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Food for Living: Success and the Imperatives of Setting Boundaries
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friend,
The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything – Warren Buffet.
One of the qualities of great people that ever lived on planet earth is focus. Without focus it will be difficult to get any work done. This is because when you are focused, you will define what you really want and what you don’t want. To succeed in every profession or vocation; be it academic, relationship/marriage, business, politics etc. you need to define boundaries.
The question now becomes what is boundary and how do you define boundaries? According to Psychology Today, “boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards us. The ability to know our boundaries generally comes from a healthy sense of self-worth or value for oneself in a way that is not contingent on other people or the feelings they have toward you.”
Boundaries help to define us, and states what we accept and what’s unacceptable. Boundaries can be likened to values. To understand how boundaries work, imagine a car without control; a man who has an uncontrollably anger problem; or a loose lady who has no respect for her body. Boundaries help you to protect yourself from distractions in life. As a result, every living creature needs a boundary. The simple reason we put boundary in our life is because you don’t want to accessible to just anyone.
Boundaries come in different shapes and sizes. As a rational mind, there are acceptable ways of communicating and engaging on social media. Civilized beings don’t use uncouth words. In a professional environment such as companies, organizations, institutions etc, boundaries are spelt out as a policy, rule and regulation.
When you decide to take a new route in life, it’s always good to inform those around you or your associates of your intentions, and expectations from them. They might be uncomfortable with the development, especially if it’s a radical and fundamental difference from the status quo. Those that care will respect you, while those who don’t literally value you, will show their true colour.
The advantages of creating boundaries are priceless. It gives you clarity and sanity of mind. It makes you understand what is important, and gives you a better understanding of who you are. It tells you about other people and most importantly, it defines you. Boundaries give you the ability to guard how you spend your time and resources. Setting a boundary gives you strength to say no, and to focus on what’s important. It is worthy of note as well that setting a boundary helps prevent obstacles.
It has a way of causing havoc, when boundaries are not properly set. For instance, without healthy boundaries, we can become resentful of the work we love; we can become resentful of those we love, especially if they don’t value or appreciate our time or what matters to us. As rational human beings, boundaries mean different things to us. Whenever your value is trampled upon or you feel disrespected, you are bound to react. According to an anonymous saying “Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.
When you set a boundary, communicate it to people in the best possible way whether formally or informally. Let them know your plans and intentions. For example, you let them know when you are available and when you won’t be available. You can decide to put your phone either on silent mode or better still, switch it off. Boundaries must have limits.
Boundaries help you to understand people. For example, if you don’t show people who you are and what your capacity is, they will put you through anything. Why? Because you have shown that you value nothing; nothing, not even yourself. Be advised, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything and everything.
Naturally, human beings will test your boundaries. They will push you to the wall to see your reaction. The first way of attracting disrespect as a man or woman is when you don’t show boundaries. People will literally take you for granted.
A relationship is like building a house. When you build a house, you put gates and other security gadgets to protect you, your loved ones and what you value. Relationship entails making a choice. Choice defines marriage. Your choice defines what you want, it determines what you admire in a person, what’s tolerable and intolerable and what makes you feel you are compatible with the person.
Boundaries play a role in marriage or any form of relationship. This is because your partner needs to know what you like? When people complain about their spouse, it is sometimes because their spouse is not aware of their concerns. Therefore, it’s imperative for you to communicate with your spouse. If you decide to keep quiet, how is your spouse supposed to know?
Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed as opposed to being endured. There’s a difference between endurance and tolerance. Endurance is accepting the things that cannot be changed, while tolerance is adjusting to things while hoping people will change.
If you don’t state your boundaries, it has a way of coming back at you. The reason many people get drained in life is because they are concerned about what other people will say. They wonder what will happen if they decline a request, they wonder how their friends and the world will perceive them.
In some instances, we want to look to our partners, colleagues at work, children or close allies, just because we don’t want to offend them. We fail to understand that, we might lose the relationship when the coin is flipped. We might even harm them in the long run in the process of trying to protect them. Isn’t it true you can spare the rod and spoil the child?
