Opinion
Fact for Living: The Secret of Listening
Published
7 months agoon
By Henry Ukazu
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”– Stephen R. Covey
Greetings Friends,
Today’s article will take a different route because it will be structured to empower any rational mind to think out of the box. One of the greatest force in life is love. There’s an imaginary strength that comes when we truly love. If you have truly loved, you’ll agree with me that you’ll not only care how your partner or friend feel, you’ll also listen to them.
I once read a book by Gary Chapman “The five love language Love language” where the author beautifully wrote about the five love languages (Words affirmation, physical touch, gift, services and time). When you truly care, you’ll apply all this love languages to your partner, friend, work or whatever you are doing. I choose to use love to buttress the important of listening because in whatever you do in life, if you don’t love it, you won’t give it your time and listening is one of the components of loving.
There are so many things we are stand to gain when we listen to people. One of the greatest things you can do for anyone is to listen to them. It should be noted that listening comes with respect. Whether you are in the cooperate world, self employed (entrepreneur), Non Government Organization or even faith based organization, you are bound to listen to your audience because that is the best way to communicate with them while serving them.
Listening is a choice, you decide to listen to what you like. It is really hard sitting or even standing up listening to people you don’t value. When you listen to podcast or programs of interest, you select music, talks or even comedy of interest that appeals to you. In this digital age, experience has taught me to pay attention to what really matters to me. In fact, unless I am sacrificing my time for a worthy cause, if it’s not taking me to the next level and if it doesn’t involve money, it doesn’t worth my time.
In any industry you are in, you need to practice good listening skills. Are you seeking for a job, or currently working, you need a good listening skill to succeed in a job environment.
With this skill, you can navigate the politics of the job environment. Even a leader needs this skill the most. I have always opine that one of the great art of a leader is the ability to listen and learn. This is because you get more ideas when you listen to your followers.
Listening gives you ability to hear (feedback) what others feel about your work. According to Bill Gates “your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning”.
During the course of this article, we shall be discussing the different styles of listening and how we can use effective listening to enhance our business or opportunity of interest.
Practice active listening: The most important gift you can give to a public speaker is your ears. When you listen to someone, you are not only giving the person your time, you are also learning more about the person. There’s a saying you can learn more about a person by what he/she does than what he/she says. Practicing active listening is a very good way to learn and be engaged. In communication, what is important is not what is being said, but what is not being said, therein, lies the message. When you practice active listening, you hear the unspoken language from the other person in addition to being engaged.
According to G.K. Chesterton “there’s a lot of difference between hearing and listening.” This is because hearing isn’t necessarily listening. This is because you can hear someone but not present at the same time. Active listening makes you to be present. You may have heard of the saying, the joy of life is not happy you are, but how happy someone can because of you. Everyone loves to be listened and loved. In my book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success, specifically on page 111, I wrote about the four levels of gratitude (Appreciation, administration, approval and attention). In order to understand this teachings you must practice active listening to understand the unspoken words inherent in such deeds.
Eye Contact: A great communicator uses eye contact to deliver his/her message. One of the most valuable ways a public speaker communicate with his/she audience is by using eye contact. With eye contact, you can tell if your audience is listening or feeling bored.
Sometimes you hear what the person is saying when you look directly in the eyes of the person, sometimes, maintaining a visible presence by looking over the head audience gives them the desired space they need. This is because some people don’t feel comfortable when they have direct eye contact. Eye contact also goes with the body language of the speaker. In communication, sometimes, somethings are better felt than spoken.
Don’t interrupt the speaker: A good way to know a great speaker is by looking how he/she pitches his/point or message. Interrupting a speaker can ruin the flow of information. That is why sometimes, it is good to reserve questions towards at the end of any presentation.
Listen without judgment: –: In communication, most times, people listen with the intent to respond as opposed to understanding. This normally plays out most times in marriage. In law, a good to way to apply justice is by listening to the other side. In applying this knowledge, the judge normally use Audi alteram partem, a Latin phrase meaning “listen to the other side”, or “let the other side be heard as well”. It is the principle that no person should be judged without a fair hearing in which each party is given the opportunity to respond to the evidence against them.
