathic personality.
In conclusion, resolve today to stop complaining and start appreciating the challenges of life with gratitude.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
The Lagos Zonal Directorate 1 of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) has arraigned social media personality and self-acclaimed relationship adviser, Okoro Blessing Nkiruka, before the Federal High Court in Lagos over an alleged N36 million fraud.
Blessing CEO was arraigned on Friday before Justice D.I. Dipeolu on a two-count charge bordering on obtaining money by false pretence and alleged theft involving N36 million
According to the EFCC, the defendant allegedly obtained the money from one Mrs. Ifeyinwa Nonye Okoye under the pretext of securing a six-bedroom duplex in Lekki, Lagos — a claim prosecutors said she knew to be false.
During proceedings, defence counsel P.I. Nwafor informed the court that the defendant had refunded N24 million to the complainant and requested a short adjournment to allow discussions over the outstanding balance.
“We have an application to make. The defendant approached the nominal complainant and refunded N24 million out of the N36 million.
“We are asking for a short adjournment to resolve the outstanding balance. The nominal complainant agreed that if the balance is paid, they can prevail on the EFCC to drop the case,” the lawyer said.
However, prosecution counsel S.I. Suleiman opposed the request, insisting that the commission was not involved in any private settlement arrangement.
“The complainant here is the Federal Government of Nigeria, and we are here for the arraignment. We urge that the defendant take her plea, as that is the business of the day,” he argued.
Ruling on the matter, Justice Dipeolu held that settlement talks could continue independently but would not stop the arraignment process.
“The defence and the nominal complainant can have discussions even during the pendency of the charge. It does not affect the proceedings before the court. The defendant will take her plea,” the judge ruled.
One of the charges alleged that between July 14 and 17, 2024, Blessing CEO fraudulently obtained N36 million from the complainant over a purported property lease in Lekki.
Another count accused her of unlawfully converting the money to personal use, contrary to provisions of the Criminal Code Act.
She pleaded not guilty to the charges.
Following her plea, the prosecution asked the court to commence trial and remand her in a correctional facility, while the defence requested that she remain in EFCC custody pending bail arrangements.
Justice Dipeolu subsequently ordered that the defendant be remanded in EFCC custody and adjourned the matter to June 5, 2026, for commencement of trial.
