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Food for Living: Success and the Imperatives of Setting Boundaries
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By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friend,
The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything – Warren Buffet.
One of the qualities of great people that ever lived on planet earth is focus. Without focus it will be difficult to get any work done. This is because when you are focused, you will define what you really want and what you don’t want. To succeed in every profession or vocation; be it academic, relationship/marriage, business, politics etc. you need to define boundaries.
The question now becomes what is boundary and how do you define boundaries? According to Psychology Today, “boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards us. The ability to know our boundaries generally comes from a healthy sense of self-worth or value for oneself in a way that is not contingent on other people or the feelings they have toward you.”
Boundaries help to define us, and states what we accept and what’s unacceptable. Boundaries can be likened to values. To understand how boundaries work, imagine a car without control; a man who has an uncontrollably anger problem; or a loose lady who has no respect for her body. Boundaries help you to protect yourself from distractions in life. As a result, every living creature needs a boundary. The simple reason we put boundary in our life is because you don’t want to accessible to just anyone.
Boundaries come in different shapes and sizes. As a rational mind, there are acceptable ways of communicating and engaging on social media. Civilized beings don’t use uncouth words. In a professional environment such as companies, organizations, institutions etc, boundaries are spelt out as a policy, rule and regulation.
When you decide to take a new route in life, it’s always good to inform those around you or your associates of your intentions, and expectations from them. They might be uncomfortable with the development, especially if it’s a radical and fundamental difference from the status quo. Those that care will respect you, while those who don’t literally value you, will show their true colour.
The advantages of creating boundaries are priceless. It gives you clarity and sanity of mind. It makes you understand what is important, and gives you a better understanding of who you are. It tells you about other people and most importantly, it defines you. Boundaries give you the ability to guard how you spend your time and resources. Setting a boundary gives you strength to say no, and to focus on what’s important. It is worthy of note as well that setting a boundary helps prevent obstacles.
It has a way of causing havoc, when boundaries are not properly set. For instance, without healthy boundaries, we can become resentful of the work we love; we can become resentful of those we love, especially if they don’t value or appreciate our time or what matters to us. As rational human beings, boundaries mean different things to us. Whenever your value is trampled upon or you feel disrespected, you are bound to react. According to an anonymous saying “Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.
When you set a boundary, communicate it to people in the best possible way whether formally or informally. Let them know your plans and intentions. For example, you let them know when you are available and when you won’t be available. You can decide to put your phone either on silent mode or better still, switch it off. Boundaries must have limits.
Boundaries help you to understand people. For example, if you don’t show people who you are and what your capacity is, they will put you through anything. Why? Because you have shown that you value nothing; nothing, not even yourself. Be advised, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything and everything.
Naturally, human beings will test your boundaries. They will push you to the wall to see your reaction. The first way of attracting disrespect as a man or woman is when you don’t show boundaries. People will literally take you for granted.
A relationship is like building a house. When you build a house, you put gates and other security gadgets to protect you, your loved ones and what you value. Relationship entails making a choice. Choice defines marriage. Your choice defines what you want, it determines what you admire in a person, what’s tolerable and intolerable and what makes you feel you are compatible with the person.
Boundaries play a role in marriage or any form of relationship. This is because your partner needs to know what you like? When people complain about their spouse, it is sometimes because their spouse is not aware of their concerns. Therefore, it’s imperative for you to communicate with your spouse. If you decide to keep quiet, how is your spouse supposed to know?
Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed as opposed to being endured. There’s a difference between endurance and tolerance. Endurance is accepting the things that cannot be changed, while tolerance is adjusting to things while hoping people will change.
If you don’t state your boundaries, it has a way of coming back at you. The reason many people get drained in life is because they are concerned about what other people will say. They wonder what will happen if they decline a request, they wonder how their friends and the world will perceive them.
In some instances, we want to look to our partners, colleagues at work, children or close allies, just because we don’t want to offend them. We fail to understand that, we might lose the relationship when the coin is flipped. We might even harm them in the long run in the process of trying to protect them. Isn’t it true you can spare the rod and spoil the child?
In some situations, we are afraid of the circumstances. For example, in a professional environment, where sexual advances are totally prohibited, a lady or a man might be afraid of setting clear boundaries to his/her boss because of the policy. Due to the retaliation which might follow suit, they might be tempted to allow their boundaries to lay low, especially when their job performance is low.