Meditation: Mediation is a form of listening. According to Thomas Carlyle, “Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together”. Meditation is truly a great form of listening. According to Wayne Dyer, an inspirational author, meditation is simply the act of being quiet with yourself and shutting the constant monologue that fills the inner space.
Meditation helps in self discovering. You learn more about yourself when you listen to your inner self as opposed to what other people think of you. There are many benefits that comes with meditation. Examples include: it reduces stress, helps you to focus very well, it reduces anxiety, it gives you better memory and enhances creativity.
In conclusion, a good listening skill if properly utilized will set you on a good path that will set you before leaders, kings and Heads of Industries if properly applied.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with New York City Department of Correction as the legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success.
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By Henry Ukazu
Greetings Dear Friends,
Life is an experience every one of us must surely pass through. It is often said that our experience shapes/defines who we are. Regardless of how true or false you may feel about life, you’ll agree with me that to a reasonable extent, your experience has helped to shape some of your thoughts and actions. Isn’t it true that it is only the person who wears the shoe who can tell where the pinches? It is a well-established fact that experience is the best teacher. This is because we all feel pains differently. According to a philosopher, life is about experiences. We all have to dream, strive, and fail before we can achieve success. Maybe we’ll discover along the way that the journey is more important than the destination
In one of my articles, published a couple of years ago what is life and how can one live through it? I defined life as a woman because you cannot “really” know her. During the course of this article, we shall be discussing many components of life and how the experience can shape you. We all need experience to survive through life because it helps to shape us in addition to giving us more exposure, opportunity, and respect. For instance, we all sit in the same classroom, but we don’t hear and understand the same thing; we all look at a picture but we don’t see the same thing; we all might be walking to a location but we all have a different vision; we all have a business but we run it differently based on our experiences, knowledge and even networks. The same theory is applicable to marriage, job, academics, business, sports etc.
Let’s share some practical details on how experience can shape us.
Marriage/Relationship
This is one of the most complicated and sensitive part of life any human can relate to. Marriage in simple term is life itself. As fondly opined by many rational minds, it is the school one can never graduate from, because you’ll continue to learn until the end of life. In our contemporary society, we have recorded so many divorces and questions flood the mind as what the secret to a successful marriage relationship actually is. Well, in my own humble opinion, there’s no clear cut secret to marriage except the presence of true love between both parties. This is because lots of factors contribute to a make a successful marriage. Every marriage is different and only the partners themselves can decide how they can manage their affairs. Where there’s a misunderstanding between both partners, it will be in their best interest to settle it themselves, and where they can’t settle it, a married or informed counselor can assist. I’m not insinuating that unmarried counselors with insightful positive experience can’t advise married couples, but I do know that whenever couples have problems, they are the only ones who can address their concerns better because nobody knows the root and fundamental cause of the problem more than do especially when they are not comfortable letting it out which leaves the counselor with the only option of speaking from his/her own experience. There have been cases where unmarried couples give advice to married people, in as much I won’t kick against that idea, I feel that sometimes, if not most times, experience plays a huge role in solving problems especially a sensitive one like marriage. Moral: somethings are best experienced than imagined. This is because of the practicality that comes with it. It’s just like driving, having sex, running a business etc.
Business
Just like the saying, old wine tastes better, the same can be said for business. The more time you spend learning the ropes in addition to equipping yourself with knowledge can play a huge role in shaping your business. Just like every great work takes time to manifest, business takes time to grow. I doubt if there’s any overnight successful in business. If at all one ever exist, it’s an exceptional circumstance it’s quite unfortunate many people jump into a business with the mindset of having a great turn over/profit just because they see it is flourishing or they see their friends/colleagues making great strides in the industry. What they fail to understand is that it is not greener out there and every business has a secret.
It’s imperative to note that one of the greatest ways to succeed in business is by having a great network. People find it comfortable to relate with people they know. According to Robin Sharma, “the business of business is relationship, but the business of life human connection”. In business, a lot of factors come into consideration before one can have a headway. First and foremost you must know what you are passionate about and what your skills set is composed of. Then, give yourself the necessary time to learn the business/trade. This learning can take several forms such as reading, volunteering, taking a class, networking and gaining exposure in the sector.
