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Food for Living: Success and the Imperatives of Setting Boundaries
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friend,
The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything – Warren Buffet.
One of the qualities of great people that ever lived on planet earth is focus. Without focus it will be difficult to get any work done. This is because when you are focused, you will define what you really want and what you don’t want. To succeed in every profession or vocation; be it academic, relationship/marriage, business, politics etc. you need to define boundaries.
The question now becomes what is boundary and how do you define boundaries? According to Psychology Today, “boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards us. The ability to know our boundaries generally comes from a healthy sense of self-worth or value for oneself in a way that is not contingent on other people or the feelings they have toward you.”
Boundaries help to define us, and states what we accept and what’s unacceptable. Boundaries can be likened to values. To understand how boundaries work, imagine a car without control; a man who has an uncontrollably anger problem; or a loose lady who has no respect for her body. Boundaries help you to protect yourself from distractions in life. As a result, every living creature needs a boundary. The simple reason we put boundary in our life is because you don’t want to accessible to just anyone.
Boundaries come in different shapes and sizes. As a rational mind, there are acceptable ways of communicating and engaging on social media. Civilized beings don’t use uncouth words. In a professional environment such as companies, organizations, institutions etc, boundaries are spelt out as a policy, rule and regulation.
When you decide to take a new route in life, it’s always good to inform those around you or your associates of your intentions, and expectations from them. They might be uncomfortable with the development, especially if it’s a radical and fundamental difference from the status quo. Those that care will respect you, while those who don’t literally value you, will show their true colour.
The advantages of creating boundaries are priceless. It gives you clarity and sanity of mind. It makes you understand what is important, and gives you a better understanding of who you are. It tells you about other people and most importantly, it defines you. Boundaries give you the ability to guard how you spend your time and resources. Setting a boundary gives you strength to say no, and to focus on what’s important. It is worthy of note as well that setting a boundary helps prevent obstacles.
It has a way of causing havoc, when boundaries are not properly set. For instance, without healthy boundaries, we can become resentful of the work we love; we can become resentful of those we love, especially if they don’t value or appreciate our time or what matters to us. As rational human beings, boundaries mean different things to us. Whenever your value is trampled upon or you feel disrespected, you are bound to react. According to an anonymous saying “Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.
When you set a boundary, communicate it to people in the best possible way whether formally or informally. Let them know your plans and intentions. For example, you let them know when you are available and when you won’t be available. You can decide to put your phone either on silent mode or better still, switch it off. Boundaries must have limits.
Boundaries help you to understand people. For example, if you don’t show people who you are and what your capacity is, they will put you through anything. Why? Because you have shown that you value nothing; nothing, not even yourself. Be advised, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything and everything.
Naturally, human beings will test your boundaries. They will push you to the wall to see your reaction. The first way of attracting disrespect as a man or woman is when you don’t show boundaries. People will literally take you for granted.
A relationship is like building a house. When you build a house, you put gates and other security gadgets to protect you, your loved ones and what you value. Relationship entails making a choice. Choice defines marriage. Your choice defines what you want, it determines what you admire in a person, what’s tolerable and intolerable and what makes you feel you are compatible with the person.
Boundaries play a role in marriage or any form of relationship. This is because your partner needs to know what you like? When people complain about their spouse, it is sometimes because their spouse is not aware of their concerns. Therefore, it’s imperative for you to communicate with your spouse. If you decide to keep quiet, how is your spouse supposed to know?
Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed as opposed to being endured. There’s a difference between endurance and tolerance. Endurance is accepting the things that cannot be changed, while tolerance is adjusting to things while hoping people will change.
If you don’t state your boundaries, it has a way of coming back at you. The reason many people get drained in life is because they are concerned about what other people will say. They wonder what will happen if they decline a request, they wonder how their friends and the world will perceive them.
In some instances, we want to look to our partners, colleagues at work, children or close allies, just because we don’t want to offend them. We fail to understand that, we might lose the relationship when the coin is flipped. We might even harm them in the long run in the process of trying to protect them. Isn’t it true you can spare the rod and spoil the child?
In some situations, we are afraid of the circumstances. For example, in a professional environment, where sexual advances are totally prohibited, a lady or a man might be afraid of setting clear boundaries to his/her boss because of the policy. Due to the retaliation which might follow suit, they might be tempted to allow their boundaries to lay low, especially when their job performance is low.
In conclusion, according to Robert Frost, “Good fences, make good neighbors.” Sacrificing ourselves therefore, for others, does more harm than good to the relationship. It is imperative to always show the green, yellow and red light where necessary. In that way, we save a lot of situations and dramas.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
A Federal High Court in Abuja has authorised the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) to arrest and detain six promoters of Crypto Bridge Exchange (CBEX) over an alleged investment fraud amounting to over one billion dollars.
Justice Emeka Nwite, who issued the order on Thursday after the EFCC’s lawyer, Fadila Yusuf, moved an ex-parte motion, stated that the detention would be pending the conclusion of the investigation into the alleged offenses and possible prosecution.
“I have listened to the submission of the learned counsel for the applicant (EFCC). I have also reviewed the affidavit evidence, including the exhibits, along with the written address. I am of the view and I so hold that the application is meritorious. Consequently, the application is granted as prayed,” the judge held.
The six suspects listed as the 1st to 6th defendants are Adefowora Abiodun Olanipekun, Adefowora Oluwanisola, Emmanuel Uko, Seyi Oloyede, Avwerosuo Otorudo, and Chukwuebuka Ehirim.
In the ex-parte motion filed on April 23 by Yusuf, the EFCC sought an order from the court to issue warrants of arrest for the defendants and an order remanding the defendants in custody pending the conclusion of the investigation into the alleged offenses and possible prosecution.
