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Food for Living: Associating with the Right People Matters
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
According to some schools of thought, the people one relates with have a greater influence on them, negatively or positively. These schools of thought strongly believe that one’s environment also has a proportional influence in their life.
There’s no gain-saying the fact that in life, association really matters. For instance, if you have nine millionaire friends, it’s more likely you will become the tenth millionaire if you are able to cultivate the right ethics, principles, values and more importantly, the right mindset. This is because making money, managing money, and growing money are three distinct skills one needs to cultivate because no one can attain lasting wealth until they are able to master all three, and to master them, everyone must understand how to relate and associate with the right people.
So, if you have a shrewd friend, who is good at making genuine money, it will also be great to have a friend who is quite good at managing money and growing money. I say this because one may be good at making money, but not so good at managing or growing it in the form of investments. That’s why in one of my teachings on ‘Money in Marriage”, I stated three cardinal rules: Whose money; who provides; and who manages.
Permit me to elaborate on these three fundamental principles. If you are married, please pay attention to what I am about to say. On whose money; as Christians, we are taught that when a man marries a woman, they are joined as one. So, I strongly believe when it comes to money in marriage, it’s not his money or her money, it’s our money. That line must be established because they are now one.
I understand this may not be convenient for everyone, especially ladies, but if couples are genuinely intentional in their marriage, they will know this is the gospel truth. If I may ask, why is it normal for a woman to spend her husband’s money, and it appears odd when a man spends his wife’s money. know that whatever is good for the goose is also good for the gander. Or did it change because of marriage?
Secondly, on who provides; it doesn’t really matter if the woman makes a billion dollars per second, but as the head of the family it’s the duty of the man to provide. Again, I understand there may be dynamics, but the facts must be established despite the associated variables. As a tip for ladies, no matter how much a lady makes, there’s this feeling of sweetness a lady normally experience whenever she spends her husband’s money, however, that analysis is not applicable to men.
Finally on money in marriage, who manages. Again, I care less about who provides, the best manager ought to manage the family’s money. So, if he makes the money but is bad at management, the wife ought to step in, and if the woman makes the money and she’s bad at management, the man ought to step in, and do the needful.
Speaking from experience, I have seen many marriages crash just because of financial mismanagement. Money matter is a serious issue that ought to be discussed before marriage, and even while in marriage to avoid springing surprises and stories that touch the heart.
Though this article is not about marriage, I also thought it nice to elaborate the role of choosing the right partner, and prove that right association really matters, especially as it relates to marriage and business. So imagine a case where an extravagant man meets a prudent lady and vice versa.
The importance of association cannot be overemphasized. In any sphere of life, whether at work, school, family, church or politics, association plays a big role. Anyone who lacks personal relationship with his fellow human beings will surely pay for it in one way or another. This is because relationships are currency. According to Robin Sharma, “the business of business is relationship, but the business of life is human connection”. This goes to show that we cannot do much in life if we don’t have the right relationship.
Even God the creator of heaven and earth, had to send this only begotten son to come in the form of a human being to die for mankind, and he did it by using the Blessed Virgin Mary. That explains that if God wants to bless a man, he sends a “man” and if the devil man wants to destroy a man, he uses a “man”. Both work in human flesh.
In my little experience of life, I have understood the importance of strategic relationships. I know for a fact, human beings are vessels of blessings and the ability to nurture human relationships is a very important skill anyone needs to learn if one intends to go far.
Most of the opportunities I have attained in life were simply because I not only understood the language of my benefactor, but also, I know how to strategically relate with them.
Furthermore, in life, one may be brilliant, skillful and confident, but if one lacks a good attitude especially as it relates to human beings, he might lose potential opportunities to people with lesser academic qualifications, who know how to relate well with people especially with a good attitude.
Again, despite one being talented with amazing gifts and skills, there’s a tendency of other people surpassing them with similar qualities and skills, so your ability to be humble to know you are not better than anyone is enough to make you learn from them.
On a personal note, as a sapiosexual, I try to associate with people better than me. I don’t care if I’m older than you or your superior in one form or another, provided I can learn from you, I will always stoop to conquer.
In another scenario, some people may not be particularly brilliant and perhaps like you, some would wish they were half as blessed as you are. One thing certain, wherever you may belong, between these two extremes, resolve today to state associating with those who are better than you, if for instance you are afflicted with self-doubt, avoid Brother Thomas, instead visit and cultivate Father Abraham the grand patriarch of the faith family.
