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Food for Living: Understanding a Woman
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
As a Human Capacity and Mindset Coach, one of my services is centered on counseling. I also mentor youths and career professionals on academics and relationships.
Let me make a full disclosure here, I’m not a relationship or marriage counselor, but the nature of my work makes me appear as one due to my numerous videos and engagement with people. However, it is pertinent to note that, as a self-discovery coach, I try to relate with people to understand their pains to assist them in resolving their problems. I do with my self-discovery manual.
It’s instructive to note that in school, workplaces, churches, social gatherings, and homes, we are thought different skills, ethics, life training, and teachings, but we are not thought the school of understanding life, we learn the school of life in the streets while relating with human beings.
It is often said one of the most difficult people to understand is women. In fact, some people say women are the most complicated people on planet earth. According to some scholars, there are three people who cannot advise, a rich man, a religious bigot, and a woman in love. This is because the more you try to understand them, the more you get confused. That leaves us with the question, can one understand a woman? Personally, I will say yes and no. Yes, because if she lets you understand her and even at that it is what she wants you to understand. No, because you can never understand a woman.
The truth is, however, that once you understand a few core tenets of female psychology, women become easier than ever to understand.
Understanding a human being and life is one of the hardest if not the hardest things in the world. It’s just like understanding the psychology of money and blessings. Money, blessings, and opportunities can come in “mysterious”. Some schools of thought opine blessings are spiritual because succeeding in life takes more than being hardworking. An element of God factor, luck, preparation, smartness, networking, etc. play a role. This opportunity comes in ways and manners we cannot comprehend sometimes.
Above all, it is easier to understand life and a man than to understand a woman. This is because, in social relationships, men often seem “stupid” to women, and why women seem “crazy” to men because women don’t seem to understand why a man will have a beautiful, smart, loyal, classy, and submissive girlfriend/wife and he’ll still cheat with a good for nothing lady, while men will always wonder why a lady will fall in love with a guy/man who is not handsome, or a mechanic with no formal education or even someone who is a 5feet and 2 inches tall compared to a handsome, intelligent and tall guy. One begins to wonder what the lady saw in the guy. Well, it could be how he talks, how she feels, or even just his smile. Indeed, women need to be understudied.
Generally, you cannot understand a woman because the more you look, the less you see. Women are such interesting and wonderful creatures. According to Beyoncé in one of the tracks “Run the world”, she asked who runs the world? Women of course. Underate them at your peril. Even in marriage, while men are generally the head, women are the neck.
To show how complicated women are, there was a story about a man who wants to travel to Hawaii, he asked God to build a bridge to fly through. God smiled at him and told him you know it’s not possible. God asked him to make another request, the man said, he has been four times and all the women left him and he would like to know why they left him and how to understand a woman, God smiled and asked him, how many bridges do you want? I guess you get the joke.
That said, the question needs to be asked how one understands a woman? I will be sharing some tips which are not exhaustive, but they are guidelines to understand a woman.
Just like the most powerful part of our human body is our brain because it controls all our thoughts and actions, that’s how a woman works. Imagine opening the brain, you’ll get to see how the veins and arteries are connected. That’s just to give you a glimpse of how a woman is composed. You can never understand her sensing capability, her level of intuition, her feelings, her thinking faculty, how she judges, perceives, and interprets information. Women are indeed wonderful!
However, women are the most interesting people if they show you love. For instance, if a woman decides to support you, she will go all out for you, but if they decide to fight you, please appeal to God for forgiveness and intervention because her anger can go over and beyond. Just to put things in perspective, never allow your wife to buy any property in the house before getting married, because if you do, the day she’s angry she’ll take all the properties. If you doubt, wait until you get married, and you’ll understand.
If I may ask, what do women really want? This is a question many sage, philosophers, and wise men have been battling to unravel for ages but have not been able to answer. To assist them I unravel this ancient question; I have been able to put little guidelines to understand a woman
On a cursory note, women want a man who is confident, and who embodies “alpha male energy.” Women are attracted to confidence, purpose, and direction in a man. Women will see with their eyes if you are confident, they won’t ask. The question now becomes, how does she know if that’s you? Well, she will test without you knowing. If you pass, she will reward you with all of her love. If you don’t? She will lose all attraction for you. Women love to be protected because sometimes they can be anxious and are more prone to anxiety.
Listen to her: The first step in understanding a woman is to listen to her. Paying attention to her words, actions and body language is the gateway to her heart. Take time to observe her. Whether she’s an acquaintance, a family member, or a romantic partner, if you take time to talk to a woman and really listen to what she has to say, you’ll soon have a clearer grasp of who she is and what makes her tick. While men communicate with words because they are logical and deal with facts, women communicate with their body language because they are emotional in nature. When you listen to a woman, you’ll see through her emotional side, but remember, she must give you the permission to understand her by opening to you. Trust me 95% of understanding a woman can be avoided when you understand this simple fact: women care about feelings, men care about facts.
