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Sexless Marriage will Affect Your Mental Health
By Adeoye Oyewole (adeoyewole2000@yahoo.com)
For most married couples, the bedroom is a place of privacy and sexual intimacy. But many who have been married for a while know that this is often not the case.
Sometimes and for a long period, the bedroom can become a lonely place. To be clear, a sexless marriage is a marital union in which little or no sexual activity occurs between both spouses. A Newsweek magazine survey found that 15 to 20 per cent of couples are in a sexless union.
Studies have even showed that about 10 per cent of couples below the age of 50 have not had sex in a year. The definition is often broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs less than 10 times per year.
In addition, less than 20 per cent of them report having sex a few times per year, or even monthly, under the age 40. This definition takes into consideration the fact that partners may have varying sexual drives, but not as bad as having sex only 10 times in a year.
It is difficult to obtain statistics about couples in Nigeria, but sexless marriages may be common among our modern, educated couples. Our religious and socio-cultural values that accommodate polygamy and forbid divorce may mask research findings and inadvertently encourage marriages, even if it is sexless.
If you are in this category, there is no shame. What you need is help before it begins to affect your mental health.
The major causes of sexless marriages are psychological, but a few are understandably due to some biological and clinical situations that could be handled medically, such as vulvae pain syndromes, fragile vagina tissues from low levels of oestrogen, prostate difficulties in men, post-heart attack or stroke states, chronic arthritis, chronic low back pain, side effects of medications and diabetic complications.
There are also clinical psychological states such as depressive illness, chronic fatigue syndrome, hypoactive sexual drive, gender identity problems or body image difficulties. However, more than 90 per cent of the causes of sexless marriages are due to issues in the psychodynamics of the marital relationship.
A partner may have feelings hurt repeatedly, get turned down too many times, get disrespected and erect a wall that does not allow issues to be resolved promptly. These unresolved conflicts can generate a state of permanent hostility that blocks sexual expression.
The partner, who behaves in a passive-aggressive manner, may block sexual intercourse as punishment or protection from hurt inflicted by the mate. The perceived rejection may lead to loss of interest in sexual communication, which may be complicated by loneliness, anger and lowering of self-esteem in the spouse who feels that basic sexual human needs are deliberately frustrated by the rejecting partner.
Other causes of this resentment may be due to perceived imbalance of duties and responsibilities, including moral, religious and financial issues. This may get complicated when extra-marital affairs set in, which may lead to reduced sexual interest in the estranged spouse and, if the affair is discovered, the innocent spouse may cease to want to be intimate with the offending spouse.
This may manifest as restricted, formal and coarse communication as partners treat each other with contempt. Couples in this situation are definitely in mental distress or already mentally ill, hence they require professional help.
Those deeper feelings of resentment must be uncovered and dealt with as they practise active listening and try to communicate creatively in the process of discovery. You may think you have a right to be resentful of the way you have been treated, and while it might seem natural, resentment creeps into everything you do.
Every time you talk to your spouse, every action you take can be so tainted with this resentment that it becomes a psychological burden. The path to recovery is that you make a conscious effort to do everything for the benefit of both of you, and not just yourself. You must be honest and, without hatred or fear or anger, confront the problem of sexual intimacy together.
The bedroom should be a peaceful and relaxing place by keeping it free of clutter. To bring the spark back, you can go on dates, do fun things together, especially things that ignite mutual passion and excitement.
There is a need for the services of a professional marriage counselor, who will help couples to navigate and elicit hidden resentments and resolve. Such a counsellor will also help to identity faculty communication styles that may have shut down sexual intimacy and suggest new patterns and also appropriately refer those with mental health issues.
A successful marriage requires commitment, effort, compromise and forgiveness. Sexless marriage can impair wholesome development of children in the home because of discordance in communication. In addition, less than 20 per cent of them report having sex a few times per year, or even monthly, under the age 40.
The facility of education and financial empowerment of our modern wives may serve as templates for more conflicts leading to ego-stalemates that may injure sexual intimacy. Our relatively lower rates of divorce, even among our educated couples, compared with the western world, may find compensation in sexless marriages as a manifestation of emotional divorce.
President Donald Trump claimed on Monday that Americans want him to run for another term, a step banned by the US constitution but which he continues describing as possible.
“People are asking me to run,” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office when asked about the possibility of a third term.
