Opinion
Fact for Living: The Secret of Listening
By Henry Ukazu
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”– Stephen R. Covey
Greetings Friends,
Today’s article will take a different route because it will be structured to empower any rational mind to think out of the box. One of the greatest force in life is love. There’s an imaginary strength that comes when we truly love. If you have truly loved, you’ll agree with me that you’ll not only care how your partner or friend feel, you’ll also listen to them.
I once read a book by Gary Chapman “The five love language Love language” where the author beautifully wrote about the five love languages (Words affirmation, physical touch, gift, services and time). When you truly care, you’ll apply all this love languages to your partner, friend, work or whatever you are doing. I choose to use love to buttress the important of listening because in whatever you do in life, if you don’t love it, you won’t give it your time and listening is one of the components of loving.
There are so many things we are stand to gain when we listen to people. One of the greatest things you can do for anyone is to listen to them. It should be noted that listening comes with respect. Whether you are in the cooperate world, self employed (entrepreneur), Non Government Organization or even faith based organization, you are bound to listen to your audience because that is the best way to communicate with them while serving them.
Listening is a choice, you decide to listen to what you like. It is really hard sitting or even standing up listening to people you don’t value. When you listen to podcast or programs of interest, you select music, talks or even comedy of interest that appeals to you. In this digital age, experience has taught me to pay attention to what really matters to me. In fact, unless I am sacrificing my time for a worthy cause, if it’s not taking me to the next level and if it doesn’t involve money, it doesn’t worth my time.
In any industry you are in, you need to practice good listening skills. Are you seeking for a job, or currently working, you need a good listening skill to succeed in a job environment.
With this skill, you can navigate the politics of the job environment. Even a leader needs this skill the most. I have always opine that one of the great art of a leader is the ability to listen and learn. This is because you get more ideas when you listen to your followers.
Listening gives you ability to hear (feedback) what others feel about your work. According to Bill Gates “your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning”.
During the course of this article, we shall be discussing the different styles of listening and how we can use effective listening to enhance our business or opportunity of interest.
Practice active listening: The most important gift you can give to a public speaker is your ears. When you listen to someone, you are not only giving the person your time, you are also learning more about the person. There’s a saying you can learn more about a person by what he/she does than what he/she says. Practicing active listening is a very good way to learn and be engaged. In communication, what is important is not what is being said, but what is not being said, therein, lies the message. When you practice active listening, you hear the unspoken language from the other person in addition to being engaged.
According to G.K. Chesterton “there’s a lot of difference between hearing and listening.” This is because hearing isn’t necessarily listening. This is because you can hear someone but not present at the same time. Active listening makes you to be present. You may have heard of the saying, the joy of life is not happy you are, but how happy someone can because of you. Everyone loves to be listened and loved. In my book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success, specifically on page 111, I wrote about the four levels of gratitude (Appreciation, administration, approval and attention). In order to understand this teachings you must practice active listening to understand the unspoken words inherent in such deeds.
Eye Contact: A great communicator uses eye contact to deliver his/her message. One of the most valuable ways a public speaker communicate with his/she audience is by using eye contact. With eye contact, you can tell if your audience is listening or feeling bored.
Sometimes you hear what the person is saying when you look directly in the eyes of the person, sometimes, maintaining a visible presence by looking over the head audience gives them the desired space they need. This is because some people don’t feel comfortable when they have direct eye contact. Eye contact also goes with the body language of the speaker. In communication, sometimes, somethings are better felt than spoken.
Don’t interrupt the speaker: A good way to know a great speaker is by looking how he/she pitches his/point or message. Interrupting a speaker can ruin the flow of information. That is why sometimes, it is good to reserve questions towards at the end of any presentation.
Listen without judgment: –: In communication, most times, people listen with the intent to respond as opposed to understanding. This normally plays out most times in marriage. In law, a good to way to apply justice is by listening to the other side. In applying this knowledge, the judge normally use Audi alteram partem, a Latin phrase meaning “listen to the other side”, or “let the other side be heard as well”. It is the principle that no person should be judged without a fair hearing in which each party is given the opportunity to respond to the evidence against them.
Meditation: Mediation is a form of listening. According to Thomas Carlyle, “Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together”. Meditation is truly a great form of listening. According to Wayne Dyer, an inspirational author, meditation is simply the act of being quiet with yourself and shutting the constant monologue that fills the inner space.
Meditation helps in self discovering. You learn more about yourself when you listen to your inner self as opposed to what other people think of you. There are many benefits that comes with meditation. Examples include: it reduces stress, helps you to focus very well, it reduces anxiety, it gives you better memory and enhances creativity.
