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Food for Living: Success and the Imperatives of Setting Boundaries
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friend,
The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything – Warren Buffet.
One of the qualities of great people that ever lived on planet earth is focus. Without focus it will be difficult to get any work done. This is because when you are focused, you will define what you really want and what you don’t want. To succeed in every profession or vocation; be it academic, relationship/marriage, business, politics etc. you need to define boundaries.
The question now becomes what is boundary and how do you define boundaries? According to Psychology Today, “boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards us. The ability to know our boundaries generally comes from a healthy sense of self-worth or value for oneself in a way that is not contingent on other people or the feelings they have toward you.”
Boundaries help to define us, and states what we accept and what’s unacceptable. Boundaries can be likened to values. To understand how boundaries work, imagine a car without control; a man who has an uncontrollably anger problem; or a loose lady who has no respect for her body. Boundaries help you to protect yourself from distractions in life. As a result, every living creature needs a boundary. The simple reason we put boundary in our life is because you don’t want to accessible to just anyone.
Boundaries come in different shapes and sizes. As a rational mind, there are acceptable ways of communicating and engaging on social media. Civilized beings don’t use uncouth words. In a professional environment such as companies, organizations, institutions etc, boundaries are spelt out as a policy, rule and regulation.
When you decide to take a new route in life, it’s always good to inform those around you or your associates of your intentions, and expectations from them. They might be uncomfortable with the development, especially if it’s a radical and fundamental difference from the status quo. Those that care will respect you, while those who don’t literally value you, will show their true colour.
The advantages of creating boundaries are priceless. It gives you clarity and sanity of mind. It makes you understand what is important, and gives you a better understanding of who you are. It tells you about other people and most importantly, it defines you. Boundaries give you the ability to guard how you spend your time and resources. Setting a boundary gives you strength to say no, and to focus on what’s important. It is worthy of note as well that setting a boundary helps prevent obstacles.
It has a way of causing havoc, when boundaries are not properly set. For instance, without healthy boundaries, we can become resentful of the work we love; we can become resentful of those we love, especially if they don’t value or appreciate our time or what matters to us. As rational human beings, boundaries mean different things to us. Whenever your value is trampled upon or you feel disrespected, you are bound to react. According to an anonymous saying “Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.
When you set a boundary, communicate it to people in the best possible way whether formally or informally. Let them know your plans and intentions. For example, you let them know when you are available and when you won’t be available. You can decide to put your phone either on silent mode or better still, switch it off. Boundaries must have limits.
Boundaries help you to understand people. For example, if you don’t show people who you are and what your capacity is, they will put you through anything. Why? Because you have shown that you value nothing; nothing, not even yourself. Be advised, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything and everything.
Naturally, human beings will test your boundaries. They will push you to the wall to see your reaction. The first way of attracting disrespect as a man or woman is when you don’t show boundaries. People will literally take you for granted.
A relationship is like building a house. When you build a house, you put gates and other security gadgets to protect you, your loved ones and what you value. Relationship entails making a choice. Choice defines marriage. Your choice defines what you want, it determines what you admire in a person, what’s tolerable and intolerable and what makes you feel you are compatible with the person.
Boundaries play a role in marriage or any form of relationship. This is because your partner needs to know what you like? When people complain about their spouse, it is sometimes because their spouse is not aware of their concerns. Therefore, it’s imperative for you to communicate with your spouse. If you decide to keep quiet, how is your spouse supposed to know?
Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed as opposed to being endured. There’s a difference between endurance and tolerance. Endurance is accepting the things that cannot be changed, while tolerance is adjusting to things while hoping people will change.
If you don’t state your boundaries, it has a way of coming back at you. The reason many people get drained in life is because they are concerned about what other people will say. They wonder what will happen if they decline a request, they wonder how their friends and the world will perceive them.
In some instances, we want to look to our partners, colleagues at work, children or close allies, just because we don’t want to offend them. We fail to understand that, we might lose the relationship when the coin is flipped. We might even harm them in the long run in the process of trying to protect them. Isn’t it true you can spare the rod and spoil the child?