Compliment her: You must show interest in what a woman likes. You can do this by complimenting her looks. Women love to be admired and appreciated. When you show interest in what a woman likes, it gives her a sense of belonging. Show interest in what she likes by tuning into what she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing. This is called empathy, social skills, or “game” for lack of a better term.
Nurture & Pet her: Women love to be taken care of and hence they are considered the weaker sex. Women, by nature, are nurturers while men are hunters. Women loved to be pampered. Just like men are givers, women are receivers. Trust me, if a man is not giving you, he’s giving somebody. Even if a woman has money, she still loves it when a man gives her money.
Don’t Assume: Avoid making assumptions about a woman. Every woman is literally different. every woman is different. As a rule of thumb, when in doubt. Ask questions. This helps for clarity You can ask questions about her belief, feelings, and thoughts. One of the best ways to get to know and understand any person is to talk to them. For instance, you can ask her, why did you go into this profession?
In summary, I think the best way to understand a woman is to act like you don’t understand her. In that way, you’ll see her weird, quirky, and real personality.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Operatives of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission have arrested a former chairman of defunct Skye Bank Plc, Tunde Ayeni, over alleged money laundering, misappropriation and diversion of funds amounting to N36.54bn and $30m.
Ayeni, a businessman, was arrested in Abuja on Thursday, and is currently being held at the commission’s facility.
The arrest followed an EFCC probe into alleged misappropriation and diversion of funds said to have been obtained from Polaris Bank through multiple entities linked to him.
“Operatives of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, have arrested a former board chairman of defunct Skye Bank Plc and businessman, Tunde Ayeni, in connection with alleged money laundering, misappropriation and diversion of funds to the tune of N36,540,058,400.00 and $30m.
“Ayeni was arrested sequel to the investigation of the EFCC into alleged misappropriation and diversion of funds to the tune of N36,540,058,400.00 and $30m obtained from Polaris Bank Plc by different entities linked to him.
“The funds were loans obtained allegedly for specific investment projects but subsequently transferred to other entities’ accounts. Investigations showed that, though the loans were obtained for purposes such as finance of marine security activities, electricity distribution contract, estate development, they were diverted to the NITEL/MTEL asset acquisition through NATCOM account,” one of the sources said.
Another source said the commission is currently probing 12 companies allegedly linked to Ayeni, which it said were used to obtain the loans from Polaris Bank.
“Twelve different companies linked to Ayeni are being investigated by the EFCC. They are entities he allegedly used to obtain loans from Polaris Bank for his shady activities. The loans are depositors’ funds fraudulently obtained and frittered into diverse wasteful purposes. Ayeni will be arraigned in due course upon conclusion of investigations,” the source said.
When contacted, EFCC spokesman Dele Oyewale confirmed the arrest but declined to give further details.
The Punch
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
To be fruitful is to be productive, profitable, and successful in all areas of your life. When one is fruitful, he will attract many opportunities and values. When we are fruitful, we won’t be barren because we will be producing fruits and results with our work. Even the book of life said no woman will be barren in your land. That’s being fruitful.
Fruitfulness permeates every area of our life. When you are fruitful, your life, marriage, business, academic, ethics, relationship/network will flourish. Our business must be fruitful to survive, otherwise it will be out of business. We shall discuss several areas where one can be fruitful.
Parents
The joy of every father is for the child to be greater than him. Any father that wants to be greater than his son is not a good father in my understanding. Parents, mentors, government, teachers, leaders of faith, etc. all want us to be fruitful.
Let’s take a case study of parents. They sacrifice their time, resources and health just to give us a decent life. They do it because they want us to be successful in life.
Personally, I watched my late father and mother deprive themselves of the luxury of life just to give me and my siblings a decent life. My late parents never had the opportunity of having a decent education, it won’t be out of place for one to say they are unlettered, but they knew the value of education.
My late dad will always say, he’s not concerned about building houses, or living a luxury lifestyle, to him, those are secondary needs of life. His primary concern is for his children to have a good education. My late dad will always say assuming he’s educated, he would have excelled higher in life.
My late mother is not an exemption. I vividly remember one day my late mother said to me, her colleagues are buying jewelry, shoes, clothes, making their hair, etc. to fit into trends, but she’s not concerned about that, her major concern is for her children to have a decent education and look good.
Most people don’t understand the inspiration behind why I do what I do today. My late parents were and remained my biggest supporter. Apart from going to heaven, my greatest goal is to make my late parents and children proud. The moral of this analysis is my late parents sacrificed even their life for me and siblings just because they want us to be successful and fruitful.
