Dear Destiny Friends,

The best helping hand you will ever find is at the end of your own arm –  John Mason

One of the best forms of love, if not the best, is self-love. The ultimate truth is that apart from the creator, nobody can love you more than you can love yourself.

As human beings, sometimes, we depend on other people’s love to feel loved. Some people even desire social media and online love just to be accepted into the society. No doubt, everyone loves attention and approval.

Everyone loves to be accepted, appreciated, and recognized, but some of us are not ready to do the needful to attract the desired attention. The simple truth about life is that nobody can give you attention, neither will anyone give you recognition if you have not given them a reason to do so. So, one needs to help themselves before other people can help them.

Helping yourself is the best thing that can happen to you. When you help yourself, the joy hits differently. Helping yourself is not limited to adding value to your life. Did you know that self-care is a lifestyle, and it is one of the ways to help your life. Some of the ways self-care can help your life are engaging in regular exercise, eating healthy, avoiding drugs and alcohol, and sleeping well. Self-help also involves taking care of your mental, emotional, physical, environment, recreational, financial, social, physical, and spiritual needs.

Did you know that practicing simple self-care activities can help one achieve greater mental clarity, and gain a better understanding of their feelings?

Helping oneself is okay so long as it doesn’t involve unlawful actions or breach of peace. It’s sad to see people engage in illegality just to get what they want.

Those that depend on fellow human beings for help might be disappointed. Even though they may not have the intention to fail you, life sometimes, happens. They too might be going through personal challenges. Always leave a space in your heart to forgive or overlook when supposed friends, mentors, family members, mentors and benefactors don’t come through for you.

The sad reality of life is that, most times, we like to receive from resourceful persons, but we don’t seem to ask who will give to them. Do you think manna will fall from heaven for them? No. They must find creative ways to make ends meet. One of my mentors once stated, ‘you can work alone, but you can’t eat alone’.

What you don’t know is that these resourceful people were able to help themselves. That’s why they were able to get assistance from established institutions and resourceful people. Some of them might have had a business plans which they pitched to a team of panelists. Some developed programmes, sowed seeds, traveled far and wide and made mistakes while searching for the right path. These are some ways of helping oneself.

I have always stated, we all go through a secret frustration which nobody knows. For a fact, it is easier for people to assist you when you have added adequate value to your life. When you do, people won’t see you as a liability, rather, they will see you as a resource being.

In my journey towards life, I have realized that when you have a mentor or leader you respect, your ability to do the work will enable them to put the icing on the cake. I vividly remember when I published my first book, I had to reach out to Dr. Chief Dele Momodu to write the Foreword to my book. He was kind enough to accept my request. Imagine, if I had not written the book, the opportunity wouldn’t have arisen.

Now, you see that I was able to help myself before help came through. Isn’t it true that heaven helps those who help themselves.

In contemporary times, sometimes, we hope and rely on family members, friends, mentors, associates, mentees, benefactors and more, to help our craft just because we feel and think they are in a better position to assist us, depending on their position or status, but the reality is that sometimes we ask people things that are beyond them and when they refuse to assist, we feel offended.

One of my mentors, Dr. Yomi Garnett, rightly stated as follows, “So your aunt won’t help you financially. Your well-connected uncle won’t give you an introductory note to his minister-friend. Refuse to despise or resent them. Forgive them. Make excuses for them, such as they have enough challenges of their own. Then promptly take responsibility for your own life and your own success by asking God to show you His way.”

I can relate to Dr. Garnett’s statement because, in the past, I have tried to reach some people, some I shared my programmes for consideration, while others came via introduction. In most of these engagements, I couldn’t get what I wanted either because I didn’t come prepared, or was yet to develop the required capacity and competence to execute the task. However, when I developed expertise, they came for me, and in some cases, I was highly recommended. This is the reality of life; people generally love ripe fruits as opposed to unripe fruits which don’t taste nice.

During my formative years, I depended on people to the extent I feel entitled for their support because I felt they were rich, wealthy, and highly connected. I didn’t realize life doesn’t work that way. It was much later in life I realized that it will be easier for them to share their network and net worth with me when I have helped myself. As a matter of fact, that has become my fate because I have had opportunities to relate and work closely with some of my benefactors.

Today, I charge you to make an intentional effort to help yourself. Give your life a meaning. Stop complaining and start to take action to change the course of your life. You are not alone in this struggle; we are all in it together. Remember, nobody can write your story more than you and if you don’t talk about yourself, nobody will talk about you.