The lawyer stated four grounds for the motion, noting that the EFCC has a statutory duty to prevent and detect financial crimes through investigation. She also mentioned that there was intelligence received by the office of the commission’s chairman regarding the defendants, concerning various criminal offenses.
She said: “The defendants are at large, and a warrant of arrest is required to apprehend them for proper investigation and prosecution of this case.”
In the affidavit supporting the motion, the EFCC stated that in April 2025, it received intelligence about an alleged investment scheme fraud involving the defendants.
It was alleged that the defendants and their company, ST Technologies International Limited, in collaboration with another company, Crypto Bridge Exchange (CBEX), orchestrated the fraud. The case was assigned to the EFCC’s Cybercrimes Section for investigation.
The agency revealed that preliminary investigations into the intelligence revealed:
“That Messrs. Adefowora Abiodun Olanipekun, Adefowora Oluwanisola, Emmanuel Uko, and Seyi Oloyede, through their company, ST Technologies International Limited, promoted another company, Crypto Bridge Exchange (CBEX), by advertising and luring unsuspecting members of the public to invest in cryptocurrencies on the CBEX investment platform.”
The EFCC also stated that the defendants promised unrealistic returns of up to 100% on investments.
“That the victims were made to convert their digital assets into USDT stablecoin for deposit into the suspects’ crypto wallet.
“That the victims were initially given full access to the platform to monitor their investments. However, following deposits worth over $1 billion by the victims, the CBEX investment platform became inaccessible, and they could no longer withdraw their investments.
“That the victims later discovered that the scheme was a scam.”
During the investigation, it was discovered that although ST Technologies International Limited was registered with the Corporate Affairs Commission (CAC), it was not registered with the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) for investment purposes.
The EFCC also uncovered that the defendants had moved out of their last known addresses in Lagos and Ogun states. The agency added that a warrant of arrest was necessary to place the defendants on a red watch list so they could be traced and apprehended to face the charges against them.
According to the commission, the investigation into the allegations revealed a prima facie case of investment fraud, and it would be in the interest of justice to grant the application.
The Vice Chairman of Agege Local Government Area in Lagos State, Mr Oluwagbenga Abiola, has withdrawn his interest to vie for the chairmanship position of the LG in the upcoming July 12, 2025 council election.
Abiola said he stepped down for Abdulganiyu Obasa, son of the Speaker of the Lagos State House of Assembly, Mudashiru Obasa.
Abiola, who is a political protégé of the Speaker, says his decision was borne out of his loyalty to Obasa, denying that he was forced to step down.
Speaking to the News Agency of Nigeria on Wednesday in Lagos, Abiola affirmed his loyalty to the party and to Speaker Obasa.
Speaking to the News Agency of Nigeria on Wednesday in Lagos, Abiola reaffirmed his commitment to the party and to Speaker Obasa.
He emphasised that his withdrawal was a voluntary and conscious choice in support of Obasa’s son.
On Monday, Agege stakeholders had urged Obasa to allow his son, Abdulganiyu, to contest the council chairmanship, citing the Speaker’s significant contributions to the development of Agege and his long-standing political influence in the area.
In response to rumours that he had been pressured to withdraw, Abiola made it clear that he remained deeply appreciative of Obasa’s role in his political career.
He further pledged his full support for the Speaker’s leadership, stating that he would never act against the party’s direction or Obasa’s guidance.
“I will never go against my leader, Mudashiru Ajayi Obasa. This is the man who made me,” Abiola stated. “He appointed me Special Assistant on Media when he became Speaker in 2015.
In 2016, I was appointed Sole Administrator of Agege LGA, thanks to his recommendation to the governor. That appointment made me the youngest council boss in Lagos State at the time.
“In 2017, I became Secretary to the Local Government, and in 2021, Vice Chairman — all through the party’s and Speaker’s support. So, why would I oppose a man who built me politically and helped me grow in experience and influence?”
Although Abiola admitted to having aspired to the chairmanship, he made it clear that he respected the party’s collective decision.
“Yes, I aspired. Every Vice Chairman dreams of becoming Chairman. But the party has spoken, and I fully agree. Leaders and stakeholders have united. They’ve asked the Speaker to allow his son to contest, and I respect and support that,” he stated.
Abiola also expressed his commitment to serving the people, stating that he believed greater opportunities would come in the future.
“I trust my leader. He knows what’s best and can recommend me for even greater responsibilities when the time is right,” he said. “I’m still young and full of energy. I’ll work for the party and ensure we achieve victory.”
Abiola said he had instructed members of his Obasa Youth Alliance to fully support the party’s decision.
The West African Examinations Council has revoked the licences of 574 secondary schools in Nigeria.
WAEC announced that the affected schools were found to have committed examination malpractices.
The examination body also stated that the schools will not be allowed to conduct examinations even as the 2025 West African Senior School Certificate Examination, commences from Thursday, April 24, 2025.
This was disclosed by the Head of WAEC’s National Office, Dr. Amos Dangut, during a press briefing on Thursday at the headquarters of the examination body in Lagos.
Dangut said WAEC had forwarded the list of the affected schools to the Nigerian government.
“This year, we have shared with them a total of 574 schools that have had their recognition withdrawn, and that is also going to be the same for all examining bodies.
“So, these are those that have got their license revoked as far as the examination centre is concerned. So we will not conduct examinations there. We don’t know them as far as conducting examinations,” Dangut said.
For the forthcoming 2025 WASSCE, Dangut stated that 1,973,253 candidates registered for the examination from 23,554 schools.
He added that 979,228 males and 994,025 females would take part in the examination.
The Punch
