Connect with us

News

Food for Living: Success and the Imperatives of Setting Boundaries

Published

on

By Henry Ukazu

Dear Destiny Friend,

The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything – Warren Buffet.

One of the qualities of great people that ever lived on planet earth is focus. Without focus it will be difficult to get any work done. This is because when you are focused, you will define what you really want and what you don’t want. To succeed in every profession or vocation; be it academic, relationship/marriage, business, politics etc. you need to define boundaries.

The question now becomes what is boundary and how do you define boundaries? According to Psychology Today, “boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards us. The ability to know our boundaries generally comes from a healthy sense of self-worth or value for oneself in a way that is not contingent on other people or the feelings they have toward you.”

Boundaries help to define us, and states what we accept and what’s unacceptable. Boundaries can be likened to values. To understand how boundaries work, imagine a car without control; a man who has an uncontrollably anger problem; or a loose lady who has no respect for her body. Boundaries help you to protect yourself from distractions in life. As a result, every living creature needs a boundary. The simple reason we put boundary in our life is because you don’t want to accessible to just anyone.

Boundaries come in different shapes and sizes. As a rational mind, there are acceptable ways of communicating and engaging on social media. Civilized beings don’t use uncouth words. In a professional environment such as companies, organizations, institutions etc, boundaries are spelt out as a policy, rule and regulation.

When you decide to take a new route in life, it’s always good to inform those around you or your associates of your intentions, and expectations from them. They might be uncomfortable with the development, especially if it’s a radical and fundamental difference from the status quo. Those that care will respect you, while those who don’t literally value you, will show their true colour.

The advantages of creating boundaries are priceless. It gives you clarity and sanity of mind. It makes you understand what is important, and gives you a better understanding of who you are. It tells you about other people and most importantly, it defines you. Boundaries give you the ability to guard how you spend your time and resources. Setting a boundary gives you strength to say no, and to focus on what’s important. It is worthy of note as well that setting a boundary helps prevent obstacles.

It has a way of causing havoc, when boundaries are not properly set. For instance, without healthy boundaries, we can become resentful of the work we love; we can become resentful of those we love, especially if they don’t  value or appreciate our time or what matters to us. As rational human beings, boundaries mean different things to us. Whenever your value is trampled upon or you feel disrespected, you are bound to react.  According to an anonymous saying “Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.

When you set a boundary, communicate it to people in the best possible way whether formally or informally. Let them know your plans and intentions. For example, you let them know when you are available and when you won’t be available. You can decide to put your phone either on silent mode or better still, switch it off. Boundaries must have limits.

Boundaries help you to understand people. For example, if you don’t show people who you are and what your capacity is, they will put you through anything. Why? Because you have shown that you value nothing; nothing, not even yourself. Be advised, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything and everything.

Naturally, human beings will test your boundaries. They will push you to the wall to see your reaction. The first way of attracting disrespect as a man or woman is when you don’t show boundaries. People will literally take you for granted.

A relationship is like building a house. When you build a house, you put gates and other security gadgets to protect you, your loved ones and what you value.  Relationship entails making a choice. Choice defines marriage. Your choice defines what you want, it determines what you admire in a person, what’s tolerable and intolerable and what makes you feel you are compatible with the person.

Boundaries play a role in marriage or any form of relationship. This is because your partner needs to know what you like? When people complain about their spouse, it is sometimes because their spouse is not aware of their concerns. Therefore, it’s imperative for you to communicate with your spouse. If you decide to keep quiet, how is your spouse supposed to know?

Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed as opposed to being endured. There’s a difference between endurance and tolerance. Endurance is accepting the things that cannot be changed, while tolerance is adjusting to things while hoping people will change.

If you don’t state your boundaries, it has a way of coming back at you. The reason many people get drained in life is because they are concerned about what other people will say. They wonder what will happen if they decline a request, they wonder how their friends and the world will perceive them.

In some instances, we want to look to our partners, colleagues at work, children or close allies, just because we don’t want to offend them. We fail to understand that, we might lose the relationship when the coin is flipped. We might even harm them in the long run in the process of trying to protect them. Isn’t it true you can spare the rod and spoil the child?

In some situations, we are afraid of the circumstances. For example, in a professional environment, where sexual advances are totally prohibited, a lady or a man might be afraid of setting clear boundaries to his/her boss because of the policy. Due to the retaliation which might follow suit, they might be tempted to allow their boundaries to lay low, especially when their job performance is low.

In conclusion, according to Robert Frost, “Good fences, make good neighbors.” Sacrificing ourselves therefore, for others, does more harm than good to the relationship. It is imperative to always show the green, yellow and red light where necessary. In that way, we save a lot of situations and dramas.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a  public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Continue Reading
Advertisement


Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

News

Okuama Massacre: Military Declares Eight Persons Wanted

Published

on

The Defence Headquarters has declared eight persons wanted over their roles in the recent killing of 17 military personnel in Delta State.

The military released the list on Thursday at a briefing in Abuja.

Those declared wanted are Prof. Ekpekpo Arthur, Andaowei Dennis Bakriri, Akevwru Daniel Omotegbo (Aka Amagben), Akata Malawa David, Sinclear Oliki, Clement Ikolo Oghenerukeywe, Reuben Baru, and Igoli Ebi.

During the briefing, the Director, Defence Media Operations, Major General Edward Buba, called on Nigerians especially residents of Delta and adjoining states to assist the military with credible information that would lead to the arrest of eight persons allegedly responsible for the killing of seventeen soldiers in Okuama community in Delta State.