Furthermore, to succeed in business, you must learn soft skills in addition to being creative with emotional intelligence. For example, a creative and proactive businessman/woman must meet people where are as opposed to having the clients meet him/her where he/she is. A prudent business-minded fellow must have a great attitude to listen to customers, he/she must take the initiative of providing ideas on what might be beneficial to the business, and he/she must have a great attitude to relate with not only his/her clients but the public at large. According to John Maxell, ‘Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them’.
Job
One of the places that experience plays an influential role is the aspect of a job. Most employers always look for candidates with experience during the hiring process. It’s only in a few and rare instance they accept a candidate without experience. An experienced candidate tends to do a better job than a new hire. For example, a new hire may do the job in the right way, but an experienced being may do it in an efficient way.
Academic
In our contemporary society, many people seem people to downplay the role of education as it relates to succeeding in life. They opine that you can always “learn from the street”, you can also learn in an informal way as opposed to formal education. However, they fail to realize that education itself is an experience because you need to get theoretical knowledge before applying practical knowledge. It should be noted that academic education gives you an edge over a person who doesn’t have any opportunity/exposure to one. It is a well-established fact that no knowledge is a waste and having a basic theoretical knowledge can take the place of experience in certain situations.
Sports
This is another great area where experience plays a role. Sports is one of the great areas where experience is needed. It doesn’t matter if you play football, soccer, table tennis, volleyball, basketball, track and felid events and wresting. Your experience will definitely make a difference if you harness it well.
In conclusion, regardless of what you may have experienced through life, having a positive attitude is a guaranteed way of overcoming negative experience. According to Reno Omokri, an author and Pastor, “the secret of love is sacrifice. The secret of happiness is giving; the secret of life is GOD.” This nugget may have informed his line of thought. I don’t know your experience, but whatever it is continue to learn from it because one day it will add up and when you look back, you’ll understand why you have to have to go through the whole experience.
Personal
Just like every taste bud is different, each and every one of us experience different things in life. According to Eleanor Roosevelt, “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” If you ask anyone what’s the purpose of life, you’ll likely receive different responses. The answer to this question is subjective and deeply personal. Different things are important to us throughout the course of our lives. Yet one thing stays with us no matter where we go: our experiences. With respect to personal experience, definitely it’s important to note that your network determines your net worth. Therefore, cultivate your friendships and find companies that fulfill you. It’s from those experiences in life that you’ll learn and grow. In this process, we can learn valuable lessons about ourselves and the world around us. So, don’t be hard on yourself.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success. He can be reached via henrous@gmail.com
By Henry Ukazu
Greetings Dear Friends,
I guess you may have heard the saying, ‘the joy of life is not how happy you are but how happy others can be because of you’.
There’s always an internal feeling of warmth and fulfillment to know that because of the role you played in the life of someone, who can be a mentee or subordinate, they were able to succeed. I once highlighted that Mentors Are Life Savers in one of my articles with the same title.
Every being loves to be happy because happiness brings peace, tranquility, and clarity of mind. Once you have peace within yourself, family, organization and business, you are bound to have clarity of mind which will, in turn, make you focus very well in addition to being inspired to make right decisions. Therefore, it will be wise to say, peace is necessary for any rational and progressive mind/business to succeed. In the course of this article, we shall be exploring different ways we can inspire ourselves.
Every successful or great person was inspired in one way or the other. Every successful business was also inspired by another business, mentor or even the desire to solve a challenging problem in the society. We all need inspiration to move to the next stage in life. Thus the question now becomes, how can one get inspired?
Inspiration comes in different shapes and sizes. It can be internal or external.
Internal Inspiration:
Internal motivational comes from within. It’s just like the act of intuition. Internal inspiration is the best form of inspiration. This is because when the force is from within, it opens up with unlimited opportunities and potentials. It’s important to note that nobody can inspire you more than you can inspire yourself. Genuine inspiration always comes from within.
According to a philosopher, “I was thinking one day and I realized that if I just had somebody behind me all the way to motivate me I could make a big difference. Nobody came along like that so I just became that person for myself.”