Mentors
Mentors are not left out of this equation; mentors can be regarded as gatekeepers because they have paid the price of success. It is the fruitfulness of mentors that attracts values and mentees to them. When a mentor accepts a mentee into his fold, he’s simply telling the mentee, “I want you to be successful, I don’t want you to fail. However, it is important to state that before a mentor can accept to mentor a mentee, the mentor would have seen some potential in the mentees.
It’s instructive to mention that there are five types of mentors namely:
- Position Mentor: People follow you because they have a right to follow you which can be because of the position you occupy.
- Permission Mentor: People follow you because you allow them. For example, in relationships when you decide to allow people to build relationships with you.
- Production Mentor: People follow you because of what you have done for the organization or association. This is result oriented.
- People Development Mentor: People follow you because of what you have done for them.
- Pinnacle Mentor: People follow you because of who you are or what you represent. The question now is where do you belong?
For the umpteenth time, I am a product of mentorship. My mentors have really shaped my life.
Teachers
Teachers are not left out. Teachers are generally regarded as professional educators who play a critical role in fostering student achievement, personal growth, and social development. They are seen as the “lifeblood” of the education system, often serving as mentors, role models, and agents of social change.
There are many components of teachers namely:
- Professional Experts: Teachers are trained specialists in pedagogy (the art/science of teaching) and subject matter, holding degrees and certifications that qualify them to guide learners.
- Facilitators and Mentors: Beyond delivering content, they act as guides who help students acquire critical thinking skills and knowledge, shifting from “information dispensers” to active facilitators.
- Lifelong Learners: Effective teachers are viewed as individuals who continuously learn and adapt their practices to new technologies, curricula, and student needs.
- Moral and Cultural Guides: Teachers are often expected to act as stewards of community values, maintaining student safety, and cultivating civic responsibility.
- “Backbone of Society”: They are considered crucial to a nation’s social and economic development by preparing the future workforce. Above all, they assist in making us fruitful human beings.
Leaders of faith
The leaders of faith are regarded as the molders of the human faith because they help to build our faith. When the scripture says in Genesis 1:8, be fruitful and multiply, the scripture is also referring to them because they are regarded as shepherds. As Christians, we expected to be fruitful because our heavenly father is fruitful. Being fruitful here entails bearing fruits with our life and this entails using our life to attract people into the kingdom of God as evidence of our heavenly father who expects us to be Christlike.
Government
Let’s talk about the government. When a government is fruitful, it will reflect on the lives of her citizens, but when the government is performing below expectations, the citizens will be on the receiving end. The principal responsibility of the government is protection of life and security for her citizens. Every other thing is secondary. The government is also responsible for creating job opportunities for the citizens. However, it should be noted the government cannot create for all her citizens, and as such they provide an enabling environment for the private sector to thrive.
Employers/Supervisors/Leaders
These sets of people are regarded as people of influence. You need them at your corner, if you intend to move higher in life. Your employers and supervisors are regarded as your leaders. You can never outsmart them; the best one can try is to be in their good books and tolerate their excesses. When an employee is fruitful and exceeding expectations at work, they tend to be rewarded by their supervisors or employers because of the value they create and the problem they solve
In conclusion, whatever you do in life, please try and be fruitful.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Justice Darius Khobo of the Kaduna State High Court has adjourned the bail hearing of former Governor of Kaduna State, Mallam Nasir El-Rufai, to the first week of June, 2026.
El-Rufai is being arraigned on multiple charges bordering on alleged financial crime and abuse of office by the Independent Corrupt Practices and Other Related Offences Commission (ICPC).
“Similarly, another charge, number KDH/KAD/ICPC/01/26, against Mallam Nasir El-Rufa’i and one Amadu Sule (LEDA) has also been filed before a Kaduna State High Court in the Kaduna Judicial Division,” the ICPC said last month.
“The charges in the State High Court case range from abuse of office, fraud, and intent to commit fraud to conferring undue advantage, among others. Both charges were filed by the ICPC on the 18th of March, 2026.”
Speaking after the court session, counsel to the former governor, Ukpon Akpan, kicked against the lingering adjournment of the bail hearing by one presiding judge as politically motivated.
The high-profile case has drawn significant public attention, with heightened security presence observed around the court premises.
The former governor had arrived at the court at about 9 am in a convoy accompanied by ICPC officials and operatives of the Department of State Services (DSS).
During the proceedings, supporters of the former governor gathered outside the courtroom, while security agencies maintained order and restricted movement within the vicinity.
Inside the courtroom, journalists, as usual, were not allowed, as proceedings are expected to focus on arguments presented by both the defence and prosecution regarding the bail request.
At the last sitting, the defence team had maintained that their client poses no flight risk and is willing to comply with all conditions set by the court.
Meanwhile, the prosecution has urged the court to carefully consider the gravity of the charges.
The 66-year-old former governor of Kaduna has been in ICPC custody since February 19 following his release by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC).
El-Rufai, a former minister of the FCT, was, however, released on March 27 based on compassionate grounds following his mother’s death
