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Food for Living: Success and the Imperatives of Setting Boundaries
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By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friend,
The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything – Warren Buffet.
One of the qualities of great people that ever lived on planet earth is focus. Without focus it will be difficult to get any work done. This is because when you are focused, you will define what you really want and what you don’t want. To succeed in every profession or vocation; be it academic, relationship/marriage, business, politics etc. you need to define boundaries.
The question now becomes what is boundary and how do you define boundaries? According to Psychology Today, “boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards us. The ability to know our boundaries generally comes from a healthy sense of self-worth or value for oneself in a way that is not contingent on other people or the feelings they have toward you.”
Boundaries help to define us, and states what we accept and what’s unacceptable. Boundaries can be likened to values. To understand how boundaries work, imagine a car without control; a man who has an uncontrollably anger problem; or a loose lady who has no respect for her body. Boundaries help you to protect yourself from distractions in life. As a result, every living creature needs a boundary. The simple reason we put boundary in our life is because you don’t want to accessible to just anyone.
Boundaries come in different shapes and sizes. As a rational mind, there are acceptable ways of communicating and engaging on social media. Civilized beings don’t use uncouth words. In a professional environment such as companies, organizations, institutions etc, boundaries are spelt out as a policy, rule and regulation.
When you decide to take a new route in life, it’s always good to inform those around you or your associates of your intentions, and expectations from them. They might be uncomfortable with the development, especially if it’s a radical and fundamental difference from the status quo. Those that care will respect you, while those who don’t literally value you, will show their true colour.
The advantages of creating boundaries are priceless. It gives you clarity and sanity of mind. It makes you understand what is important, and gives you a better understanding of who you are. It tells you about other people and most importantly, it defines you. Boundaries give you the ability to guard how you spend your time and resources. Setting a boundary gives you strength to say no, and to focus on what’s important. It is worthy of note as well that setting a boundary helps prevent obstacles.
It has a way of causing havoc, when boundaries are not properly set. For instance, without healthy boundaries, we can become resentful of the work we love; we can become resentful of those we love, especially if they don’t value or appreciate our time or what matters to us. As rational human beings, boundaries mean different things to us. Whenever your value is trampled upon or you feel disrespected, you are bound to react. According to an anonymous saying “Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.
When you set a boundary, communicate it to people in the best possible way whether formally or informally. Let them know your plans and intentions. For example, you let them know when you are available and when you won’t be available. You can decide to put your phone either on silent mode or better still, switch it off. Boundaries must have limits.
Boundaries help you to understand people. For example, if you don’t show people who you are and what your capacity is, they will put you through anything. Why? Because you have shown that you value nothing; nothing, not even yourself. Be advised, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything and everything.
Naturally, human beings will test your boundaries. They will push you to the wall to see your reaction. The first way of attracting disrespect as a man or woman is when you don’t show boundaries. People will literally take you for granted.
A relationship is like building a house. When you build a house, you put gates and other security gadgets to protect you, your loved ones and what you value. Relationship entails making a choice. Choice defines marriage. Your choice defines what you want, it determines what you admire in a person, what’s tolerable and intolerable and what makes you feel you are compatible with the person.
Boundaries play a role in marriage or any form of relationship. This is because your partner needs to know what you like? When people complain about their spouse, it is sometimes because their spouse is not aware of their concerns. Therefore, it’s imperative for you to communicate with your spouse. If you decide to keep quiet, how is your spouse supposed to know?
Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed as opposed to being endured. There’s a difference between endurance and tolerance. Endurance is accepting the things that cannot be changed, while tolerance is adjusting to things while hoping people will change.
If you don’t state your boundaries, it has a way of coming back at you. The reason many people get drained in life is because they are concerned about what other people will say. They wonder what will happen if they decline a request, they wonder how their friends and the world will perceive them.
In some instances, we want to look to our partners, colleagues at work, children or close allies, just because we don’t want to offend them. We fail to understand that, we might lose the relationship when the coin is flipped. We might even harm them in the long run in the process of trying to protect them. Isn’t it true you can spare the rod and spoil the child?
In some situations, we are afraid of the circumstances. For example, in a professional environment, where sexual advances are totally prohibited, a lady or a man might be afraid of setting clear boundaries to his/her boss because of the policy. Due to the retaliation which might follow suit, they might be tempted to allow their boundaries to lay low, especially when their job performance is low.
In conclusion, according to Robert Frost, “Good fences, make good neighbors.” Sacrificing ourselves therefore, for others, does more harm than good to the relationship. It is imperative to always show the green, yellow and red light where necessary. In that way, we save a lot of situations and dramas.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
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ADC Unveils Presidential Campaign Council, Names Ibrahim-Imam As Chairman, Dele Momodu As Head, Media/Publicity
The African Democratic Congress (ADC), has unveiled its Presidential Campaign Council for the 2027 election, describing the structure as “lean” in response to the economic realities facing Nigerians.
The council, approved by the party’s presidential candidate, former Vice President Atiku Abubakar, will be chaired by Kashim Ibrahim-Imam, with former Kaduna State Governor, Nasir El-Rufai, serving as Deputy Chairman.
Senator Austin Akobundu will serve as Director-General and Campaign Manager, with responsibility for translating the campaign’s strategy into coordinated action.
The council will have six Deputy Directors-General overseeing various operational directorates, while 30 directors have been assigned specific responsibilities.
In a statement on Thursday, Phrank Shaibu, Director of Strategic Communication of the ADC Presidential Campaign Council and Senior Special Assistant on Public Communication to Atiku, said the structure was deliberately kept “lean” to reflect the economic circumstances confronting Nigerians.
