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Sexless Marriage will Affect Your Mental Health
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By Adeoye Oyewole (adeoyewole2000@yahoo.com)
For most married couples, the bedroom is a place of privacy and sexual intimacy. But many who have been married for a while know that this is often not the case.
Sometimes and for a long period, the bedroom can become a lonely place. To be clear, a sexless marriage is a marital union in which little or no sexual activity occurs between both spouses. A Newsweek magazine survey found that 15 to 20 per cent of couples are in a sexless union.
Studies have even showed that about 10 per cent of couples below the age of 50 have not had sex in a year. The definition is often broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs less than 10 times per year.
In addition, less than 20 per cent of them report having sex a few times per year, or even monthly, under the age 40. This definition takes into consideration the fact that partners may have varying sexual drives, but not as bad as having sex only 10 times in a year.
It is difficult to obtain statistics about couples in Nigeria, but sexless marriages may be common among our modern, educated couples. Our religious and socio-cultural values that accommodate polygamy and forbid divorce may mask research findings and inadvertently encourage marriages, even if it is sexless.
If you are in this category, there is no shame. What you need is help before it begins to affect your mental health.
The major causes of sexless marriages are psychological, but a few are understandably due to some biological and clinical situations that could be handled medically, such as vulvae pain syndromes, fragile vagina tissues from low levels of oestrogen, prostate difficulties in men, post-heart attack or stroke states, chronic arthritis, chronic low back pain, side effects of medications and diabetic complications.
There are also clinical psychological states such as depressive illness, chronic fatigue syndrome, hypoactive sexual drive, gender identity problems or body image difficulties. However, more than 90 per cent of the causes of sexless marriages are due to issues in the psychodynamics of the marital relationship.
A partner may have feelings hurt repeatedly, get turned down too many times, get disrespected and erect a wall that does not allow issues to be resolved promptly. These unresolved conflicts can generate a state of permanent hostility that blocks sexual expression.
The partner, who behaves in a passive-aggressive manner, may block sexual intercourse as punishment or protection from hurt inflicted by the mate. The perceived rejection may lead to loss of interest in sexual communication, which may be complicated by loneliness, anger and lowering of self-esteem in the spouse who feels that basic sexual human needs are deliberately frustrated by the rejecting partner.
Other causes of this resentment may be due to perceived imbalance of duties and responsibilities, including moral, religious and financial issues. This may get complicated when extra-marital affairs set in, which may lead to reduced sexual interest in the estranged spouse and, if the affair is discovered, the innocent spouse may cease to want to be intimate with the offending spouse.
This may manifest as restricted, formal and coarse communication as partners treat each other with contempt. Couples in this situation are definitely in mental distress or already mentally ill, hence they require professional help.
Those deeper feelings of resentment must be uncovered and dealt with as they practise active listening and try to communicate creatively in the process of discovery. You may think you have a right to be resentful of the way you have been treated, and while it might seem natural, resentment creeps into everything you do.
Every time you talk to your spouse, every action you take can be so tainted with this resentment that it becomes a psychological burden. The path to recovery is that you make a conscious effort to do everything for the benefit of both of you, and not just yourself. You must be honest and, without hatred or fear or anger, confront the problem of sexual intimacy together.
The bedroom should be a peaceful and relaxing place by keeping it free of clutter. To bring the spark back, you can go on dates, do fun things together, especially things that ignite mutual passion and excitement.
There is a need for the services of a professional marriage counselor, who will help couples to navigate and elicit hidden resentments and resolve. Such a counsellor will also help to identity faculty communication styles that may have shut down sexual intimacy and suggest new patterns and also appropriately refer those with mental health issues.
A successful marriage requires commitment, effort, compromise and forgiveness. Sexless marriage can impair wholesome development of children in the home because of discordance in communication. In addition, less than 20 per cent of them report having sex a few times per year, or even monthly, under the age 40.
The facility of education and financial empowerment of our modern wives may serve as templates for more conflicts leading to ego-stalemates that may injure sexual intimacy. Our relatively lower rates of divorce, even among our educated couples, compared with the western world, may find compensation in sexless marriages as a manifestation of emotional divorce.
Headlines
Amid Fraud Allegations, Tinubu Appoints Gbajabiamila As Head, State Police Implementation Committee
President Bola Tinubu on Tuesday inaugurated the Presidential Working Group on the National Policing Bill to prepare the legal framework for implementing state police across the country.
Tinubu, represented by his Chief of Staff, Mr Femi Gbajabiamila, inaugurated the panel at the Presidential Villa, Abuja.
The inauguration followed the Senate’s passage of the Constitution Alteration (State Police) Bill, 2026, proposing a dual policing structure comprising the Federal Police Service and 36 State Police Services.
Tinubu said while the constitutional amendment creates the framework for state police, the National Policing Bill would provide the legal structure for its implementation.
He said, “The Constitution Amendment Bill establishes in the framework for dual policing, but it does not operationalise it. That work is left to the National Policing Bill.”
He said the proposed legislation would address policing standards, state readiness, federal-state coordination, accountability, human rights safeguards and personnel transition.
