Opinion
Fact for Living: The Secret of Listening
By Henry Ukazu
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”– Stephen R. Covey
Greetings Friends,
Today’s article will take a different route because it will be structured to empower any rational mind to think out of the box. One of the greatest force in life is love. There’s an imaginary strength that comes when we truly love. If you have truly loved, you’ll agree with me that you’ll not only care how your partner or friend feel, you’ll also listen to them.
I once read a book by Gary Chapman “The five love language Love language” where the author beautifully wrote about the five love languages (Words affirmation, physical touch, gift, services and time). When you truly care, you’ll apply all this love languages to your partner, friend, work or whatever you are doing. I choose to use love to buttress the important of listening because in whatever you do in life, if you don’t love it, you won’t give it your time and listening is one of the components of loving.
There are so many things we are stand to gain when we listen to people. One of the greatest things you can do for anyone is to listen to them. It should be noted that listening comes with respect. Whether you are in the cooperate world, self employed (entrepreneur), Non Government Organization or even faith based organization, you are bound to listen to your audience because that is the best way to communicate with them while serving them.
Listening is a choice, you decide to listen to what you like. It is really hard sitting or even standing up listening to people you don’t value. When you listen to podcast or programs of interest, you select music, talks or even comedy of interest that appeals to you. In this digital age, experience has taught me to pay attention to what really matters to me. In fact, unless I am sacrificing my time for a worthy cause, if it’s not taking me to the next level and if it doesn’t involve money, it doesn’t worth my time.
In any industry you are in, you need to practice good listening skills. Are you seeking for a job, or currently working, you need a good listening skill to succeed in a job environment.
With this skill, you can navigate the politics of the job environment. Even a leader needs this skill the most. I have always opine that one of the great art of a leader is the ability to listen and learn. This is because you get more ideas when you listen to your followers.
Listening gives you ability to hear (feedback) what others feel about your work. According to Bill Gates “your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning”.
During the course of this article, we shall be discussing the different styles of listening and how we can use effective listening to enhance our business or opportunity of interest.
Practice active listening: The most important gift you can give to a public speaker is your ears. When you listen to someone, you are not only giving the person your time, you are also learning more about the person. There’s a saying you can learn more about a person by what he/she does than what he/she says. Practicing active listening is a very good way to learn and be engaged. In communication, what is important is not what is being said, but what is not being said, therein, lies the message. When you practice active listening, you hear the unspoken language from the other person in addition to being engaged.
According to G.K. Chesterton “there’s a lot of difference between hearing and listening.” This is because hearing isn’t necessarily listening. This is because you can hear someone but not present at the same time. Active listening makes you to be present. You may have heard of the saying, the joy of life is not happy you are, but how happy someone can because of you. Everyone loves to be listened and loved. In my book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success, specifically on page 111, I wrote about the four levels of gratitude (Appreciation, administration, approval and attention). In order to understand this teachings you must practice active listening to understand the unspoken words inherent in such deeds.
Eye Contact: A great communicator uses eye contact to deliver his/her message. One of the most valuable ways a public speaker communicate with his/she audience is by using eye contact. With eye contact, you can tell if your audience is listening or feeling bored.
Sometimes you hear what the person is saying when you look directly in the eyes of the person, sometimes, maintaining a visible presence by looking over the head audience gives them the desired space they need. This is because some people don’t feel comfortable when they have direct eye contact. Eye contact also goes with the body language of the speaker. In communication, sometimes, somethings are better felt than spoken.
Don’t interrupt the speaker: A good way to know a great speaker is by looking how he/she pitches his/point or message. Interrupting a speaker can ruin the flow of information. That is why sometimes, it is good to reserve questions towards at the end of any presentation.
Listen without judgment: –: In communication, most times, people listen with the intent to respond as opposed to understanding. This normally plays out most times in marriage. In law, a good to way to apply justice is by listening to the other side. In applying this knowledge, the judge normally use Audi alteram partem, a Latin phrase meaning “listen to the other side”, or “let the other side be heard as well”. It is the principle that no person should be judged without a fair hearing in which each party is given the opportunity to respond to the evidence against them.
Meditation: Mediation is a form of listening. According to Thomas Carlyle, “Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together”. Meditation is truly a great form of listening. According to Wayne Dyer, an inspirational author, meditation is simply the act of being quiet with yourself and shutting the constant monologue that fills the inner space.