In conclusion, a good listening skill if properly utilized will set you on a good path that will set you before leaders, kings and Heads of Industries if properly applied.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with New York City Department of Correction as the legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success.
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
Every living being must eat to stay alive – fact; anyone who wishes to pass an examination must study – fact; he that must stay healthy, must pay attention to his health – fact, and whoever is desirous to earn money must work. The list is endless. The idea here is that life is governed by principles – a case study of whatever one sows, one must reap. As a matter of fact, when one abides by the principles governing anything, the principles are bound to work for them.
These principles are like faith. It is whatever you believe that will work for you. Let me elaborate a little; if someone goes to the hospital, and the doctor gives him a pill, if the person gets better, it is not necessarily the pill that heals the person, though it plays a role, what healed the person is the person’s faith. This is because if you don’t have faith in the pill, it won’t work. Healing can be spiritual sometimes. One must be healed in the mind first before the physical healing takes place. It’s just like a man of God praying for a sick person, the person will have to believe in the prayers before it can work for him.
The importance of this analysis is that before any success can be achieved, one must do the work. It’s unfortunate however, that some of us need opportunities, benefits, resources, money, and results, but are not ready to do the corresponding work. In this journey called life, one must work. It’s only when you work, you will be celebrated. Work comes in different ways; all that is important is for one to understand their assignment, and work diligently to pursue it to a logical conclusion.
It’s instructive to note that there’s nothing like a big or small work. Every work is necessary when there’s teamwork. Just like the father needs the son for errands, the son also needs the father for provision and protection. So, in any capacity you find yourself, just know that you are valuable.
To understand how value works with respect to dignity of labour, imagine the human system, if the anus decides to shut down, the whole body will be uncomfortable. Every part of the human body is indispensable. They must all work together for the human body to function at its optimal capacity. This is the attitude we should have when we are working.
The importance of work cannot be overemphasized. Your work makes it easier for people to identify with you especially in this 21st century when technology is the new normal. It’s easy for one to search the internet just to find out about somebody’s work. Just imagine someone pitching for funding to a fortune 500 company or making a proposal for funding to do some work on youth advocacy, but there’s nothing on the internet to testify to that effect. If you want to prove your passion for youth advocacy, there must be work to that effect.
On a personal note, I do tell my friends, I’m a lawyer by training, public speaker by interest, author by inspiration, and youth advocate by passion. The interesting part is that if you look me up, you will find relevant information about all the above-mentioned interests of mine, but the youth advocacy will be outstanding. So, you can see that my work speaks volume.
If anyone wants to assist you, the blessings will come from the work you do. This is because manna does not fall from heaven, men are the vessels. Do you know that when we pray to God for blessings, opportunities, favors or money, God answers with a plan. Yes, the plan is the associated work that one must do. Let me share a practical example, if you want a chair, God will not do a miracle to provide you a chair, but God will provide the materials in the form of wood for you to make the chair.
It’s sad to see lazy people, who just believe in miracles without corresponding work. Some just believe God will send manna from above. Don’t get me wrong, these opportunities do come by occasionally, and when they do come, one will know it’s a miracle.
The journey of life isn’t easy, one must continually work smart and believe our work will align with our desires.
Sometimes, when we work, we don’t know when the results will surface. In some cases, we don’t even see the results. In such cases, one shouldn’t be deterred, provided you are doing the needful, the work will one day speak for itself. I remembered when I was working on my first book, it was like hell because of the intense research that went into the manuscript, but today, when I look back, I thank God for the grace.
When one work, one should also have the faith that the work will produce results. Sometimes, the answer to our prayers is tied to the work we do. One might be searching for answers in different areas, but the answer might be beside us. Sometimes, we look for destiny helpers, benefactors, opportunities, etc., what we fail to understand is that all we seek might be connected to the work we do. So, imagine when one decides to do nothing, how will something happen?
Furthermore, while it is good to pray, it is also good to work because they go together. While prayer releases God’s favour, work unleashes the force of man. We must be willing to work for what we pray for.
In conclusion, when it comes to work, have the mindset that at the end of the day, we will be remembered for the work we did. So, ask yourself, which legacy would you want to be remembered for? When you can answer these questions, you will be intentional with the kind of work you want your children to remember you for while you were on earth.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
There is no gainsaying the fact that everyone desirous of making impact in life must live a life of purpose. This is where knowledge and information come to play. It is these knowledge and information that will set an individual apart from his contemporaries.