“The proposed National Policing Bill will include provisions on minimum policing standards, state readiness certification, federal-state coordination, accountability, human rights safeguards and fiscal conditions,” he noted.
The president said that the committee will produce an implementation-ready draft bill immediately after the constitutional amendment process.
“The Working Group has been constituted to produce a technically robust, implementation-ready draft National Policing Bill for transmission to the National Assembly,” Tinubu said.
He said the committee would also recommend other legal instruments required for the smooth implementation of the dual policing system.
“We must not wait until the constitutional process is concluded before beginning this important assignment,” he said.
Gbajabiamila will serve as chairman of the committee, while members include the Attorney-General of the Federation, National Security Adviser and Inspector-General of Police.
Others are; President of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA), the Chairman, Nigeria Governors’ Forum (NGF), Chairman, NGF Committee on State Police and a Secretariat.
Attorney-General of the Federation and Minister of Justice, Lateef Fagbemi described the initiative as timely in view of Nigeria’s security challenges.
“There is no denying the fact that we are in a critical moment security-wise, and all hands must be on deck,” he said.
Fagbemi urged governors to ensure speedy ratification of the constitutional amendment by their respective state assemblies.
“I appeal to the governors to do their utmost to ensure the early passage of the constitutional amendment because this is a shared responsibility,” he said.
President of the Nigerian Bar Association, Mr Afam Osigwe, reaffirmed the association’s support for the state police initiative.
“Nigeria can hardly be effectively policed by one national police. We fully support the constitutional amendment providing for state police,” he said.
Osigwe, however, stressed the need for adequate legal safeguards to prevent abuse of state police.
“We must ensure we do not create a monster. The right legal framework must guarantee accountability and prevent oppression,” he said.
He pledged the NBA’s commitment to supporting the committee in producing legislation that will strengthen security while protecting citizens’ rights.
Speaking on behalf of the NGF, Governor Dapo Abiodun of Ogun State pledged governors’ support for the speedy implementation of the reform.
He said the plan is for the 36 state governors to accelerate work on the bill once it gets to their various House of Assembly and passed unanimously.
“The plan is that when the bill gets to our various Houses of Assembly, we will all pass it on the same day,” he said.
Abiodun described the proposed state police as a response to Nigerians’ long-standing demand for community-based policing.
“This bill has answered the cries of Nigerians about cascading policing and removing it from the Exclusive Legislative List.”
He said the initiative validated the success of regional security outfits such as Amotekun in the South-West.
“This bill has validated the effectiveness of community policing as demonstrated by Amotekun in the South-West,’ he said.
Abiodun said state police would significantly increase the number of security personnel across the country.
“If each state deploys about 6,000 personnel, we will add nearly 200,000 officers to complement the existing federal police.”.
The governor commended Tinubu for initiating implementation plans before the constitutional amendment process was completed.
“This inauguration demonstrates the proactiveness of the Executive in preparing for effective implementation,” Abiodun said.
Egypt’s head coach, Hossam Hassan, has claimed their last-16 match at the 2026 World Cup was rigged in favour of Argentina.
The Pharoahs frittered away a two-goal lead to lose 3-2 on Tuesday evening.
But some of the officiating calls left Hassan angry after the game.
“I will say what’s on my mind regardless of consequence,” Hassan said.
“This was clearly a rigged match and the whole world saw it.
“And I want to say one more thing: if they want (Argentina) to win so bad, why call everyone to come and participate?”
Paul Ibe, Media Adviser to former Vice President Atiku Abubakar, has faulted President Bola Tinubu’s directive on the Presidential Foreign Intervention Promotion Council (PFIPC).
According to a Tuesday statement issued by Special Adviser to the President on Information and Strategy, Bayo Onanuga, Tinubu ordered the Independent Corrupt Practices and Other Related Offences Commission (ICPC) to thoroughly investigate the activities of PFIPC and all related matters.
The president ordered all ministries, departments and agencies of government to provide the ICPC, upon lawful request, with all relevant information, records and assistance required for the expeditious completion of the investigation.
He further directed that the investigation be concluded and a comprehensive report submitted to him within 30 days, emphasising that the integrity of the Presidency and the institutions of government must be protected against impersonation, forgery, abuse of official identity, and the exploitation of weaknesses in the public service.
Reacting, Ibe said no fair probe could be conducted unless key personalities linked to the saga, including Chief of Staff to the President, Femi Gbajabiamila, are first suspended.
“It is flagrantly wrong for President Bola Tinubu to order the ICPC to investigate the so-called “fake” agency, Presidential Foreign Investment Promotion Council (PFIPC) and its “phantom” Director General, Prince Adeniyi Adeyemi Matthew without asking the key suspects, including his Chief of Staff, Hon. Femi Gbajabiamila, to proceed on suspension pending the conclusion of the investigation,” Ibe said in a Facebook post.
He added, “Not suspending all those involved in the #GbajaGate scandal is akin to them being a judge in their own case.
“Their continued stay in office while the investigation is going on, gives them the opportunity to interfere with the investigation process.”
Gbajabiamila has threatened to institute a N10 billion lawsuit against Prince Adeniyi Adeyemi, who has been parading himself as the Director-General of PFIPC, an agency the federal government insists does not exist.