“I don’t know. I never looked into it. They do say there’s a way you can do it, but I don’t know about that, but I have not looked into it,” Trump said.
Trump was asked about the prospect of a race pitting him against former president Barack Obama, who served two terms.
“That would be a good one, I’d like that,” Trump said.
“I’m not joking” about the idea of seeking a third term, Trump said Sunday in an interview with NBC News.
The 78-year-old Republican served from 2017 to 2021 and began his second term in the White House on January 20.
The first US president, George Washington, established a tradition by not seeking a third term after completing his second one in 1797.
But this tradition was not formally added to the US constitution until after World War II, with the ratification of the 22nd amendment in 1951.
It says no one can be elected president more than two times.
Publisher of The Boss Newspaper and a chieftain of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), Chief Dele Momodu, has appealed to President Bola Tinubu not to “kill democracy in Nigeria.”
The appeal, which was made while Momodu was fielding questions during a live television show on Channel TV’s Morning Brief on Monday, was an aftermath of President Tinubu’s suspension of Rivers State Governor, Siminalayi Fubara, his deputy, Ngozi Odu, and the state House of Assembly for six months due to a political crisis in the state.
The journalist expressed his concern over Tinubu’s decision, which he described the move as “worse than dictatorship.”
He added that he was disappointed by the president’s actions, especially given Tinubu’s past fight for democracy.
Momodu stated, “I think it is very unfortunate. I know President Tinubu very, very, very well. Though I’ve not been in the same party [with him] and all that, we were together in exile, and he fought gallantly for this democracy,” he said.
“So a lot of us, co-comrades at that time, are actually very embarrassed that we have a pro-democracy leader in government, and yet what we are witnessing is worse than dictatorship.
“I’m pleading with President Bola Tinubu, ‘Please don’t kill democracy in Nigeria.’ Everybody who loves him will tell him this. I don’t; I’ve not asked him for anything or anything, but we love him for his contributions to the motivation in the back, which is what is going down the drain.”
He also warned that the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) was trying to intimidate the opposition, urging Tinubu not to be misled by those around him, adding that he does not need to intimidate anybody.
“I’m saying it now openly to millions of Nigerians that people are deceiving President Tinubu, and he should not allow people to deceive you,” he said.
“He should just do his job. The only thing that can guarantee a second time is to do your job well. You do not need to intimidate anybody.”
President Bola Tinubu and Vice President Kashim Shettima, on Sunday, joined others for prayers at the National Eid ground in Abuja, as Nigerian Muslims mark the Eid-El-Fitr celebrations together with millions of others around the world.
Deputy President of the Senate, Barau Jibrin, the National Security Adviser, Nuhu Ribadu and some ministers also observed the prayer at the same venue.
Eid-El-Fitr, meaning the festival of breaking the fast, is a time of gratitude, charity and communal harmony.
It began with special prayers known as Eid prayers held in Mosques and open spaces. Following the prayers, families share festive meals, exchange gifts and extend warm greetings.
Eid is a time to remember those less fortunate and to strengthen the bond of brotherhood and sisterhood. A key component of Eid is Zakat al Fitr, a mandatory charitable donation intended to ensure everyone irrespective of their financial situation can participate in the joy of the celebration.
This act of giving embodies the spirit of compassion and solidarity that Ramdan emphasizes. From the elaborate feast of South Asia to the festive clothing of Nigeria and the African continent and the warm gatherings of the Middle East, Eid celebrations vary across cultures, showcasing the rich diversity of the Muslim world.
However, the underlining message of unity, gratitude and compassion remains universal.
Saudi Arabia and some other Gulf Arab states are celebrating the Eid al-Fitr holiday from today, but other Middle Eastern countries will not do so until Monday.
“The Supreme Court has decided that tomorrow, Sunday, March 30, 2025, is the first day of Eid al-Fitr,” the Saudi Royal Court said in a statement carried by official media.
The timing of the holiday, which marks the end of the fasting month of Ramadan, is determined by the sighting of the crescent moon, in accordance with the Muslim lunar calendar.
The United Arab Emirates and Qatar also announced Sunday would be the first day of the holiday.
But neighbouring Oman and Jordan, as well as Shiite-majority Iran, said that Eid al-Fitr would not begin until Monday because the crescent moon had yet to be sighted. Egypt and other North African countries followed suit.