In some situations, we are afraid of the circumstances. For example, in a professional environment, where sexual advances are totally prohibited, a lady or a man might be afraid of setting clear boundaries to his/her boss because of the policy. Due to the retaliation which might follow suit, they might be tempted to allow their boundaries to lay low, especially when their job performance is low.
In conclusion, according to Robert Frost, “Good fences, make good neighbors.” Sacrificing ourselves therefore, for others, does more harm than good to the relationship. It is imperative to always show the green, yellow and red light where necessary. In that way, we save a lot of situations and dramas.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
The Federal High Court In Abuja on Tuesday ordered the remand of the Former Attorney-General of the Federation and Minister of Justice, Abubakar Malami (SAN), at the Kuje Correctional Centre pending the hearing and determination of their bail application.
The trial judge, Justice Emeka Nwite, also ordered the remand of his co-dedendants, his son, Abubakar Malami, and one of his wives Bashir Asabe.
Justice Nwite made the order after taking arguments from the defence team led by Joseph Daudu (SAN) and the prosecution counsel Ekele Iheneacho (SAN).
Malami and his co-defendants are facing a 16-count money laundering charge preferred against them by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission.
The EFCC alleges that the defendants conspired at various times to conceal, retain and disguise the proceeds of unlawful activities running into several billions of naira.
According to the charge, the alleged offences span several years and include the use of companies and bank accounts to launder funds, the retention of cash as collateral for loans, and the acquisition of high-value properties in Abuja, Kano and other locations.
The commission further alleges that some of the offences were committed while Malami was serving as Attorney-General of the Federation, in breach of the Money Laundering (Prohibition) Act 2011, as amended, and the Money Laundering (Prevention and Prohibition) Act 2022.
Minister of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT), Nyesom Wike, has sent a veiled message to Rivers State governor, Siminalayi Fubara, saying support for President Bola Tinubu alone will not guarantee any election ticket.
Wike made the statement on Sunday during a public outing in Emohua Local Government Area of Rivers State.
His remarks were widely seen as directed at Governor Fubara, amid lingering political crisis in the State.
The former Governor of Rivers State said political loyalty must be tested during difficult times, not after power has been secured.
He mocked those he described as late supporters of President Tinubu, insisting that sudden alignment would not earn political rewards.
He said: “So the issue is not whether you are supporting Tinubu. That one, we have taken too long, long… Yes, oh. So Tinubu’s issue is not an issue again. Yes. Do you understand me? Yes. Tinubu’s issue is that nobody should be coming here to tell a day. We are for Tinubu; I am against you. Who is for Tinubu University? (laughs) That cannot give you any ticket oh! (laughs again) Direct, direct. It will not. Direction. Direction.”
Wike stressed that his political camp stood with Tinubu when the decision was unpopular. He said that support given under pressure carries more weight than alignment after victory.
He also recalled how the Rivers State House of Assembly openly backed Tinubu early, long before the election outcome was certain.
According to him, some of those now making public declarations were absent during the critical period.
“The same people now who came to declare, put them to God… But they should declare they are saying it for a candidate. Yes. Don’t you see characters? (laughs) So I send the sword far ahead of them.”
Wike further spoke on governance and continuity. He defended projects and agreements initiated during his tenure as governor. He said it is often difficult for successors to acknowledge past efforts, even though government is a continuous process.
His comments come weeks after Governor Fubara formally aligned with the All Progressives Congress (APC), the party of President Tinubu.
The move followed months of political crisis in Rivers State, which led to federal intervention and a declaration of emergency rule.
Political watchers believe Wike’s remarks constitute a direct response to Fubara’s recent positioning as a key Tinubu ally in Rivers politics. Critics argue that Fubara’s support surfaced only after the political storm had settled.
Wike, who remains a dominant force in Rivers State politics despite serving in Abuja, appears to have drawn a clear line ahead of the 2027 elections.
He suggested that political tickets would be decided by proven loyalty, not convenience.
Videos from the event in Rumuche, Emohua, spread rapidly on social media. Many users described the speech as a coded warning to the governor.
As of press time, neither the Rivers State Government nor Wike’s media team had issued an official clarification.
The comments, however, suggest that the political rift between both camps is still active, despite earlier peace moves brokered at the national level.