Meditation helps in self discovering. You learn more about yourself when you listen to your inner self as opposed to what other people think of you. There are many benefits that comes with meditation. Examples include: it reduces stress, helps you to focus very well, it reduces anxiety, it gives you better memory and enhances creativity.
In conclusion, a good listening skill if properly utilized will set you on a good path that will set you before leaders, kings and Heads of Industries if properly applied.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with New York City Department of Correction as the legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success.
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
There’s no doubt that everyone wants to make it big in life though it takes quite a lot to achieve that no matter the field. However, some have become famous by starting small, some others made it big with little effort, some made it with recommendations, while some made it big by the work they did, which was greatly appreciated by the universe.
On a personal note, when I published my first book Design Your Destiny, I was literally unknown in any space, but because the book was so good, it got lots of reviews and recommendations from New York City Schools (High Schools and College), government institutions, communities and resource persons. I was even interviewed several times by television stations, appeared on the New York Times and got invitations from the United Nations; all because of one book.
Ordinarily, one would have to write couple of books before trending as a celebrity author, but here I am getting recognition as a first time author. It should be noted however, that before I wrote the book, I have been sharing inspiring articles focused on human capacity development, with the mission of inspiring the younger generation on my personal blog.
In the journey of life, everyone is encouraged to start small if the means of starting big is unavailable. Not everyone will have the capacity and competence to start big; one would have to learn the ropes. That’s why I have always counseled anyone, who intends to make an impact in the society or the world in general. It’s always good to do what you can with what you have. Do not wait for the perfect time to strike because done is always better when best is not done.
Sometimes we want the dust to clear before we begin, but we fail to understand that the ship doesn’t wait for the storm to calm before it sails. Starting small entails learning the ropes of life that are applicable to one’s profession, vocation, academics, career, business, health or general existence.
It’s generally known that the journey of a thousand miles begins with one right step in the direct direction. So, to start small, one needs is to figure out what they really like, and have the courage to begin. The journey and process might not really be easy, but with the right amount of discipline, determination and consistency, a progressive mind will overcome the challenges.
In starting small, preparation is needed. When the needful is done, it’s only normal for the right opportunities that will make one big to manifest all things being equal.
Again, in starting small, failures, disappointments, setbacks, challenges and unforeseen events will definitely creep in, but one must not to give up because of the big picture. The imperfect nature of life explains why rooms must be created for mistakes, and subsequent corrections.
One of my mentors once told me, “done is better than perfect when perfect is not done”, meaning that it’s better to give your best no matter how bad it may appear to be. So don’t wait for the atmosphere to be set before you strike.
One of the advantages of failing first is that it will give you experience which can serve as a story in the near future. According to an author, Sonia Sotomayor, “success on its own is a reward, but failure is a great teacher too, and to be feared”.
As humans, it’s normal for one to always feel bad when they fail or make mistakes, but if we can think out of the box, there are many inspirations and lessons we can learn from the failures. Here is my moral advice: It’s good to fail fast.
According to Dr. Yomi Garnett, a Ghost Writer, “refuse to capitalize on your gains, anyone can do that. The important thing is to profit from your losses. That requires a certain degree of intelligence”. This statement corroborates with the statement of Sonia Sotomayor, which dwells on how failures can shape one if we learn from the lessons. So, Dr. Garnett is basically advising we gain more from our failures than our gains because not everyone can manage failure.
There have been scenarios where some people took their life because of the associated shame they will experience because of the stigma of their mistakes simply because they can’t deal with it. Let’s contrast the case with someone who has experienced success, the ecstasy will be over and beyond. Almost everyone can manage it unless people who allow success make them proud as opposed to being humble.
When we make it big, it’s only normal for friends and family to come around to celebrate success. The mistakes some friends and family make is to allow people who didn’t contribute to their success to take a greater chunk of their blessings more than the people who actually did the work. I’m not insinuating family and friends are bad, no. What I’m trying to say is that there should be balancing.
In my sojourn and experience of life, I have come to understand the importance of starting small, sometimes that’s the best thing to do because it will give a good background of the foundational theories and experience one needs when he gets to the top.