General Buba says the military remains determined to fish out the perpetrators of the heinous act in Delta State, reaffirming its commitment to rescue all kidnapped and abducted victims in Nigeria.

Continue Reading

News

Army Buries 17 Personnel Killed in Okuama Community

Published

on

The 17 military personnel killed in Okuama community in Delta on March 14 have been laid to rest.

The corpses of the soldiers, which arrived at the National Military Cemetery in Abuja at about 2:26 pm on Wednesday, were committed to mother death after burial rites were observed.

President Bola Tinubu, Service Chiefs and other dignitaries were in attendance at the burial ceremony.

DAILY POST recalls that the troops of 181 Amphibious Batallion, Bomadi Local Government Area of Delta State, while on a peace mission to Okuoma Community were ambushed and killed by some irate youths.

The incident occurred when the troops responded to a distress call following a communal crisis between Okuoma and Okoloba communities in Delta State.

The personnel comprised one Lieutenant Colonel, two Majors, one Captain and 13 soldiers.

The officers are Commanding Officer 181 Amphibious Battalion, Lt. Col. A.H Ali; Maj S.D Shafa (N/13976); Maj D.E Obi (N/14395) and Capt U Zakari (N/16348).

The soldiers are SSgt Yahaya Saidu (#3NA/36/2974); Cpl Yahaya Danbaba (1ONA/65/7274); Cpl Kabiru Bashir (11NA/66/9853); LCpl Bulus Haruna (16NA/TS/5844); LCpl Sola Opeyemi (17NA/760719); and LCpl Bello Anas (17NA/76/290).

They also include LCpl Hamman Peter (NA/T82653); LCpl Ibrahim Abdullahi (18NA/77/1191); Pte Alhaji Isah (17NA/76/6079); Pte Clement Francis (19NA/78/0911); Pte Abubakar Ali (19NA/78/2162); Pte Ibrahim Adamu (19NA/78/6079) and Pte Adamu Ibrahim (21NA/80/4795).

DailyPost

Continue Reading

News

FrieslandCampina Unveils Value4Dairy Consortium, Targets 50,000 Milk Producers

Published

on

FrieslandCampina WAMCO, makers of fine quality dairy products, has, in a bid to ensure a transformative journey in the Nigerian dairy sector, inaugurated the latest Value4Dairy Consortium project. The project is aimed at discovering 50,000 milk producers from three regions of the country.

Held at the International Institute of Tropical Agriculture (IITA) in Ibadan, Oyo State, on March 19, 2024, the event signals a significant leap forward for Nigeria’s dairy industry.

Co-funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, this project represents a substantial investment in Nigeria’s dairy sector. It aims to boost small-scale milk production and promote sustainability across three dairy zones in Oyo, Osun, and Abuja. The inauguration ceremony brought together government officials, industry leaders, farmers, and key stakeholders to celebrate this groundbreaking initiative.

These self-sustaining dairy zones will not only facilitate milk aggregation but also provide essential resources and training to enhance productivity sustainably. Led by FrieslandCampina WAMCO, the Consortium will leverage cutting-edge advancements in feed, breeding, and sustainable farming practices to uplift local farmers and drive economic prosperity across the sector. Through strategic interventions, the Consortium aims to empower 10,000 pastoralists and smallholders initially, with plans for expansion to include 40,000 milk producers in subsequent years.

The project’s impact transcends mere dairy production, encompassing broader societal benefits such as improved food security, heightened nutrition, and reduced conflicts between herders and farmers. Embracing a gender-intentional approach, the programme also includes dedicated initiatives to empower women and foster inclusive growth.

At the Inauguration Ceremony, Mrs. Winnie Lai-Solarin, Director of Animal Husbandry Services at the Federal Ministry of Agriculture and Food Security, delivered a compelling address on behalf of the Honourable Minister of Agriculture and Food Security, Senator Abubakar Kyari. In her speech, Mrs. Lai-Solarin emphasized the profound significance of the Value4Dairy Consortium project in Nigeria’s agricultural landscape.

Highlighting the project’s potential to enhance food security and uplift rural communities, Mrs. Lai-Solarin commended FrieslandCampina WAMCO for its dedication to driving progress within the Dairy Value Chain. She underscored the company’s commitment to implementing impactful programs aimed at accelerating development and fostering sustainability in the sector.

Mr. Roger Adou, Managing Director of FrieslandCampina WAMCO Nigeria PLC, expressed his enthusiasm, stating, “We are immensely proud to embark on this transformative journey, expanding our dairy development footprints in Nigeria. Through collaborative efforts and innovative strategies with our Value4Dairy partners, we are unwavering in our commitment to driving economic prosperity and empowering communities nationwide.”

Launched in April 2021, the Value4Dairy Consortium is a collaboration of four strategic partners with expertise in various agri-related value chains: FrieslandCampina WAMCO (a subsidiary of FrieslandCampina and Nigeria’s leading dairy company); URUS (a global leader in artificial insemination, genetics, and herd management systems), Barenbrug (a leading grass and forage seed company), and Agrifirm (a global company that operates in the animal nutrition and crop farming business).

Through various initiatives, including the Value4Dairy Consortium and the Center for Nigeria Dutch Dairy Development (CNDDD), as well as partnerships with academic institutions, FrieslandCampina WAMCO is actively engaged in shaping the future of dairy development in Nigeria.

Continue Reading