In conclusion, endeavor to help yourself so others can help you.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

By Henry Ukazu

Dear Destiny Friends,

There’s no doubt sleep is good for the human body. The benefit of a good sleep is priceless. Sleep helps to relax the body system, especially when it is worn out and exhausted. When one sleeps, there’s a certain kind of nourishment and peace that comes to the human body. However, the quantity of sleep is not as important as the quality of sleep. You might sleep for eight hours, but the quality might not be as rich as the one who slept peacefully for just four hours.

Whenever sleep comes with a blissful dream, one must wake at once, and face the reality towards actualizing the dream. Just like we all need to wake up from our dream, we also need to tell ourselves the home truth, we are the architect of our life and as such, we are responsible for the outcome of our life.  If you don’t wake up to build the kind of life you want, you might end up working or building someone else’s life.

Don’t get me wrong; we are called to serve humanity in one way or another. While some people are born to be great leaders, some are born to be great followers, who will help the leader to lead well; some are born to be great entrepreneurs, while some to be employees serving in different capacities. What’s important is to know your calling, purpose, mission, vision, and concept of life, and then be intentional in actualizing it.

A renowned capitalist, Michael Roberts, in his book, “Action Has No Secret 2.0”, coined a word “Actionaire”. According to him, action has no season, and anyone can take action at any said time. He further stated that as an actionaire, one must decide to take action to bring forth their dreams. Without taking action, dreams will be mere desires.

An actionaire takes action. Michael Robert added that an actionaire always wakes up from his sleep and begins to take action.

To express how one takes action, my late dad counseled his children not to sleep too much. As a matter of fact, during our formative years in the USA, my late dad normally sprinkles water on me and my siblings when he feels we have had a decent sleep. He’s fond of saying, we have many hours and years to sleep when we die, but while we are alive, we should work.

In order to understand how one can wake up from sleep, there was a story about a gazelle and a lion. Every day, the gazelle wakes up, it knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or be killed and eaten for breakfast. Conversely, the lion also knows it must outrun the fastest gazelle or starve to death. The morale of this post is that whether you are a lion or a gazelle, at sunrise, you had better be running.

The principle here is simple, in the journey of life, if you don’t wake up, and act decisively, you will definitely remain where you are. Nobody is going to give you what you desire, rather they will give you what you deserve. It’s just like an employee or a skilled worker who is looking for a raise or better pay, your boss won’t pay you what you deserve no matter your degree. Though your employer will factor your degree and appreciate the effort, he will subtly inform you, he’s working on a budget, or this is the best they can offer. The option will now be open for you to decide if you want the job or not.

Again, if you are seeking for an opportunity, the opportunity will in turn seek you, and if you don’t seek an opportunity, the opportunity will not seek you.

In every sphere of life, you must wake up, and go after your dreams even if it means taking strategic risks. It’s instructive to note that no matter the dream, passion, academic qualification, certifications, prophesy, prayers, intuition, feeling, skills or even talents one may have, if one does not becomes intentional in taking action, their desires and ambitions will be mere wishes.

On a personal note, I have sought opportunities, networked with the right people, supported my mentors, and followed most of their principles, but my fortune didn’t change much until I began to take action. I have since discovered that great things happen when we take actionable steps to birth our vision.

Most of us want to write a book, get a Masters or Ph.D, apply for a fellowship, learn a skill among others, but due to procrastination, excuses or situations beyond our control, we couldn’t take action.

It’s worthy to note that life will not be easy and will never be easy anytime, we just need to do the best anytime we can whenever we have the opportunity. Sometimes, I pay to attend events of interest just to meet one person. Sometimes, I buy luxury items and gifts to associates, mentors, elders and people of interest just to get attention. I may not get the desired result now, but I do know one day, it will pay off. To tap into these blessings, please give and support with love. Don’t do it with vested interest. All these are ways of waking up from the dream and taking action.

It is sad to see lazy opportunists, who just believe manna will fall from above. These people will prefer to beg instead of looking for an opportunity to serve or work instead of taking action by making an effort to change the status quo.

It should be noted that opportunities will have to be created. The reason some rich or wealthy people find it hard to give people money might be because some of them took an amount of risks; some paid dearly to get to where they are; some even volunteered, while some took loans to set up their businesses and all of a sudden, somebody feels entitled to their money without making reasonable or strategic effort to show why they need support.

In conclusion, if you are sleeping, please wake up from your dream and take action. Act like a businessman who knows his target audience and takes effort to meet them where they are as opposed to having them come to him. That’s how to take action.