I strongly believe, if one is not informed, they are ill-informed, and when they are ill-informed, they can’t perform well in any given endeavour. This is because information leads to reformation and transformation. We can therefore, confidently say that information leads to formation because everyone is a product of what they know.
Knowledge acquisition is one of the best things that can happen to anyone. People with knowledge are revered, and highly respected. Having knowledge is like having money. People from all walks of life will seek you.
There are different kinds of knowledge, and they include Revealed Knowledge, which comes from those who wrote the Bible and Intuitive Knowledge, which comes from the mind. It is the ability to gain knowledge without conscious reason or explanation.
Others are Empirical Knowledge, which is information gained through observation, experimentation, and direct experience, rather than through theoretical reason or intuition; Authoritative Knowledge, which is the knowledge a man has because of his expertise in a particular field; and finally but not the least, Rational Knowledge, which is a form of knowledge that uses reasoning and philosophy to understand the world.
From this illustration, a decisive mind can see that knowledge is priceless. Knowledge is like education. It can provide security and access. Even the Book of life says in Proverbs 4:13, “your education is your life, guard it very well”; and in Hosea 4:6 that “my people perish for lack of knowledge”.
From my personal experience in life, apart from death, one of the greatest levelers of all time is education. This is because the child of a certified pauper can become a man of means tomorrow if properly educated. That explains why children from humble backgrounds ought to take their education very seriously, especially if they don’t have affluence.
On a personal note, I come from a very humble background, my late parents didn’t have the opportunity of acquiring a decent education, but they knew the value of education and endeavored to give me and my siblings a decent education. In retrospect, when I look back and see some of my contemporaries whose parents couldn’t give them a decent education, I bless my late parents because education has exposed me to lots of opportunities in the United States, and the global world in addition to granting me an audience with the high and mighty in society.
Sometimes, when I look at my modest achievement, I’m deeply humbled because I know it is the grace of God. Who am I to author two amazing trailblazers’ books, get featured and profiled by the New York Times, engage in high level conversation with leaders of thought and captains of industries. Apart from the grace of God, intentional seeking of knowledge, and wise counsel from mentors and strategically positioning myself have been some of the cornerstone to my success.
Imagine if my late parents didn’t give me a decent education and opportunity of travelling to the United States, most of these opportunities and exposure wouldn’t have been readily available.
When one is decently enlightened, educated and informed about life, their level of reasoning and understanding differ from an ordinary man. If one desires to go far in life, one must seek knowledge.
It is your knowledge that sets you apart from others.
According to Dr. Yomi Garnett, an accomplished Ghostwriter, “If you are a man of great knowledge, people will have great respect for you. If you are a man of great wisdom, people will have great reverence for you. And if you are a man of both, great knowledge and great wisdom, you will be the most eminent of men. But in real terms, people don’t care how much you know, or how much wisdom you have, unless they know how much you care.”
The moral of this quote is that despite the knowledge and information at one’s disposal, if one lacks empathy, their knowledge, experience and whatever they have mean nothing.
The importance of knowledge cannot be overemphasized. In our contemporary society, a fast way of attracting opportunities is by showcasing the knowledge at one’s disposal. It is so sad that many people don’t take time to read, research and learn new trends applicable in their industry, and in the world generally and as such, they find it difficult to fit in and grow.
It is instructive to note that when you seek knowledge, opportunities will seek for you. A major reason people are poor is simply because they are not solving problems and to solve problems, one ought to have understanding. Do you know that if you don’t have money, the reason is often because you are not solving a problem, or you are not solving enough problems, or you are not solving the right problem or you are not solving problems for the right people. Generally, we make money because we have something unique to offer to the world. Therefore, to solve problems, one must have knowledge and information.
We currently live in an age of technological, where skills, talent and creativity are in high demand. Any progressive being that desires to go far must be intentional in seeking knowledge. Successful acquisition of knowledge, information and understanding can lead to discernment and wisdom.
In conclusion, as you journey towards life, if you want to make an impact, seek opportunities, and earn more money, do yourself a favour by endeavoring to seek knowledge, wisdom, and information. You can’t get these by sitting on your sofa or staying in your comfort zone.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friend,
Failure is one the dreaded, if not the most dreaded fears of the average human being. It competes favourably with poverty. Just like wealth and success boost the confidence of a person, so does failure humbles a man’s psyche. However, the ability to manage success as a skill, needs to be understudied to avoid failure.
In recent times, I have learnt to ask resourceful people more about their failures more than their success. As a matter of fact, people who have failed more have more to share than people who have succeeded. The irony of life is that most of the time, people tend to give more credence to those who have succeeded more than those who have failed.