I once took time to study great people with great businesses, and one thing I discovered is that they know how to hunt people with specialized knowledge, and also, they know how to delegate jobs to smarter people with skills, or talents while they focus on other more important strategic engagements.
Association entails more than meeting people in-person. With the invention of technology, association and relationships have really gone global. Online is now seen as the fifth estate of learning. A lot of people have gained opportunities just by commenting right on social media, while some people have lost opportunities by commenting wrong on social media.
Still on social media, a creative mind with a purpose must be intentional in following people, organizations and causes they are passionate about; the algorithm has a way of aligning people with what they see, like, and comment, and in some cases the algorithm has a way of bringing people it feels one needs to connect with based on the mutual friends or causes they share together.
Here is the deal, as you journey through life, be intentional to appreciate what you have and always make it a point of duty to associate with people who are better than you in what you do or intend to do.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
Secrets are exclusive preserves of certain individuals or institutions. They are one’s advantage over others, in the sense of ‘there’s something I know, which no one else knows. No one can ever claim that they don’t have a secret, either in the good or bad light.
Secrets therefore, exist in the family circle, business terrain, academic environment, career/professional pursuit, health management, spiritual connectivity and even in everyday personal living. It is an undeniable fact that everyone has a secret that works for them.
Let’s take a minute to discuss some of the aforementioned secrets.
Family
Every family has a secret. It will be foolhardy for anyone to disclose family secrets. Most families die with their secrets. To understand how family secrets work, imagine the Coca-Cola company. The family is said to be the only one in the world that has the formula for the beverage; a trade secret that originated with its creator, John Pemberton.
It is said that not even all family members enter the room where Coca-Cola is mixed or manufactured for fear of the secret being divulged. Imagine where spouses have access to the room and the marriage goes south, there’s a tendency that a spiteful divorced partner might leak the secret and the rest as they say is history.
There are many secrets that bind many families which only the immediate family members know. In some cases, only the parents or grandparents know. They can decide to share the secret to either the first male child, first female child or even a member of the family that one considers rational. For instance, imagine where a family is faced with a peculiar life threatening illness which ordinarily might scare anyone who wants to get married into that family, it will be stupid for anyone to spit it out, that act alone can make the intending spouse to reconsider his/her plan to marry from the family.
Business
Every business has a trade secret. Trade secrets are what makes a business unique. Every business has a unique selling point. (USP), which is a distinct benefit that sets the business or product apart from its competitors. A shrewd businessman will never leak his secret to his employees or competitors. The best his employees will know are the values, the operational systems or structures of the business and how his mindset works. But what makes the business stand out is the mystery that one will need to unravel.
Academic
Every student has a distinct trait that makes him/her succeed academically. This unique trait makes the student exceptional. For any student to succeed in their academics, he must know himself and what works for him. While some might study at night, some might study during the day, others might just listen during the lecture and understand the key points.
It’s sad to see students, who haven’t discovered who they are and what works for them following students who have discovered who they are. For example, while some students have good listening and understanding ability, and can listen to lectures and read a little and pass their examinations, some other students will have to read the course material before the lecture, listen during the lecture, read after the lecture and read thoroughly for examination before they can get a decent grade.
In some cases, they might not get the desired grade. Some students will even party hard during the day and at night they study, while some will party at night and study during the day. So, you can see that while some students have discovered themselves and what works for them, some others follow them sheepishly. Moral: Know what works for you and do what works for you because according to Oscar Wilde, “be yourself because others are taken”.
Career/Profession
Every career professional has a secret that works for them. In the same way, every industry knows what makes it stands out. The secret of what makes someone in the entertainment industry successful is quite different from what makes someone in politics or law enforcement, energy, education, legal, or health sector different. They all have different strokes, and the ability of one to do the needful in addition to playing the associated game can be the game changer.
Health
Health is a personal thing. Nobody knows you more than you know yourself. To show you how secretive and important one’s health is, it’s been said that there are three kinds of life: Public life, private life and secret life.
Your public life is the life that is generally known by everyone. It is the character we exhibit in the public space. It can also be regarded as the image perception lifestyle; we don’t generally go around revealing our health status in the public domain except where necessary. The private lifestyle; this is the kind of life only our family and close friends know.