I have always told my mentees that I didn’t get to where I am by being stupid. This means I am very intentional at the way I live my life, and that translates to my business. I didn’t become a prolific and creative writer overnight, I didn’t become an author of two books overnight, I didn’t become a great public speaker overnight, nor did I become a good communicator overnight. I started small and overtime I began to learn from experienced people whose books I read, listened to their speeches and associated with them at close range. All these enabled me to grow in my space. This is one of the benefits of starting small. It will prepare you for the big task.
In conclusion, in whatever one desires to do, please consider starting small by doing the needful. By doing so, one will not have to explain the foundation of their wealth, experience and lifestyle that made them big.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
It is everybody’s desire to be successful in whatever field of endeavour he finds himself. It can be in career, family life, business endeavors or personal development. But there’s absolutely nothing good that comes easy. Everything in life involves a lot of hard work, smart work, dedication, discipline, network, sacrifice, prayers, and determination among a whole lot if one is intentional to succeed.
Of a truth, success is not for the faint-hearted. In all honesty, everyone wants to be ahead of everyone, especially contemporaries and funnily enough, the average human being sometimes have a bit of ill- feeling when competitors arise or seem to outsmart them either with better quality or price. The good thing about this however, is that it makes one sit up.
Now, this brings us to the essence of today’s article. For anyone to be ahead of their competitors, they must fly like the eagle. Eagles are known for their powerful build, sharp vision, and fearless nature. They are highflyers, capable of soaring to great heights, and gliding for extended periods. Eagles are also known for their tenacity, using storms to their advantage to gain altitude. Other notable characteristics include their strong talons and beaks, used for hunting, and their protective nature towards their young. These are some of the qualities that make it unique.
The eagle is not regarded as the king of the sky for fun, no. The eagle flies so high because that’s where it gets a chunk of its strength. This ability enables the eagle to take its prey and predators alike to it’s abode where it will have enough emotional and physical strength to dismantle them.
I will be sharing characteristics of an eagle to enable us know why we ought to be like the eagle if we want to soar.
VISION
The eagle has a sharp vision. Their vision is so precise. They can see farther than any animal. They possess exceptional eyesight, allowing them to spot prey from great distances. As human beings, we must have eagle eyes to know what we really want, and what we don’t want. Vision allows us to go for what we desire and deserve. When we have vision, we won’t wait for anyone to tell us when to strike. We flow through the wind despite the waves and heavy current and associated challenges. When our vision is precise, it will give people clarity to understand how they can assist us.
Let’s take a closer look at great leaders of this world who have come and gone. There are many great leaders that came and went but one characteristic that is common in all is “Vision”.
Vision is a successful leadership characteristic
You must have a vision that guides and leads your team towards the organizations or societal goals. The vision must be big and focused. A big, focused vision will produce big results
FLIGHT
Eagles are known for their ability to soar and glide, using their large wings to their advantage. Eagles can fly up to an altitude of 10,000 feet, but they are able to swiftly land on the ground. At 10, 000 feet, you will never find another bird. If you find another bird, it must be an eagle.
An eagle doesn’t mingle around with the pigeons. It was Dr. Myles Munroe who said that. Pigeons scavenge on the ground and grumble and complain all day long. Eagles are not. They fly and make less noise waiting for opportunities to strike their next prey or glide with the current of the storm.
Great leaders are problem solvers. They don’t complain like the pigeons do. They love to take challenges as the eagle does when the storm comes. As human beings, we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
It’s always good for one to take any fight to their home ground where it will give them advantage over their predators. For instance, a fish is stronger in water, but weak on land, a lion is stronger on land, but weak in water, a monkey is strong on trees but weak on air. Just like an eagle is strong on air and weak on water and land. That’s why it always takes its prey to the sky where they have greater advantage to shine.
As human beings, we also must know what we are naturally good at, the ability to know this will enable us to maximize our strength and work on our weakness. We can only do this when we know ourselves and what we are naturally good at. Our ability to focus on our expertise and what we are naturally good at will make us unique and ahead of our contemporaries.
TENACITY
The eagles are known for their ability to withstand storms and use them to their advantage, rising above the challenges. Watch an eagle when a storm comes. When other birds fly away from the storm with fear, an eagle spreads its mighty wings and uses the current to soar to greater heights. The eagle takes advantage of the very storm that lesser birds fear and head for cover.