External Inspiration:
This is the motivation that is derived from outside forces, e.g. music, mentors, books or even situations like hunger, poverty and life challenges. According to some schools of thought, external inspiration has been the reason they succeeded in life (business, home and academics). This group of people believes that without these external forces they wouldn’t have been able to achieve a great deal in life. Proponents of this theory fail to understand that, they were able to succeed because they had the internal zeal to succeed and the external forces only came as a catalyst. For example, publishing inspirational and motivating articles every week can be a challenging task because it takes discipline to commit to the task. However, as a prolific writer and author, I strongly believe, if one is not inspired, it will be hard for one to write nor matter how inspired the external factors are at play.
Techniques to get inspired:
Get Started:
The beginning of any task is usually the most challenging part. If you can begin a task with little or no resources, you can be sure of everything coming true if you are diligent. Take, for instance, you want to start a business, write a book, begin a Ph.D. program, contest for election, or even starting a good cause/campaign, etc. All you need is just a starting line for the universe to know you have a vision. A little push or inspiration can do the magic. Once you commit to this task, the universe has a way of coming around to support your work. You can also begin by breaking all your tasks in a little piece and taking them one step at a time.
Write your plan
Having a concrete blueprint on what you plan to do is another way to get inspiration. For example, you need to have an idea where you plan to be between 6 to one year, 3 years, 5years, 10 years as the case may be all things being equal. This plan will enable you to inspire yourself. Also, you can write down all of your goals and vision to keep track of where you are, and where you want to be. By so doing, you will keep track of how far you have come in life.
Reduce the daily distractions
Just like success needs concentration and positive energy, inspiration doesn’t work well with distractions. When you are easily accessible it will definitely become hard for you to focus. It’s quite unfortunate to note that many people spend less time on what really matters and spend more time on what doesn’t really matters. In order to change this habit, you’ll need to reduce the influx of distractions that is surrounding you. By so doing, you’ll be truly inspired to focus well.
Play music
Music can be a form of inspiration. I personally use music to get work done depending on my state of mind and what I am working on. A typical example was when I was writing my first book, music was one of my biggest inspirational energy, especially when I was down.
Be grateful
Most times we get caught trying to get to the finish point without taking time to take stock how far we have come. Being grateful for who you are and what you have been able to achieve in life can inspire you to do more. It’s always good to reward yourself and celebrate your successes (no matter how big or small they are).
In conclusion, it is pertinent to note that you are the ultimate measure of how far you’ll go in life. According to Wayne Dyer, “Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” If you don’t do the work, nobody will do it for you. Therefore, I charge you today, to inspire yourself.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success. He can be reached via henrous@gmail.com
By Tolulope A. Adegoke
“Let your presence on earth add values to life. Be responsible”! – Tolulope A. Adegoke
God Created
God did not assign His angels to create NATURE, HUMANS and everything. He did not seek supports, he seized personal consultation.
If you wait for others, you will waste like others in frustration. Majority of times, you do not need to rely on other people’s opinion or supports. You need personal SACRIFICE.
The right place and time to create are when things are not okay: “FROM DARKNESS into LIGHT”! God did not give an excuse not to have created something out of nothing, light out of darkness!
Your Spirit must work with your CREATIVITY
Destiny doesn’t answer to your work alone; it answers to your spirit man. It takes you to be blind enough to be able to achieve the unimaginable. It takes “rituals” to solve problems and produce, then reproduce. It takes selflessness to be a ritualist. It requires your blood and sweat. Your spirit must leave you and must settle on the face of the deep!
God sacrificed His Son (Jesus Christ) to save the world. He also asked Abraham to sacrifice his Son (Isaac) to Him.
Rituals require sacrifices either “self” or your “valuables”. Give offering with a knife in your hand to cut your pocket. Give selflessly. Be a “ritualist”! because you are a spiRITUAL being! It takes ritual grace to commit rituals. Babies give offerings, but kings give sacrifices! Gather seeds and commit rituals. You are a government. Don’t live like a refugee. If you cannot sacrifice, you end up a “money-pie”, instead of multiply, and you will only be “food-ful” and not fruitful.
It takes sacrificial rituals to multiply and fruitful! Think the unimaginable, do the unimaginable to achieve the unimaginable results for outstanding profits and change. Sow to acquire and connect into God’s divine inspiration to acquire and connect into God’s divine inspiration.