Again, we don’t disclose such pertinent information to them only where and when necessary, then we have the secret lifestyle which only us and our creator knows. In some cases, we go to the graveyard with this. Do you see why health is a personal issue which needs to be kept in a secret place?
Personal
As mentioned earlier, everyone is unique. One of the best things that can happen to anyone is knowing themselves, and knowing what makes them different. I strongly believe we all have seeds of greatness in us. What works for Mr. A might not work for Mr. B. Like I always say, you can copy my style, but you can’t be me because imitation is a limitation.
For instance, I have unique energy and inspiration when it comes to writing. I have developed a keen interest and passion for writing. If tomorrow I become very successful or attract a unique opportunity, and someone decides to try writing to attract similar opportunities, the person might fail because God is the one that decides what opportunities come to anyone nor matter how hard someone may work.
Spiritual
This is another interesting aspect of life. Life is indeed spiritual. There’s nothing that happens physically without taking place spiritually. Everyone has a covenant point that was assigned to them at birth. Once that covenant point is touched that fellow might lose their blessings, anointing or what makes them strong.
There have been many testimonies about this. For instance, in the Bible, Samson’s touching point was his hair. He knows his power lies in his hair, that’s why Delilah tried so many times to know the secret of his strength, but Samson refused to tell her. She tried to make him drunk, but Samson still has the power. Samson repeatedly lied to Delilah about the secret of his strength, first saying it was new bowstrings, then new ropes, and finally by weaving his hair into a loom. Each time, he easily broke free, but Delilah continued to pressure him.
Weary from her constant questioning, Samson finally confessed that his strength was tied to his hair, which had never been cut because he was a Nazirite from birth. Delilah then called for a man to shave Samson’s seven locks of hair while he slept in her lap. His secret was revealed. His hair was cut. He strength was gone.
Do you see that Samson’s secret place was his hair?
In conclusion, depending on what we are working on, we all have our secret strength and place. The onus is on us to cultivate and dwell on this secret place to avoid losing power and focus.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Amid growing insecurity in different parts of the country, Niger State Governor, Umaru Bago, has urged residents to defend themselves against persistent bandit attacks.
He insisted that his administration would neither negotiate with nor pay ransom to criminals under any circumstances.
Bago made the declaration during a visit to the Rijau and Magama local government areas, where several communities were recently attacked by bandits operating from the Kontagora axis.
The governor said the State has reached a critical stage that demands collective action, warning that ransom payments would only embolden the criminals and turn kidnapping into a profitable venture.
“I will not negotiate with bandits. I will not pay ransom.
“The moment we start paying, they will open shop on our heads and continue kidnapping people,” he said.
“The situation has reached a state of war that requires collective resistance. We are surrounded by enemies, but we will not give up.
“The constitution gives us the right to defend our lives and property, and we will do just that,” the governor added.
Describing the recurring attacks and displacement of residents as “embarrassing and unacceptable,” Bago announced plans to recruit and train 10,000 personnel into the state’s joint task force to strengthen community security and restore peace.
In a statement issued by his Special Adviser on Print Media, Aisha Wakaso, the governor also announced a total ban on all mining activities across Zone C of the state.
The affected local government areas include Magama, Kontagora, Rijau, Wushishi, Mariga, Borgu, Mashegu, and Agwara.
Bago explained that illegal mining had become a major driver of insecurity in the zone, noting that many miners had unrestricted access to forest areas considered unsafe for residents.
“It is suspicious that miners can enter the forests freely, yet the bandits don’t touch them. I have ordered the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC) to arrest anyone caught engaging in mining activities,” he said.
Governor Bago also reaffirmed his administration’s commitment to ending the cycle of violence and restoring lasting peace throughout the state.
The Nigeria Police have reportedly arrested human rights activist Omoyele Sowore.
Sowore was taken into custody at the Federal High Court in Abuja.
This was revealed in a post on X by human rights lawyer Inibehe Effiong, who accused the police and President Bola Tinubu’s administration of undermining Nigeria’s judicial system.
He wrote: “The arrest of Omoyele Sowore at the Federal High Court in Abuja moments ago is preposterous.
“The police and the Tinubu regime are making a mockery of our judicial system.He should be freed immediately. Stop the shenanigans.”
Sowore had earlier posted on Facebook that he was with Kanu Agabi, the lead lawyer for Nnamdi Kanu, at the Federal High Court.
According to him, Agabi disclosed that his team would be withdrawing from the case, leaving Kanu to continue his trial without representation.