Challenges in the life of a leader are many. These are the storms we must face as leaders to rise to greater heights. Like an eagle, a leader can only rise to greater heights if he takes up the challenges head on without running away from it. This is yet another leadership characteristic.
As humans, we all will experience challenges and setbacks, however, the ability to apply strength will go a long way to show how determined we are to overcome the hurdles that pose as challenges.
FEARLESS
An eagle will never surrender to the size or strength of its prey. It will always give a fight to win its prey or regain its territory.
Successful leaders are fearless, so we are expected to fear no man, but respect all men. They face problems head on. We are supposed to have the eagle fearless mindset regardless of how big the problem may appear. Confront your fear and rise or face your fear and run. The choice is yours.
VITALITY NATURE
One of the strongest characteristics of an eagle is their vitality. Eagles are full of life and are visionary, but they find time to look back at their life and re-energize themselves. This happens at about the age of 30. What happens is that when the eagles reach the age of 30, their physical body condition deteriorates fast making it difficult for them to survive.
What is interesting is that the eagle never gives up living, instead it retreats to a mountaintop and over a five-month period goes through a metamorphosis. As humans, we are expected to reexamine ourselves, retreat to a safe zone. We can do this by fasting as Christians, we can also do this by learning new skills, volunteering our time and seeking for mentors who can hold us by the hand to show us how the appearance of life is not the reality of life.
In conclusion, as human beings, we are encouraged to be like an eagle if we want to scale through life.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
By Henry Ukazu
Dear Destiny Friends,
One of the greatest strengths of a rational being is the freedom to do whatever they want. That’s a fact! But one thing is sure, and that is actions have consequences. Even at creation, Adam and Eve were given instruction to eat any fruit except a particular tree, but they disobeyed, ate the forbidden fruit, and were thrown out of the garden of Eden.
This simply means that as a human being, one is responsible for his own actions and omissions. Sometimes, we blame people as being responsible for our failures and mistakes, not realizing that nobody will insult you without your permission.
I have come to the realization that choice plays a fundamental role in our lives. The way we speak, the way we write, the way we dress, and the way we live our lives are all products of our choices. Before we eat a particular meal or even wear an outfit, we choose from a list of several options. Before we serve any deity, we make a choice, and though there may be a level of external influence, we still have a role to play in the final outcome.
In recent times, I have developed the eyes of the eagle at looking at life from a vantage position. Anything I want, I strategically sit down and make strategic arrangements which will include what I need to do and what I need to deviate from. These are products of being intentional with our choices.
One of the greatest choices we’ll make as human beings is the choice of, who we will marry and how our life will become. I say this because we are the architect of our life. If you are intentional, how you live your life matters. This also entails the kind of jobs we do and the services we offer. They all define us in one way or another.
Some people are so intentional with their life that they make so much sacrifices spiritually, academically, financially, socially and even with personal development. They know what they want, and dare to go after it no matter whose ox is gored.
While they were intentional to plan their life by making sacrifices, some people are busy living their lives to the fullest and turns around to seek assistance from the person who has planned his existence. Life doesn’t work that way.
Just to let you know how decisive choice can be in the life of a progressive mind, consider President Donald Trump, who grew up to become a successful billionaire and two-term President. His brother, Fred Trump Jr., was an alcoholic who never managed to find success. It is interesting to know that they both have the same biological father and mother. They had the same upbringing, same school, but they had different outcomes. President Trump was intentional with his life and maybe his brother made a bad choice, or he was unintentional with this life.
The moral here is that we need to quit the blame game because we are the architect of our life. “Nobody” really owes us anything. Any favor we get from people is an act of gesture and not entitlement.
So, do yourself a favour, stop blaming your parents or anyone for how your life turned out! It is not your upbringing or genes that make you a success or failure. It is the choices you make in life that make or break you. You can decide to take ownership of your life and change the course of your life for the better.
There are numerous people who have transformed their lives from negative to positive. It’s all about determination and making the right choices.
The choice we make as human beings can either make or mar us. As a man, if you are mischievous in sleeping around, with different women, attending night clubs with several women, spending lavishly without being prudent, it won’t be long before poverty locates you.
Today, I charge you to sit down, and reflect on what kind of life you want to live and begin to intentionally work on it by making the right choices. I look forward to seeing you at the top.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