Death is not when a man dies, it is when the gift(s) in him dies. When a man is not working with his gifts, he is dead! The gift of a man makes way for him- Psalm 68:18.
If you are not gifted or not working or operating by your gift, you are Godless! Gifts in its real sense are not limited to celestial gifts. It is your talents that will open ways and wave for you.
Prayer
Man becomes a god at the point of his gift. Without your gift, you are an imbecile. Without your gift, you will face torments on earth, but with your gifts, you can enjoy Heaven on earth!
Worship
Serve God with your gifts to more gifted for outstanding creativity for productivity. The world has evolved into the age or realms of creativity at a shocking speed beyond the norm. A man’s destiny is not only tied to opportunity(s), but also to divine revelation! Your gift is not a gambling or begging ticket! If you know your value, you will not sell it cheaply.
BECOMING ILLIMITABLE: Activating Your Gifts
The major factor to becoming illimitable by activating our gifts is by divine revelation. Be inspired by God to be productive and well packaged. Prayer cannot displace process. Your dominion answers to what is in you. Poverty is the absence of observation. Poverty is not just the absence of provision, but observation!
Unemployment is the blockage of gifts by man- 2Kings 4:2-6.
Lock up yourself to observe! If you do not lock yourself indoor, you cannot become an industry. The power of observation is better than the power of education. Observation is another word for Thinking. Prayer is formen, while thinking is for gods! John 10:34 reveals: “Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?”
You have the mind of God. When last did you think? When you pray, you inform God; but when you think, you involve God! The greatest Professor is the Holy Ghost. The mind of a man is the superior tool for creativity. When you think, you receive the mind of God. If you are not a graduate of your mind, you are an illiterate! When you learn, you cultivate an absorb knowledge.
Think, Speak and Act to Create! Thinking is the act of generating excuses-eliminating tool-box! It is not only a mode of generating ideas for the ideal. It is better to better to be an inspired engineer than to be an academic engineer, by working in-line with your authentic calling which prolongs your impacts which avoids expiration through the roles of posterity!
Thinking is another medium of fasting-you abstain from any form of distraction. The greatest television on earth is the Human Mind! Selfless imagination is better than a selfless hard-work.
Pleasure is the greatest weapon which I refer to as a beautiful distraction adopted by the devil and its cohorts to bring man out of his dominion! There is nothing wrong in being a football fan, but don’t be a football fool! Pleasure should become a poison to you. Pleasure could be likened as honey coated with poison! Pleasure is the current poison that limits or stops a man from fulfilling his authentic purpose on earth. “A little Sleep, A little Slumber; Plenty Sleep. Plenty slavery and death!” If your work cannot make you work at night, you will end up in the prison of life!
If you subscribe to quietness, you will end up in blossom ideas and outputs, because in quietness lies the truth. Silence is the best place for inventions.
Thinking is a known secret. Use information to pass examinations; for effective and productive activities, engage revelation to grow in life and as well share for maximum impacts.
Most research works in the Third World Countries are simply “read-search”, and not “real search”! Re(al) search has to do with backing up with empirical evidence through secrets discovered or dug out by you in the course of searching for the truth in-line with target areas. Secrets mean to See, to visualize, to dream; then CREATE!
To maximally engage secrets, you must cut off from those seeking for survival and connect with DREAM chasers! therefore, you need to build a lion’s heart within you in order to be able to take giant steps!
It is therefore in your power to command your season! It is your turn and your time…do not give in to the pressures at hand! Live in the reality of your desired change and authentic purpose.
(The end…)
Thank you for reading. I trust that you have been activated!
Tolulope A. Adegoke is an acclaimed “globalpreneur”, with the mandate to enrich lives and provide the professional, spiritual, academic and leadership empowerment needed to birth, maximize and sustain possibilities in peoples, corporates and nations. He is a prolific writer, frequent keynote speaker and spoken word poet, among others, having written countless articles in diverse reputable fields and honoured many public invitations.
He is also a Senior Administrator.
Tolulope Adegoke can be booked for public events via the contacts below:
E-mail: adegoketolulope1022@gmail.com