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Food for Living: Success and the Imperatives of Setting Boundaries
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By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friend,
The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything – Warren Buffet.
One of the qualities of great people that ever lived on planet earth is focus. Without focus it will be difficult to get any work done. This is because when you are focused, you will define what you really want and what you don’t want. To succeed in every profession or vocation; be it academic, relationship/marriage, business, politics etc. you need to define boundaries.
The question now becomes what is boundary and how do you define boundaries? According to Psychology Today, “boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards us. The ability to know our boundaries generally comes from a healthy sense of self-worth or value for oneself in a way that is not contingent on other people or the feelings they have toward you.”
Boundaries help to define us, and states what we accept and what’s unacceptable. Boundaries can be likened to values. To understand how boundaries work, imagine a car without control; a man who has an uncontrollably anger problem; or a loose lady who has no respect for her body. Boundaries help you to protect yourself from distractions in life. As a result, every living creature needs a boundary. The simple reason we put boundary in our life is because you don’t want to accessible to just anyone.
Boundaries come in different shapes and sizes. As a rational mind, there are acceptable ways of communicating and engaging on social media. Civilized beings don’t use uncouth words. In a professional environment such as companies, organizations, institutions etc, boundaries are spelt out as a policy, rule and regulation.
When you decide to take a new route in life, it’s always good to inform those around you or your associates of your intentions, and expectations from them. They might be uncomfortable with the development, especially if it’s a radical and fundamental difference from the status quo. Those that care will respect you, while those who don’t literally value you, will show their true colour.
The advantages of creating boundaries are priceless. It gives you clarity and sanity of mind. It makes you understand what is important, and gives you a better understanding of who you are. It tells you about other people and most importantly, it defines you. Boundaries give you the ability to guard how you spend your time and resources. Setting a boundary gives you strength to say no, and to focus on what’s important. It is worthy of note as well that setting a boundary helps prevent obstacles.
It has a way of causing havoc, when boundaries are not properly set. For instance, without healthy boundaries, we can become resentful of the work we love; we can become resentful of those we love, especially if they don’t value or appreciate our time or what matters to us. As rational human beings, boundaries mean different things to us. Whenever your value is trampled upon or you feel disrespected, you are bound to react. According to an anonymous saying “Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.
When you set a boundary, communicate it to people in the best possible way whether formally or informally. Let them know your plans and intentions. For example, you let them know when you are available and when you won’t be available. You can decide to put your phone either on silent mode or better still, switch it off. Boundaries must have limits.
Boundaries help you to understand people. For example, if you don’t show people who you are and what your capacity is, they will put you through anything. Why? Because you have shown that you value nothing; nothing, not even yourself. Be advised, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything and everything.
Naturally, human beings will test your boundaries. They will push you to the wall to see your reaction. The first way of attracting disrespect as a man or woman is when you don’t show boundaries. People will literally take you for granted.
A relationship is like building a house. When you build a house, you put gates and other security gadgets to protect you, your loved ones and what you value. Relationship entails making a choice. Choice defines marriage. Your choice defines what you want, it determines what you admire in a person, what’s tolerable and intolerable and what makes you feel you are compatible with the person.
Boundaries play a role in marriage or any form of relationship. This is because your partner needs to know what you like? When people complain about their spouse, it is sometimes because their spouse is not aware of their concerns. Therefore, it’s imperative for you to communicate with your spouse. If you decide to keep quiet, how is your spouse supposed to know?
Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed as opposed to being endured. There’s a difference between endurance and tolerance. Endurance is accepting the things that cannot be changed, while tolerance is adjusting to things while hoping people will change.
If you don’t state your boundaries, it has a way of coming back at you. The reason many people get drained in life is because they are concerned about what other people will say. They wonder what will happen if they decline a request, they wonder how their friends and the world will perceive them.
In some instances, we want to look to our partners, colleagues at work, children or close allies, just because we don’t want to offend them. We fail to understand that, we might lose the relationship when the coin is flipped. We might even harm them in the long run in the process of trying to protect them. Isn’t it true you can spare the rod and spoil the child?
In some situations, we are afraid of the circumstances. For example, in a professional environment, where sexual advances are totally prohibited, a lady or a man might be afraid of setting clear boundaries to his/her boss because of the policy. Due to the retaliation which might follow suit, they might be tempted to allow their boundaries to lay low, especially when their job performance is low.
In conclusion, according to Robert Frost, “Good fences, make good neighbors.” Sacrificing ourselves therefore, for others, does more harm than good to the relationship. It is imperative to always show the green, yellow and red light where necessary. In that way, we save a lot of situations and dramas.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
The Nigeria Democratic Congress (NDC) has called on President Bola Tinubu to immediately remove his Chief of Staff, Femi Gbajabiamila, over allegations linking him to an alleged multi-billion-naira corruption scandal involving a purported non-existent government agency, the Presidential Foreign Intervention Promotion Council (PFIPC).