In some situations, we are afraid of the circumstances. For example, in a professional environment, where sexual advances are totally prohibited, a lady or a man might be afraid of setting clear boundaries to his/her boss because of the policy. Due to the retaliation which might follow suit, they might be tempted to allow their boundaries to lay low, especially when their job performance is low.
In conclusion, according to Robert Frost, “Good fences, make good neighbors.” Sacrificing ourselves therefore, for others, does more harm than good to the relationship. It is imperative to always show the green, yellow and red light where necessary. In that way, we save a lot of situations and dramas.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
There is no gainsaying the fact that everyone desirous of making impact in life must live a life of purpose. This is where knowledge and information come to play. It is these knowledge and information that will set an individual apart from his contemporaries.
I strongly believe, if one is not informed, they are ill-informed, and when they are ill-informed, they can’t perform well in any given endeavour. This is because information leads to reformation and transformation. We can therefore, confidently say that information leads to formation because everyone is a product of what they know.
Knowledge acquisition is one of the best things that can happen to anyone. People with knowledge are revered, and highly respected. Having knowledge is like having money. People from all walks of life will seek you.
There are different kinds of knowledge, and they include Revealed Knowledge, which comes from those who wrote the Bible and Intuitive Knowledge, which comes from the mind. It is the ability to gain knowledge without conscious reason or explanation.
Others are Empirical Knowledge, which is information gained through observation, experimentation, and direct experience, rather than through theoretical reason or intuition; Authoritative Knowledge, which is the knowledge a man has because of his expertise in a particular field; and finally but not the least, Rational Knowledge, which is a form of knowledge that uses reasoning and philosophy to understand the world.
From this illustration, a decisive mind can see that knowledge is priceless. Knowledge is like education. It can provide security and access. Even the Book of life says in Proverbs 4:13, “your education is your life, guard it very well”; and in Hosea 4:6 that “my people perish for lack of knowledge”.
From my personal experience in life, apart from death, one of the greatest levelers of all time is education. This is because the child of a certified pauper can become a man of means tomorrow if properly educated. That explains why children from humble backgrounds ought to take their education very seriously, especially if they don’t have affluence.
On a personal note, I come from a very humble background, my late parents didn’t have the opportunity of acquiring a decent education, but they knew the value of education and endeavored to give me and my siblings a decent education. In retrospect, when I look back and see some of my contemporaries whose parents couldn’t give them a decent education, I bless my late parents because education has exposed me to lots of opportunities in the United States, and the global world in addition to granting me an audience with the high and mighty in society.
Sometimes, when I look at my modest achievement, I’m deeply humbled because I know it is the grace of God. Who am I to author two amazing trailblazers’ books, get featured and profiled by the New York Times, engage in high level conversation with leaders of thought and captains of industries. Apart from the grace of God, intentional seeking of knowledge, and wise counsel from mentors and strategically positioning myself have been some of the cornerstone to my success.
Imagine if my late parents didn’t give me a decent education and opportunity of travelling to the United States, most of these opportunities and exposure wouldn’t have been readily available.
When one is decently enlightened, educated and informed about life, their level of reasoning and understanding differ from an ordinary man. If one desires to go far in life, one must seek knowledge.
It is your knowledge that sets you apart from others.
According to Dr. Yomi Garnett, an accomplished Ghostwriter, “If you are a man of great knowledge, people will have great respect for you. If you are a man of great wisdom, people will have great reverence for you. And if you are a man of both, great knowledge and great wisdom, you will be the most eminent of men. But in real terms, people don’t care how much you know, or how much wisdom you have, unless they know how much you care.”
The moral of this quote is that despite the knowledge and information at one’s disposal, if one lacks empathy, their knowledge, experience and whatever they have mean nothing.