In conclusion, according to Robert Frost, “Good fences, make good neighbors.” Sacrificing ourselves therefore, for others, does more harm than good to the relationship. It is imperative to always show the green, yellow and red light where necessary. In that way, we save a lot of situations and dramas.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
The Nigeria Democratic Congress (NDC) presidential candidate for 2027 general elections, Peter Obi, says that Nigerians across all walks of life are suffering under President Bola Tinubu’s administration due to worsening hunger, widespread insecurity, and systemic harassment.
Speaking with journalists at St Fintan’s Catholic Church in Onicha Local Government Area, Ebonyi State, on Friday, Obi urged citizens to stand firm and resist further hardship imposed by the country’s current leadership.
Obi was in Ebonyi State to attend the burial ceremony of Okaji Okorie, father of the NDC senatorial candidate for the Ebonyi South Zone, Linus Okorie. Responding to questions regarding the alleged harassment of NDC supporters by the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC), Obi said that the current hardship transcends political affiliations.
“For me, every Nigerian is already being harassed, not just my supporters,” Obi said. “Hunger is harassing everybody. The worsening economic situation is affecting everyone. Go to any village, and you will see that people are suffering. It is time for Nigerians to tell those governing us that enough is enough.”
Addressing concerns over the Independent National Electoral Commission’s (INEC) ability to conduct free and fair elections in 2027, Obi urged citizens to focus on collective action rather than institutional trust.
“It is not really about confidence in INEC; it is about having confidence in the people. The people will determine what INEC does. If Nigerians insist that their votes must count, then their votes will count,” he asserted.
“The people should look at what is happening in Nigeria and ask themselves: What is the future of our children in this enterprise called Nigeria? Are we going to continue in this direction?”
Obi noted that advocating for real change in the current political climate requires tremendous courage.
“Anyone talking about change in Nigeria today is making the ultimate sacrifice because we cannot continue like this. Every single day, poverty is increasing; every single day, hunger is increasing,” he noted.
“The World Bank recently reported that poverty has risen to almost 79 per cent from about 51 per cent when this government came into office. But you do not even need a World Bank report to know what is happening. Go to the villages and see for yourself.”
“Millions more Nigerians are facing hunger. So, what are we going to do about it? Are we going to continue like this? No.”
Turning to his host, Obi described Okorie as a steadfast ally and dependable partner, highlighting their shared political journey across party lines.
“This is not the first time Hon. Linus Okorie and I are working together. We worked together in the Labour Party, and now we are together in the NDC. That underscores the strength of our relationship,” Obi said.
“However, we are here today to pay our last respects to his late father. We pray that God Almighty, who blessed Papa with a long and fruitful life, will grant him eternal rest in His kingdom and give the family the fortitude to bear this irreparable loss.”
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
The beginning of any journey is usually the hardest part. It is usually hard to take the bold step. Whether you are applying for a job, writing a book, starting a new business, getting married or even applying for school, there’s always the tendency to ask yourself mind-boggling questions such as; Will I succeed? Will I be accepted? This is among many others.
When progressive minds encounter this challenge, they are not afraid of taking the first step, they are merely concerned about the big picture, and not what they are currently experiencing. One of the big differences between great people and lesser minds is the ability for great people to take strategic risks, while lesser minds stay in their comfort zone.
On a personal note, I can relate to the journey of greatness when I began writing my first book. In all sincerity, I didn’t know what I was writing. All I knew was that I was putting down whatever comes to my mind provided I found it reasonable and relatable. At the end of the day, I found a proficient and efficient editor who was kind enough to work on the book and it became a trailblazer.
The moral is that I doubted myself many times if I had the capacity to write a book. I was literally afraid of beginning, but immediately I began writing, the universe began to conspire with me to make the work fruitful. Today, when I look back, I’m glad I took the bold step. I say this because just because of one book, I received national and global attention in addition to appearing on television and meeting gatekeepers and resource people.
The same principle is applicable when I began my first business. I didn’t know what to focus on and how to develop bossiness. All I knew was that I’m a motivator and counselor who likes to help youths and career professionals on proactive ways to succeed in their personal and professional lives. After attending a series of training courses, workshops, webinars, and several conferences, I began to have clarity about my business. I remember when I first started, I told the world that I can build a website just because my uncle assisted in using a free tool to build my website.