In a statement issued on Friday by its National Publicity Secretary, Osa Director, the opposition party described the allegations as grave and said Gbajabiamila’s continued stay in office could compromise any credible investigation into the matter.
The NDC’s demand follows allegations made by Prince Mathew Adeniyi Adeyemi, who claims to be the Director-General of the PFIPC, an agency the Presidency has publicly denied exists.
According to the party, the allegations raise serious concerns about transparency, accountability and integrity within the Tinubu administration.
The NDC alleged that despite the Presidency’s denial of the agency’s existence, the PFIPC purportedly secured budgetary allocations in the 2026 Appropriation Act and opened a domiciliary account, a Pound Sterling account and a Treasury Single Account (TSA) domiciled with the Central Bank of Nigeria.
The party questioned how an agency described as non-existent could allegedly establish multiple high-level government financial accounts without official approval or the required documentation.
It also called on the Office of the Accountant-General of the Federation to explain whether forged documents were used in processing the accounts.
The statement further alleged that the Head of the Civil Service of the Federation approved 314 staff positions for the purported agency, describing the development as another issue requiring urgent explanation.
According to the NDC, the allegations also include claims that Gbajabiamila demanded 48 per cent of the agency’s take-off grant, reportedly valued at N27.39 billion, a request Adeyemi allegedly rejected.
The party also cited Adeyemi’s claim that he secured his appointment through the Chief of Staff after allegedly paying N600 million, of which N400 million was allegedly paid through proxies, while N200 million remained outstanding.
It said the alleged unpaid balance reportedly contributed to the Presidency’s subsequent denial of the agency’s existence.
The NDC further alleged that the claims point to a wider pattern of institutional corruption, including the alleged sale of public appointments.
The party also linked the controversy to the death of Babatunde Tanimola, whom it described as an intermediary between Adeyemi and the Chief of Staff.
According to the statement, Tanimola reportedly died in a fire incident at a hotel in Utako, Abuja, on October 22, 2025, a day after the police reportedly received a petition from the Chief of Staff.
The NDC also referenced Adeyemi’s claims that he survived multiple assassination attempts, including an attack along the Abuja-Kaduna Expressway on September 7, 2025, and alleged that certain individuals within government are plotting to eliminate him.
Against the backdrop of the allegations, the party demanded the immediate removal of Gbajabiamila to allow what it described as a full and impartial investigation.
It also called on President Tinubu to establish an independent investigative panel to examine the alleged operations of the PFIPC, including its budgetary allocations, financial transactions, account openings and staff recruitment.
The NDC further urged investigators to probe the circumstances surrounding Tanimola’s death and the alleged assassination attempts on Adeyemi, while recommending that Adeyemi be granted witness protection.
The party also demanded that the Chief of Staff produce all official documents signed since assuming office for forensic examination.
In addition, it called for the questioning of officials of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), the Office of the Accountant-General of the Federation, and the Office of the Head of the Civil Service of the Federation over their alleged roles in the matter.
The opposition party also urged the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), the Independent Corrupt Practices and Other Related Offences Commission (ICPC) and the Nigeria Police Force to commence what it described as a thorough investigation without fear or favour.
“The NDC will not accept the usual tactic of issuing a mere defensive press release from the Presidency as a deflective ploy. Nigerians deserve to know the truth through a transparent process that promotes fairness and justice,” the statement said.
The Presidency has previously maintained that the PFIPC is not a recognised government agency.
As of the time of filing this report, neither the Presidency nor Chief of Staff Femi Gbajabiamila had responded to the fresh allegations contained in the NDC statement.
The Dangote Petroleum Refinery & Petrochemicals has announced another reduction in the ex-depot price of Premium Motor Spirit (PMS), marking its fourth price cut within one month, as the company signaled that Nigerians could expect further price moderation in the coming weeks.
The latest reduction of N50 per litre brings the cumulative decrease in the refinery’s ex-depot price of petrol to over N200 per litre since May 30, 2026, lowering the gantry price to N1,075 per litre.
Over the same period, the refinery has also reduced the ex-depot price of Automotive Gas Oil (AGO), commonly known as diesel, by N300 per litre, while Jet A1 aviation fuel has recorded a cumulative reduction of N520 per litre.
In a statement on Thursday, the refinery said the successive price cuts underscore its commitment to ensuring Nigerians benefit from favourable market developments through fair, responsible, and sustainable pricing of petroleum products.
The company noted that while it remains focused on transferring cost efficiencies to consumers, it is equally committed to maintaining the operational and financial sustainability of domestic refining.
Dangote Refinery explained that its pricing model is not tied directly to daily movements in international crude oil prices, stressing that crude oil is procured weeks or, in some cases, months before refining under commercial contracts linked primarily to monthly average pricing mechanisms rather than prevailing spot market prices.