“When families are struggling with food prices, transport costs and shrinking incomes, a campaign asking for their trust must show discipline in how it operates,” Shaibu said.
Dele Momodu will head the Media and Communications Directorate, while Dino Melaye will lead Contact and Mobilisation.
Mohammed Hayatudeen will chair the Policy Team, working with Professor Mohammed Sagagi and other members, including Professor Kingsley Moghalu, while Chief John Oyegun will chair the Campaign Advisory Board.
Shaibu said the campaign structure was designed to be focused on work, with clearly defined responsibilities for every directorate and assignment for every director.
“Our measure of success will be how clearly we address the cost of living, unemployment, insecurity and declining purchasing power—and how effectively we organise to make Nigeria affordable again,” he said.
The council is expected to coordinate the ADC’s presidential campaign activities ahead of the 2027 general election.
President Bola Tinubu has extended his “working vacation” in Europe by a few days and is expected to return to Nigeria at the weekend, the Presidency said on Monday.
The announcement came as Vice President Kashim Shettima represents the President at the 81st United Nations General Assembly in New York, where he is scheduled to deliver Nigeria’s national statement.
Tinubu departed Nigeria on August 30 to begin his working vacation in London. After spending one week in the United Kingdom, he proceeded to Paris, France, where he held meetings with French President Emmanuel Macron and businessman Vincent Bolloré.
Bolloré’s media interests include Canal+, MultiChoice and Universal Music Group.
A statement signed on Monday by Bayo Onanuga, Special Adviser to the President on Information and Strategy, said Tinubu has remains in touch with developments at home and continued to direct the affairs of government despite being away from Nigeria.
One of the major decisions taken by the President during the period was his directive for an independent investigation into the deaths of 37 suspected illegal miners in Minna following their detention by the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps.
The deaths had raised concerns over the circumstances surrounding the detention and treatment of the miners, prompting the President to order an independent probe.
Tinubu’s decision to extend his stay abroad means he will not personally attend the opening of the high-level segment of the UN General Assembly in New York. Shettima, who departed Abuja on September 20, is representing the President at the global gathering and will present Nigeria’s national statement.
The Presidency said the Vice President’s representation was part of the arrangements for Tinubu’s absence from the country.
With Shettima now in New York, the Secretary to the Government of the Federation, Senator George Akume, will continue to represent the President at some official functions.
The Presidency said Tinubu had also delegated the Vice President to represent him at official functions while he was away, while Akume had similarly stepped in at other engagements.
The President’s extended stay in Europe also comes amid increased political activities at home ahead of the 2027 general elections.
According to the Presidency, the Director-General of the Presidential Campaign Council, Senator Abubakar Yari, has been leading notable leaders of the ruling party in consultations with prominent traditional rulers across the country.
The consultations form part of ongoing political engagements as the administration moves towards the next electoral cycle.
The Presidency also reacted strongly to criticism over Tinubu’s decision not to attend the UN General Assembly personally.
It described as irresponsible what it called a “baseless insinuation” by former Vice President Atiku Abubakar and a United States-based lobbying firm headed by an ex-convict regarding the President’s non-attendance at the global gathering.
The Presidency maintained that Nigeria would be adequately represented by Shettima, who will deliver the country’s national statement.
Tinubu’s latest trip began as an official working vacation, during which the President combined his leave with selected diplomatic, business and governmental engagements.
His meeting with Macron in Paris provided an opportunity for discussions on bilateral relations, while his engagement with Bolloré focused on business and investment interests involving Nigeria.
Former Vice President Atiku Abubakar has urged President Bola Tinubu to take immediate steps to reduce the cost of petrol, saying Nigerians are struggling with the combined impact of high energy, transportation and food prices.
Atiku made the call on Friday in Abuja during a press briefing on fuel prices, palliatives and the rising cost of living. His comments came amid renewed concerns over the effect of higher petrol prices on households and businesses.
The African Democratic Congress (ADC) presidential candidate said the removal of petrol subsidy in May 2023 placed additional pressure on families, workers, farmers and businesses.
He said the effect of higher petrol prices was not limited to motorists, as increased transportation and logistics costs had also pushed up the prices of food and other essential goods.
“When government makes energy expensive, it makes life expensive,” Atiku said.
The former vice president recalled that he had previously called for government intervention to reduce petrol prices, but said Tinubu had dismissed the proposal as showing “serious ignorance” of governance and the economy.
Atiku questioned whether the Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC), petroleum marketers, manufacturers and ordinary Nigerians who had raised concerns about rising costs could all be described as ignorant.
“When workers, producers, marketers and ordinary families are all raising the alarm, government must listen,” he said.
He said the government should be prepared to review its policies when their consequences become difficult for citizens to bear, adding that rising production costs were putting further pressure on manufacturers while families were finding it harder to afford basic goods.
Atiku also argued that government revenue and GDP figures did not necessarily reflect the economic reality facing ordinary Nigerians.
“If government receives more Naira while the citizen’s naira buys less food, less fuel, less electricity and less transportation, then bigger government revenues mean little to the family struggling to survive,” he said.
The ADC candidate urged Tinubu to use the remaining eight months of his first term to reduce the burden on Nigerians and consider any measure capable of lowering petrol prices, even if the proposal came from a political opponent.
“What matters to me is that Nigerians pay less,” Atiku said. “A sensible idea does not become a bad idea because it came from your opponent.”
He also offered to make his policy framework available to the Tinubu administration, saying Nigerians should not have to wait for a new government before benefiting from policies that could provide relief.
“If you need the framework, I will provide it. Implement it under your government. Give it whatever name you choose. Take the credit,” he said.
“I ask for only one thing: Let Nigerians breathe.”