Why am I sharing this information? The same business I didn’t know how to structure is now registered with the highest certification from the Office of the Governor of New York to do business with any New York City agency. It now has a Chief Operating Officer, Social media manager, IT personnel and an exceptional Director of Partnership who works as a consultant. The company has also partnered with the United Nations Development Programme and has received awards.
All this is because I took the bold step to start a business. Sometimes in life, you don’t know what lies ahead when one takes the bold step.
According to Dr. Yomi Garnet, a proficient Ghost Writer, “If a book is tiled A synopsis of successful living were to be written, it would in all probability contain the following chapters:
1. Identify your talents, (use then to glory God and to benefit of humanity)
2. Have faith in the favor of God,
3. Engage in proper planning
4. 10% belongs to God
5. Give, give and keep in giving
Let’s take a minute to elaborate on this chapter:
1. Identify your talent: Before you begin any project, one must know who they are, what they have and what problems they want to solve. They also must take into consideration whether they have the capacity, competence and capability of doing the business. One thing is certain, they are using their skills, talent, and knowledge to solve a problem
2. Have faith in God:
Taking the first step entails having faith in yourself, in your business and most importantly in God. Without faith in oneself, in the business and in God, it will be difficult for one to succeed. Taking the first set entails believing in the possibility of the future.
3. Engaging in Proper planning:
It’s instructive to note that failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Before anyone begins any task, it’s important for one to sit back and ask oneself if they have all they need to set up the business. This entails setting up a structure for the business, getting the right people, offering services and setting up the mission and vision statement of the company
4. 10% belongs to God
This is Biblical instruction which is part of the spiritual blessings of doing business. No one succeeds on their own. They either have an altar working for them or they have human beings as networks, benefactors, and resource persons recommending them for opportunities. Alternatively, these acts of tithe giving can also refer to Corporate Social Responsibility which is tantamount to giving back to society.
5. Give, give and keep giving.
This is another spiritual blessing. We are quite familiar with the saying, the giver never lacks, however, it’s important to note that when one gives without wisdom and accountability, one might run dry. So, it’s imperatively important for one to give with discretion, otherwise, one will be exhausted. It’s instructive to note that nobody receives with a clenched fist and the giver’s hand is always on top. If you want to receive it, please give. This giving aspect is made possible because someone took the first step to start a business which made it possible for the art of giving to take place.
In conclusion, if you desire to start a business, or have inspiration, just start, the universe has a way of conspiring with the world to support you to birth your passion, idea or vision. I say this because the worst you’ll want to do towards the end of life is to live in regret. So, I say, just begin. Whether you fail, it’s irrelevant because you are gaining and showing perseverance for the cause you believe in. At the end of theer day, we shall all tell our stories.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design, Unleash Your Destiny and The Six Pillars of Succes . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
The Supreme Court has prohibited lawyers, court registrars, litigation staff and all legal practitioners dealing with the apex court from using the title “Barrister” as a prefix to their names in official correspondence and court-related engagements.
The directive was conveyed in an internal circular dated July 13, 2026, issued by the Chief Registrar of the Supreme Court, Kabir E. Akanbi, on the instruction of the Chief Justice of Nigeria.
The circular, titled “Prohibition of the Use of the Title ‘Barrister’ as a Prefix to Names,” was addressed to legal practitioners, litigation staff, court registrars and other lawyers interacting with the apex court.
According to the memo, the continued use of the title “Barrister” before names is inconsistent with the professional standards expected in official dealings with the Supreme Court.
It stated that the Chief Justice had directed that the practice be discontinued with immediate effect.
Part of the circular reads: “The use of the title ‘Barrister’ as a prefix to names is inappropriate and inconsistent with the standards of professionalism expected within the Supreme Court of Nigeria.”
The court further directed that the title should no longer appear in official correspondence, court processes, legal documents, identity materials or any other official communication with the Supreme Court.
Heads of departments and unit heads were also instructed to ensure strict compliance by officers under their supervision.
However, the directive is limited to official interactions with the Supreme Court and does not prevent legal practitioners from identifying themselves as barristers in academic, professional or other non-court-related settings.