According to the company, the petroleum products currently being supplied were refined from crude inventories acquired when international crude prices were significantly higher than present levels.
It disclosed that the average landed cost of crude processed by the refinery stood at approximately 124.80 US dollars per barrel in May and 95.25 US dollars per barrel in June, compared with the current international Brent benchmark of about 71.01 US dollars per barrel.
The refinery further clarified that its feedstock is not purchased at the headline Brent price widely reported in the media. Instead, crude is acquired on a Dated Brent basis, with additional market premiums, freight and logistics costs, resulting in actual landed costs that differ materially from benchmark quotations.
Despite these elevated feedstock costs, Dangote Refinery said it deliberately absorbed a substantial portion of the increase instead of transferring the full burden to consumers immediately.
It said the decision is aimed at supporting market stability, easing inflationary pressures, and shielding Nigerians from the sharp volatility witnessed in global energy markets.
“For this reason, prices of petroleum products in Nigeria are still lower than prices in neighbouring countries even after adjusting for taxes,” the company stated.
Dangote Refinery noted that Thursday’s N50 reduction in the ex-depot price of PMS represents the fourth downward adjustment within one month, bringing cumulative reductions to more than N200 per litre.
The company said its pricing decisions are anchored on actual production economics and inventory replacement costs rather than short-term fluctuations in the international oil market.
It expressed optimism that fuel prices would continue to moderate as lower-cost crude cargoes progressively replace higher-cost inventories in its production cycle, provided international market conditions remain favourable.
The refinery also highlighted the stabilising role of domestic refining in Nigeria’s energy sector, saying its production capacity is now sufficient to meet national demand, thereby strengthening energy security, reducing dependence on imported petroleum products, conserving foreign exchange, and providing greater price stability for consumers and businesses.
Reaffirming its long-term commitment, Dangote Petroleum Refinery said its objective remains to supply high-quality, internationally compliant petroleum products at competitive prices while strengthening Nigeria’s energy security, supporting economic growth, and ensuring the long-term sustainability of Africa’s largest refinery.
The company expressed appreciation to Nigerians for their continued confidence and support, pledging to remain committed to building a stable, efficient, and globally competitive downstream petroleum industry that serves the interests of consumers, businesses, and the nation as a whole.
The Department of State Services (DSS) at the Federal High Court in Abuja, arraigned five associates of former Minister of Petroleum Resources, Timipre Sylva.
They are accused of concealing information regarding the whereabouts of their principal, who is alleged to be a financier of an aborted coup attempt against President Bola Tinubu.
Sylva, a former Governor of Bayelsa State, has been declared wanted by the Federal government, and his identified properties have been marked for forfeiture following his indictment as the sponsor and mastermind of the alleged coup plot.
The five associates are Reuben Ayuba, Musa Mohammed, Friday Paul, Paganengigha Anagaha, and Ayebaifife Suobite. They were arraigned on Wednesday before Justice Peter Lifu.
A two-count charge filed against them indicates that the accused became accessories after the fact of felony on April 28, 2026, by concealing the whereabouts of Timipre Sylva, who is classified as a fugitive. The alleged offense is contrary to Section 519 of the Criminal Code Act Law of the Federation of Nigeria, 2004.
Additionally, the DSS has accused them of conspiracy to commit a felony, specifically for concealing the whereabouts of Timipre Sylva, also a fugitive, in violation of Section 516 of the Criminal Code, LFN 2004.
All the accused persons pleaded not guilty to the charges when they were read to them.
DSS lawyer, Emmanuel Orubor, requested that the judge schedule a date for the DSS to commence their trial by calling witnesses to testify against the defendants.
In response, Sunusi Musa (SAN), who represented Reuben Ayuba and Paganengigha Anagaha (the 1st and 4th accused persons), filed a bail application for his clients on various grounds.
Similar applications were made by Ibrahim Imadegbelo, representing Musa Mohammed (the 2nd accused), I. G. Kelubia, standing for Friday Paul (the 3rd defendant), and E. C. Sogo, who argued for Ayebaifife Suobite (the 5th accused person).
The lawyers pointed out to Justice Lifu that their clients have been in custody since October 25, 2025, and urged the court to grant them bail on liberal terms.
In a brief ruling, Justice Lifu granted them bail in the sum of N5 million each, along with two sureties for each, in a similar amount. The sureties are required to swear to an affidavit of means, provide evidence of three years of tax payment, demonstrate visible means of livelihood, and submit recent passport photographs.
Justice Lifu ordered that the claims of identities of the sureties must be verified by the Registrar of the Court.
Pending the perfection of the bail conditions, the Judge ordered that the accused persons be remanded in Kuje Correctional Centre in Abuja and fixed July 22 for the commencement of trial.