Uninformed people see those who have failed as people with dirt or dent on their lives. In some cases, they are seen as nothing to write home about just because they failed. It’s instructive to note that failure is not alien to anyone. Everyone, at one time or another, experiences failure. What some people fail to understand however, is that the people who failed have a lot more to share than those who succeeded.
Just to put it in perspective, imagine a divorcee giving you a genuine advice on marriage; imagine a politician who has failed in several elections and later succeed giving you an advice on electioneering campaigns; imagine a businessman who failed in business up advising you on how to run a business; imagine a student who has failed a class advising you how to do well in a class. The list is literally endless. One thing is certain, all these failures will come from the place of love, pain and fulfilment and will be properly metaphor into gain if properly utilized.
I have failed many times more than I have succeeded and this failure has humbled me. If only our failures and mistakes are written on our face, no human will have a clean face. It’s so sad many people have allowed their mistakes and failures to define them.
To understand how to deal with failure, let’s explain the concept of failure with the word FAILURE.
Fall
Literally, when you fall, it means you have failed or fallen from an exalted position. Before one fails in life, one would have fallen. In contemporary times, uninformed people in our society tend to laugh at people who have failed elections, failed exams, failed in academics, failed in leadership positions, failed in marriage and failed in their personal and professional vocations. When you fail in life, the next thing is to acknowledge it and try to maximize the opportunity to bounce back.
Acknowledgement.
It’s only a fool who will do the same thing over and over again and expect to get a different result. When you make a mistake, the best thing to do as a leader is to acknowledge it and learn to avoid the mistake again. Failing to acknowledge your mistake will make people perceive you as having pride especially when one tries to apportion the blame to another person. When you acknowledge your mistake, the next stage is to investigate the mistake to avoid repeating it again.
Investigate.
This is the beginning of learning. When people investigate, they are trying to know more to verify certain information or acts. Without investigation, there will be little or no consequences. When it comes to failures, investigating a mistake doesn’t mean one is trying to find a fault, rather one is trying to know how to avert a similar problem. When one has truly found the answers to a problem, one will begin to learn from the experience what truly happened.
Learn
Nothing elevates one than learning from one’s mistakes. When you learn from your mistakes, you will be poised to unleash your potential by turning your mistakes into your friend. It’s quite unfortunate that many people don’t take time to learn. Learning will strategically position one to avoid mistakes. It’s said, a wise man learns from his mistakes, but a wiser man learns from other people’s mistakes. When one learns, one will understand how systems and structures work. When you learn more, you stand a better position to earn more especially when one has learned from their mistakes.
Understand
Failure in life comes with understanding. When one fails, one will see and understand life differently. Just to put this in perspective. Imagine a man who has fortune and has been a tremendous blessing to people and now lives in penury. Many of his beneficiaries will gradually slide to the next benefactor. Again, imagine a politician with influence as a Governor, Minister of President controlling and managing people and resources, one can’t imagine the beehive of people that will be trooping to his house and office daily seeking for favor. The day the man loses his position, he will understand the meaning of loyalty because the majority of people who were around him were simply there due to vested interests. If you call them sycophants, you won’t be totally wrong. This is simply the reality of life. Moral: Failure in life will give you understanding and wisdom.
When you experience this understanding, the best thing that can happen to you will be to realign with the right people with the right energy. Going back to the people who abandoned you literally means; one hasn’t learnt much and is about to make another terrible mistake.
Realign
Realignment comes with attraction. Just like kind attracts people with similar vision, purpose and energy attracts. Failure in life will make one practice alignment by taking stock of what’s working in and what’s not working. When one experiences failure, going to the same people, and situations that led one to the same mistake simply means the person hasn’t aligned well. When proper alignment has taken place, the next big stage is to evolve. This is where all the pieces will be put together to make failure have a meaning.
Evolve
When one evolves, it means one has metamorphosed into a new being. To evolve means one has grown and no longer operates from the place of lack. During my formative years in the USA, I used to be a horrible writer, but when you juxtapose the Henry Ukazu of 2010 and the Henry Ukazu of 2024, you will know the difference is clear. When you evolve, you will see a lot of transformation in your life.
Failure makes one evolve into a new beginning. To understand how one evolves, a newborn baby crawls before walking and running. In a similar vein, a child attends kindergarten school before attending elementary, middle school, high school, and college. All these are processes of evolution. Failure makes one evolve and transform into a better person. Failure has many parts and components and when they have been assembled, they will make one to evolve to a more refined and reformed being.
In summary, as you journey through life, see failure as an experience as opposed to a mistake. In that way, you will learn from it.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