The opposition African Democratic Congress and the Labour Party on Sunday criticized President Bola Tinubu for departing Nigeria for Europe on holiday at a time the country is grappling with rising insecurity, including foreign military interventions in the North.
The Presidency announced on Sunday that Tinubu left Lagos for Europe for his end-of-year holiday ahead of an official visit to Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, where he is scheduled to attend the 2026 edition of the Abu Dhabi Sustainability Week Summit.
President Tinubu’s Special Adviser on Information and Strategy, Bayo Onanuga, explained that the trip was by invitation from His Highness Sheikh Mohamed bin Zayed Al Nahyan, President of the UAE, to participate in the summit, which gathers global leaders from government, business, and civil society to advance sustainable development strategies.
“His Highness Sheikh Mohamed bin Zayed Al Nahyan, President of the United Arab Emirates, has invited President Tinubu to participate in the 2026 edition of Abu Dhabi Sustainability Week Summit, which will take place in the emirate early in January,” the statement read.
Reacting to Tinubu’s departure, the ADC, in a statement by its National Publicity Secretary, Bola Abdullahi, faulted the timing as inappropriate given the security challenges facing the country.
The ADC noted the deadly terrorist bomb blast in Zamfara and the ongoing foreign military involvement, calling the President’s move insensitive.
“President Bola Ahmed Tinubu’s lack of care is alarming. In the wake of another deadly bomb blast in Zamfara, and following an unprecedented foreign military attack on Nigerian soil, the nation is waiting for reassurance from its leader. Instead, we learn the President has gone on holiday. What a President!” Abdullahi said.
Similarly, LP’s acting National Chairman, Senator Nenadi Usman, described the trip as “insensitive and devoid of empathy” for Nigerians facing violent attacks and humanitarian crises.
Speaking through her Senior Special Adviser on Media, Ken Asogwa, she stressed that the President should have remained in the country to coordinate security responses.
“This is the most inauspicious time for the President to leave the country. Even the Christmas holiday in Lagos seems ill-timed, given that a bomb exploded in Zamfara today, killing nine people,” Usman said.
She further alleged that Nigeria was under external attack and accused the government of downplaying the severity of the situation.
“Nigeria is under attack by a foreign nation. No matter how the government tries to frame this, it is a violation of our sovereignty. This is the time for the commander-in-chief to coordinate the response, not embark on a holiday,” Usman said.
She added that the President had not convened critical security meetings since the U.S.-led bombardment of terrorist camps in Kwara and Sokoto States and condemned the perceived lack of engagement with military leadership.
The President’s trip comes amid heightened security concerns. On Thursday, U.S. President Donald Trump authorised AFRICOM to conduct airstrikes on terrorist camps in Sokoto State, hours before Nigeria’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs acknowledged the operation. A deadly bomb blast in Zamfara on Friday claimed several lives.
The 17th edition of Abu Dhabi Sustainability Week will run from January 11 to 15 at the Abu Dhabi National Exhibition Centre under the theme “The Nexus of Next: All Systems Go.”
The event aims to connect innovation, finance, and people to advance sustainable development.
Onanuga confirmed that Tinubu would return to Nigeria after the summit.
Hosted by Masdar, the UAE’s clean energy company, the summit will feature the invitation-only ADSW Summit, the World Future Energy Summit, the Zayed Sustainability Prize Awards Ceremony, and specialised sessions on hydrogen, climate finance, water security, and utilities in the Global South. Organisers expect more than 50,000 participants from over 170 countries, featuring over 700 global brands and exhibitions of emerging clean technologies.
The UAE Minister of Industry and Advanced Technology, Dr Sultan Al Jaber, noted that ADSW 2026 builds on two decades of the UAE’s leadership in renewable energy.
Tinubu previously attended the Abu Dhabi Sustainability Week in January 2025, where he held meetings with Gulf investors and officials on trade, energy cooperation, and climate finance.
Since assuming office on May 29, 2023, Tinubu has undertaken at least 46 foreign trips, spending an estimated 192 days abroad as of October 2025. In 2025 alone, he travelled internationally no fewer than 15 times to countries including Ghana, the UAE, Tanzania, France, Italy, Saint Lucia, Japan, and Brazil for summits, bilateral engagements, and holidays.