I charge you today, whatever you desire in life, dream it, say it, think it, see it, believe and most of all, wake up and act on it. I look forward to seeing you at the top.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

By Henry Ukazu

Dear Destiny Friends,

One of the fastest ways of making a headway in life is having the right attitude. A right attitude is priceless, and grants easy access to and from people. This is in clear contrast with a nasty attitude, which attracts distaste and repulsion.

Attitude permeates relationships with fellow human beings at work, school or public spaces. People can literally see our personalities, mindsets, behaviors through our attitudes.

As a Human Capacity coach, one of the qualities I look for in any person is attitude. When you show an attitude that portrays allegiance to money as opposed to learning, your potential of going far in life will be limited. You luterally show you don’t have the capacity to be loyal when the chips are down.

While exhibiting the right attitude, theee is the possibility of everyone not agreeing with you, however, it is advisable not to burn bridges because you never know when you will need them. You can only do this when you have the right attitude to life.

The right attitude is a currency just like relationships, network, social media and value though a lot of people fail ro realiae the fact. In my relationship with the high and mighty in society and men of influence and affluence, I have seen how they perceive and interpret certain acts. What ordinarily might not amount to anything from an uninformed mind might be the icing on the cake for the great man. For instance, if a resourceful person asks you to do a job, it will be wise to do it for free. Resist the temptation to ask for money.

That’s a great way of marketing yourself to the person involved. If they appreciate your work, you might be surprised to get a good opportunity that catapults you to unimaginable heights.

Also, if the great man asks you to do some work, instead of saying, this is an opportunity to make some cool cash, consider doing the work with the least cost just to make him a potential client. I recently met a young man online who is good with YouTube videos, I asked him if he could cut a video for me, the amount he called was on the high side.

Be advised, I know value has to be appreciated. What this young man didn’t know was that I was testing his attitude with the hope of working with him, but quite unfortunately he failed the test. I had to devise an alternative means to get it done for free.

This is why mentorship is very important. When you have good mentors, they will advise you to think and serve in the right manner. Most young people always operate from a lack mindset. They want to eat their cakes and have it. They fail to understand that there’s seed time and harvest time.

In my relationship with some of my mentors, I have bought nice perfumes, shoes, and luxury gifts to them in appreciation of their kind counsel. What’s important here is not necessarily the amount per se, but the mindset and attitude. Be advised, I didn’t ask for money. I had to show them via my mindset, I’m not a burden so they can feel comfortable relating with me.

As a matter of fact, one of my mentors once said to me, I give him more money than he gives him. When you juxtapose this with contemporary youths, most of them are merely concerned about what they can get as opposed to what they can learn.

It’s instructive to note that it is your attitude and not your aptitude that will determine your altitude. With the right attitude, people will see through your thought process and mindset. My late mother will always say, when someone is talking, look beyond their words and focus on what’s inside their heart/mind. It’s just like communication, your focus is not on what’s being said, but on what is not being said.

One a personal note, I have learnt to study the attitude and mindset of many of my mentors, elders, friends, mentees, and strangers and this helped me a lot to relate with them differently. When you know how people behave, it will be easy to work with them. Sometimes, some people wonder how I relate smoothly with people and get things done, it’s simply a matter of attitude. One of my mentors once said, a general doesn’t fight many wars at the same time, a wise general selects his battles. That’s having the right attitude and perspective to life.

To understand how attitude works. There was a young boy who behaved badly, and his grandfather, an elderly, wise pastor, attempted to counsel him. The Pastor said, it’s as if we have two lions inside of us. One is good and the other is bad, and they both demand our obedience to them. The boy responded, which one wins? The Pastor said, the one fed. What’s the moral here? In the journey of life, it is what we feed that grows. If you feed a lion, a lion will grow into a deadly beast. If you take care of a woman, she’s likely to act soft towards you all things being equal. In the same vein, when an evil desire demands to be fed, we must say no. This is true because what we feed ultimately controls us.

The interesting facts about this Pastor and young man are centered on perspectives. It is how you see life that life will unfold to you. When some people fail in life, while positive minds will see it as an experience in which they hope to learn something from it, negative people see it as failure which has limited them from moving to the next stage in life. Again, while some people experience pain differently, some others react negatively to pain and this in turn hurts them more.

In conclusion, I don’t know what your experience is, nor do I know what you are going through, but one thing I can guarantee you is that, when you have a great attitude, your disposition will surely change. You’ll go far in life when you have a nice attitude.

Today, I charge you to learn how to relate with people with the right mindset and see how your life will unfold for good. I will conclude with the words of Maya Angelou; “People may forget what you say, people may forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel” The only way to make people feel good is by having the right attitude.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com