The importance of knowledge cannot be overemphasized. In our contemporary society, a fast way of attracting opportunities is by showcasing the knowledge at one’s disposal. It is so sad that many people don’t take time to read, research and learn new trends applicable in their industry, and in the world generally and as such, they find it difficult to fit in and grow.
It is instructive to note that when you seek knowledge, opportunities will seek for you. A major reason people are poor is simply because they are not solving problems and to solve problems, one ought to have understanding. Do you know that if you don’t have money, the reason is often because you are not solving a problem, or you are not solving enough problems, or you are not solving the right problem or you are not solving problems for the right people. Generally, we make money because we have something unique to offer to the world. Therefore, to solve problems, one must have knowledge and information.
We currently live in an age of technological, where skills, talent and creativity are in high demand. Any progressive being that desires to go far must be intentional in seeking knowledge. Successful acquisition of knowledge, information and understanding can lead to discernment and wisdom.
In conclusion, as you journey towards life, if you want to make an impact, seek opportunities, and earn more money, do yourself a favour by endeavoring to seek knowledge, wisdom, and information. You can’t get these by sitting on your sofa or staying in your comfort zone.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
President Bola Tinubu has approved the appointment of Daniel Bwala as Special Adviser, Media and Public Communications (State House).
Bayo Onanuga, Special Adviser to the President on Information and Strategy, announced this in a statement, on Thursday.
A former aide of former Vice-President Atiku Abubakar, candidate of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in the 2023 election, Bwala worked actively for his former principal who lost to Tinubu.
However, after the elections, he worked his way into the camp of Tinubu, sparking controversy.
Onanuga also announced the appointments of three directors-general of various agencies.
They are:
(1) Mr. Olawale Olopade — Director-General, National Sports Commission
(2) Dr. Abisoye Fagade — Director-General, National Institute for Hospitality and Tourism
(3) Dr. Adebowale Adedokun — Director-General, Bureau of Public Procurement
Olopade, the new Director-General of the National Sports Commission, is a sports administrator with many years of experience in the sector.
He served as commissioner of youth and sports in Ogun state and was chairman of the local organising committee of the 2024 National Sports Festival.
The new Director-General of the National Institute for Hospitality and Tourism, Dr. Abisoye Fagade is a marketing communication professional. He is the founder and managing director of Sodium Brand Solutions.
Adedokun, the new helmsman of the Bureau of Public Procurement, was the director of Research/Training and Strategic Planning at the bureau before his appointment.
Daily Trust
Globacom has received commendation from the Vice Chancellor of BOWEN University, Iwo, Osun State, Professor Jonathan Oyebamiji Babalola, for consistently delivering digital services to the university over the years.
This acclamation was made by Professor Babalola during a business meeting in his office at the University of Iwo in Osun State, when he hosted a team from Globacom’s Enterprise Business Group.
The VC conveyed how much he enjoyed working with Globacom and encouraged the company to keep up its uninterrupted services to the academic community.
In order to help the university fulfill its mission of creating better products and advance the frontiers of academic development, he also asked Globacom to support BOWEN University through a number of CSR initiatives.
Speaking at the meeting, Adeniyi Odejobi, the Enterprise Business Lead, Globacom, said that the company has been a major telecommunications service provider in Nigeria, providing telephony and digital solution services for millions of people across the country as well as enterprises, small and medium-sized businesses, large corporations, public sector organizations, and universities. It is also a digital solutions company.
According to Adeniyi, Glo has been at the forefront of revolutionary changes in Nigeria’s telecommunications sector for more than 20 years and is largely to be commended for democratizing the use of telephones and telephony services across the country over the years. “Because of Globacom, every Nigerian today can afford a telephone line”, he noted.
According to Adeniyi, Globacom also evolved a good number of innovations that have aided revolutionary developments in the Nigerian telecom sector, such as Globacom’s fully owned international submarine cable, Glo 1.
In order to advance the university, Adeniyi urged it to deepen its collaboration with Glo in order to offer digital services such as Glo LMS, Toll-Free Data, and Mobility services.
